Search This Blog

Monday, March 19, 2018

Better to Light Just One Little Candle

When I have enough cash with me, Punch and I light a candle or two in the back of the church after Mass. The suggested donation, to tuck into the metal box with the slit, is $4.

We have often lit one in memory of/in honor of:
  • Her daddy.
  • My daddy.
  • Dan.
  • My mommy.
  • Her mommy.
  • Figgy.
  • Auntie/Don.
But today, after a hellish attempt at getting her to Mass, she stayed in the car. We were so late, I think I caught 10 minutes. It was long enough to pray, to breathe, to interact with another mom who is supportive.

And this time, I slipped a folded five dollar bill into that slot and lit one white pillar candle for Punchy. Just Punchy. She is acting out big time. It has been rough. Her birth mom had a baby girl a couple of weeks ago and Punch is dying to meet her. To have a role in her life. To hold her. To see her mom. To be important enough to be there. But we have been put off.

Our Punchy adores babies. She knows every baby on the block. She asks me if she is swaddling her [very realistic] baby doll properly, if I would have thought the clothes Baby is wearing would have been warm enough for Figgy when Fig was an infant.

She has a beautiful heart, arms eager to hold and catch that baby sister. She is earnest; she wants very much to be a role model. She is trying so hard to be worthy. Of course she is more than worthy!

Our Punchy’s little heart must be breaking. And that little baby's path may be unclear, too; I don't know.

God bless Alexa, I prayed as the flame caught and flickered. God, please bless Alexa. [I don't use the name Punchy when praying to God.]

Good night.

Saturday, March 17, 2018

Good Night, Montclair Literary Festival 

Busy weekend, running around town to different events. Awesome festival spearheaded by a friend, Catherine Platt.

Good night!

Thursday, March 15, 2018

WRITING Sugar: A Love Story

I'm proud of this essay I was assigned to write for I know 
many of you 
[Eileen, Kim, Nan, thank you!] have already seen 
the link on my Facebook page, 
but I'm sharing here for my writing archives, too.

One writer documents her personal break-up with sugar, made especially difficult because some of her best memories are made of sweet stuff.

Good night, sweet dreams.

  1. I moved my body again today, two loops up the hilly block with Sug.
  2. Ate half a baked apple.
  3. Had a healthy breakfast that did power me through my work morning: a lot of baby spinach sautéed in a little olive oil with one egg; some nice wide Parmigiana shavings melted on top. Enjoyed with hot sauce and freshly ground black pepper and two pieces of good grain bread with Irish butter.

Wednesday, March 14, 2018


When I was a young woman, an editorial assistant at a women's magazine, my editor wrote "able to shift gears quickly" in my annual review. That was the first time I had seen the term--a car reference used to describe the ability to multitask. [My Dad taught me to drive on a stick shift, and it was hard--but that's another story.]

I need to multitask today, right now, but am feeling jittery instead. I need to move the gear shift between:
  1. Writing pots and pans marketing copy [and gadget copy].
  2. Supervising Punchy's homework. Trying to be better about keeping her focused. She is supposed to review both math and vocabulary tonight for quiz/test. She did both already, but I'm not sure it was enough. I have taken too much of a hands-off approach with her in the past, so trying to find a balance. And she is hell-bent on canvassing the neighborhood to get little kids to sign up for a soccer club/lessons she just cooked up today. She has her coat on and is about to go ring bells and hand out flyers.
  3. Setting up interviews for the summer [June] issue of ASPIRE DESIGN AND HOME MAGAZINE. My editor is eager; deadlines looming.
  4. Making dinner. I bought two bunches of crisp romaine, good Caesar dressing, nice Parmigiana shavings. I'm going to heat thawed shrimp in garlic, a little butter, olive oil and wine and also pan-toast croutons with the white bread Dan baked. Vegan Figgy is heading out with a painting to an art show, so I guess I won't worry about another option. I got her some tofu to pan brown.
  5. Exercise. Since Friday, I have MOVED my body every day. I want to take a walk, but it will have to be after dinner when Dan can watch Punchy. It will be cold. I think I will drive to the park and do a few loops.
Work. Parenting. Eating right. Grocery shopping, doing dishes. Exercising. Self-care. It all takes time. I am doing my best to move in a healthy direction.

  1. Took a nice long bath with the heavenly scented Key to My Heart Bath Bomb, a beautiful bright pink heart shape from DollyMoo in Montclair.
  2. Did my makeup.
  3. Trying hard to walk tonight.
  4. Wrote this post to help sort out #goals.

Tuesday, March 13, 2018

Signing off to Snuggle In

Tonight is the season finale of "This Is Us."

Couch is waiting, candles lit on mantel.

Punchy watches with me; it is usually not too graphic. She is all ready for bed.

Talk to you tomorrow!

  1. I moved again--set my timer on phone for 20 minutes and walked while waiting to get Punchy from CCD class.
  2. Polished my nails! Before I was a mother, I did that once a week, and they looked really nice.
  3. Had a baked apple!

Monday, March 12, 2018

On the Road Again 

I walked for 35 minutes this evening, while Punch was in gymnastics class from 6 to 8. I usually bring my laptop and try to work...or waste my time on my iPhone. I’m glad I walked. I also heard evening birdsong. Good night.