Three Minutes in Florida Could Change My Life

This bottle of Sally Hansen Café Au Lait polish
could shift the course of my future.

I used to do my nails at least once a week when I was younger. I took pride in how my hands looked, how the gemstones on my rings sparkled against the glossy nail color.

I lost myself somewhere along the way, somewhere between changing diapers and doing dishes and battling over bills. By the time teenhood and Dad dying and everything else converged, there was just no time or mental space to take this small pampering step.

But I just spent three minutes brushing on the Café Au Lait Figgy bought at CVS in Montclair and brought to Florida. H. just left to drive Fig to her cousin's house to hang out before the wedding this evening. I have a little window alone. I sat on the edge of the hot tub and swung my legs in the water under the blue sky. Then I came inside and polished my nails, and painted on a shiny, clear, pristine top coat.

It seems small, but it's huge. It signifies taking care of myself. And BTW, so does blogging here daily, recording my days, my dreams, my hopes, my fears, my observations.

The cell just rang. It was H., telling me to be ready to go in 20 minutes to meet three of his brothers [here from Maine] at a nature preserve. I love nature preserves. Would love to see a gator--from a safe distance.

I hope this three minutes well spent in a sunny spot points me in the right direction.

Have a good day.

Good Night

Am sitting in a Marriott Residence Inn, can't keep Figgy up with the light.

Went to Lilly store, did not buy, but liked seeing it.

Good night.

Let the Sun Shine: Florida Tourist Checklist

Deerfield Beach, FL, where we whiled away the early afternoon.

Here's what I liked today, in this order:

1. The deep, honeyed North Carolina accents and polite interactions in the airport shops when we changed planes in Charlotte. And the Body Shop vending machine--body butters at the ready!
2. View of ocean when starting our descent into the Fort Lauderdale Airport.
3. Tiny lizards outside the Subway sandwich store in Deerfield Beach.
4. The need to apply sunscreen--and the welcome scent of it.
5. Pretty, warm blue water to put my feet in.
6. People in swimsuits, and on surfboards.
7. The public parking lot [$3 for one hour].
8. Frosty piña colada at 4 P.M., with ocean view to drink in, too.
9. Figgy's and H.'s smiles--and mine, as we take a break from real life, far from home.
10. The still egrets we saw on the drive to Boynton Beach.
11. The wedding rehearsal dinner--Patrick and Lauren have so many nice young friends. I remember meeting Patrick--H.'s cousin's son--years ago on a Thanksgiving in Dumont. He was a little boy, and we've seen him a lot over the years. Lauren is lovely. The Italian food was fabulous, and the best man's wife is a pastry chef who made a beautiful red velvet cake and cupcakes.
12. The sunset.
13. Patrick and Lauren's apartment.
14. Knowing that Boca [where we're staying] has its very own Lilly Pulitzer store. I will sleep well just being in its vicinity.

But I have been up since 4 A.M. Positively exhausted now. Good night.

Will Send Postcards from Florida

Taking a lavender bath at this hour and going to bed--for a big four hours, since the car is picking us up at 4:45 A.M. to catch our 6:30ish flight out of Newark.

I plan to report in from Florida, I hope with good news.

Sleep tight.

Urgent Correction: These are Fig's Cinderella Shoes

This is the Maralena Flame Sandal. Price: $2,445.

My family does not read my blog often, but Figgy walked by the table this morning and Monday's shoe post was up. She insisted that was the wrong pair. I was sure it wasn't.

Geez, it turns out I was really quite off. Way, way off! In my defense, I must have been in a post mall marathon haze.

We just searched NeimanMarcus.com and could not find them, but found them at the designer's really cool site: www.christianlouboutin.com.


I want to write a love letter to Christian Louboutin, Figgy just said. She said it was OK to quote her.

Have a good day.

Life is Work

It can be hard and tiring. And if it's already hard and tiring and you're trying to make a shift, make it better, that can be even harder and more tiring [even with help from a family therapy expert]. This is not a joy ride, not for me, not for H. It is work.

I am grateful for the chance to take a step in the right direction, though when our one-hour session was over, I saw what looked like deep fear and pain in H.'s eyes. He looked like he had just been to war, or a funeral, or a shipwreck, or took the first of many steps on a harrowing journey--not just completed a counseling appointment with his wife and daughter.

But I am an unstoppable optimist, so I see that life can also be fun and frivolous.

Will rest head on pillow now, thankful for the two faces of life--the first, serious navy blue and working-girl khaki [with no-nonsense pumps], and the second, baby-Easter-chick yellow and sky blue [with strappy sandals].

Both sets of footwear were made for walking life's path, wherever it may take us.

Good night.

Glass Slippers

These crystal-encrusted Christian Louboutin pumps
caught Fig's eye at Neiman Marcus. Price: $3,095.
Her mother is a bad influence, I fear.

We finally booked our tickets to Florida last night, not a moment too soon, since the family wedding is this Saturday, April 2. We fly down very early Thursday and return late Monday.

Sun, water, tropical colors, nice drinks, fresh fish. Land of Lilly Pulitzer. I can't wait.

Today, Figgy and I left home at 2:45 and returned at 9:30......more than six hours at Garden State Plaza. She needed a swimsuit, shorts, etc. I needed PJs, underwear, a bra. We were exhausted by the end. And we both wanted sandals.

Payless vs. Paris
Fig is into Payless, where she got two pairs for like $35 total. I kind of broke out in hives there, although I happened to be wearing an old pair of Payless pumps that draw a lot of compliments. My taste runs to ogling Tory Burch sandals, whether or not I buy them. It was ironic--Clare, the Good Housekeeping factchecker, called my cell when I was in Payless to check something about the kids' Ugg boots I mentioned in an article [price, $120]. We chuckled about the disparity.

Figgy was taking so long in Payless and other cheap stores that I branched out on my own and looked at sandals at Nordstrom, Rockport, Coach and Geox [my maiden voyage]. I really liked the Rockport and Coach pairs but they didn't have size 11. I also loved the Geox pair [white, butter-soft leather, nice wedge, simple rhinestone detail] but they didn't take checks, and that's all I had.

Cinderella Dreaming
Neiman Marcus's carefully edited shoe selection was high-end....Lanvin, Prada, Manolo Blahnik, Chanel, Gucci and my beloved Tory. Tory's shoes seemed like a steal compared to the others, yet I still could not bring myself to buy them. Figgy is a sophomore. College is not that far off. I should not spend $200 or more for summer sandals, no matter if they do make me incredibly happy and would be fabulous for Florida. There's something slightly crazy about me spending that much at this moment in time. That's why I love tracking the sales at www.toryburch.com. 

But when we swept into the shoe cove right before it closed at 9, Figgy picked up a Christian Louboutin pump encrusted with Swarovski crystals. She pivoted it to show me how the color changed in the light.

That's the last pair, the salesman said to Fig. But we can order another pair and have it shipped to your home.

He was a very nice man--did not look down at me in my Payless pumps. Some salespeople can be snooty. But was he kidding? Didn't he see Figgy's worn down black suede Payless boots, my scuffed heels? Do we look like the kind of people who have $3,095 to spend on a pair of shoes, or a place to actually wear them?

Still, I'm glad he gave us permission to dream.

Good night.

Dream Roll: Mom Gives Me an Update on Dad

I dream about my Mom very rarely--and it's as if she is there talking to me. That just happened last night. This is probably only about the third time since she died, in 1981. [One other very memorable time was before H. and I got engaged.]

For some reason, Mattel's National Barbie Convention [?] was starting out at our old house in Dumont. How extremely unlikely. But anyway, thousands of people were coming. Then I was in the supermarket, in the candy aisle, looking at Hershey bars. Mom liked chocolate for her treat. [She had it much less frequently than I do, in today's dark-chocolate-is-good-for-us era.]

I looked up from the Hershey's wrapper and there she was, in her polyester dress from the 1970s--the one that was navy blue on top and white with a grid of navy blue lines on the bottom. She hugged me gently, from where she stood, on my right side.

How are you? Are you alright? she asked.
I'm okay. How's Daddy doing?
He's alright. He's having a hard time. I can't pinpoint it now, but she used some body language that said you know, it's been hard for him. 

Oh, I thought, immediately, unrest--he's not at peace yet.

That's all there was to the dream, or at least all I could remember when I woke. But it tells me so much:

1. My parents are together.
2. Mom's love for me is still real.
3. My Dad didn't want to leave and is worried about me/us. [This is a strong feeling I've had, something I've been mourning, that he did not want to die--he said as much in different ways.]
4. He is not alone--Mom will help him through it.
5. That maybe I do believe in us all seeing each other when we die. I've grappled with this for years. It doesn't seem possible to a logical mind. But maybe I am thinking this so that I can reconcile that Dad may be taken care of and loved in the Great Beyond.
6. Maybe I have an angel to my right. I should remember that.

Thanks for listening.

P.S. How are you? Are you alright? are the exact words Sis used on the phone when she called last night.