Sleeper Sofa on St. Patrick's Day

Ready to crash on the pullout couch at Sis and Don's in Connecticut. It's nice to be here. Sis made corned beef and cabbage and rented the movie "Hanging up," about three grown daughters and their Dad.

Thinking of my mother today--of the Irish record album she liked to play. It spun round and round on the stereo with mostly mournful lyrics, as my mother sat listening on the living room love seat. [The potatoes they grow small over there, the potatoes they grow small over there....] Thinking too of my Irish grandfather with the twinkling blue eyes. Jim Mahon.

Neither of them was perfect--no one is--and they both live on in me. The Irish eyes [my mother's a soulful brown], the gregarious personalities, the quiet contemplation, the love of New York City....the feet of clay.....the sadness, the fears...the Irish wit....the intelligence....

Despite the green moodiness that comes with it, I am proud to be Irish. No one can smile all the time. And one day I want to visit Galway, where my grandfather came from.

When Irish eyes are smiling, 

Sure, 'tis like the morn in Spring. 

In the lilt of Irish laughter 

You can hear the angels sing. 

When Irish hearts are happy, 

All the world seems bright and gay. 

And when Irish eyes are smiling, 

Sure, they steal your heart away.

Good night.

TCOY

1. Early yoga class with Joe teaching. Very good. He's Irish and read an Irish blessing at the end.
2. Walked Sug around block once.
3. Nice walk near water here in Cos Cob with Sis and Sug. Sun glistening on harbor.
4. One step at a time, one change at a time.

Couch

Running in many directions. Driving, listening, strategizing, meeting, eating [corned beef and cabbage in cafeteria].

Not knowing what to say--and saying just that. [I never know what to say when you say that. Is there something helpful I could say? Or something helpful you could say to yourself?] Feeling sad, feeling hopeful. Facing life head-on to the best of my ability. Trusting. Doubting. Puzzling. Carrying a heavy heart. Having moments of lightness and freedom.

Finally on couch. Sug gnawing at rawhide bone on rug by my feet. About to watch last week's "Desperate Housewives" On Demand. Then I'm going to bed. H. en route to California to work at a party in Beverly Hills area. Good night.

TCOY

1. Boot camp! I was late, but I made it. Hard workout. Glad I went, to do the reindeer pull alongside Patsy, Heidi, John, Michael, Diane, Cathy, Rebecca, Eric, Lisa and Barb. Reindeer pull is very, very tough. Also: chest passes, planks and burpees. Heidi and Michael back from two-week break in Aruba--back with golden tans and good humor.
2. Ice water.
3. Listened to classical music on radio in car. Nice. H. left that station on.
4. Private Benjamin.
5. Tried my best to talk calmly about my feelings. 
6. Walked Sug around block. Saw robin redbreasts and daffodils.
7. About to rest and go to sleep.

Breath of Fresh Air

Today I went into NYC for a work appointment and then I met my friend Kim. We've been friends since we were young editorial assistants in the women's magazine world....and we still have so much to chat about*. How lovely to see her again over cappuccino.

My world has been shrinking lately, and zipping into NYC meant glimpsing the larger, moving, pulsating, vibrant universe: Riding the bus, being in the Port Authority, walking on Seventh Avenue, seeing the skyscrapers, being a cog in a bigger wheel. As I was walking, I passed a woman in black leggings who was crying into her cell phone, and talking to someone. Her face was distorted with tears, you know, kind of squeezed and stretched. I recognized that look because I've seen it on myself. I couldn't help but wonder. Had she just learned that she had a miscarriage? Had a parent died? Did she have her heart broken? Had she just been diagnosed with breast cancer? She was holding a piece of paper that looked like a lab report and I heard her say something like Should I call the doctor? To whom was she talking? Husband, sister, friend? Therapist?

I had to pay the piper for my NYC break and work tonight, from about 9:30 till now. It's okay. I liked writing about this really amazing shoe and handbag repair place called Rago Brothers, founded 101 years ago by two brothers from Italy. I toured it the other day, and found it amazing to be in what is virtually a designer accessory hospital for every brand from Chanel to Prada, Burberry to Jimmy Choo.

I'm so going there next time my shoes break down, which is often. Good night.

*I posted this last night when I was tired. I see now that I could have been more forthcoming. It's not like we were just chatting about pass the sugar. When we were young, Kim and I talked about our bosses and our boyfriends and our wedding dresses. Things I tend to talk about now--regarding my life--ain't quite so pretty. Kim is a good and caring friend.

TCOY

1. I actually had yogurt, granola and fresh raspberries for breakfast. Yum. Think I will repeat tomorrow.
2. Walked from Port Authority to Seventh Avenue and 18th Street--and back.
3. Saw my pal Kim. A lengthy visit with an old friend is truly a gift.

Sleeping Beauty

Head must hit pillow. Another long and winding road. Lots of driving. Into the wilderness, the unknown--and the known. Glad I was not alone in my travels.

Good night.

Must Sleep

Heading to bed. Tired. Busy day. Lots of juggling and planning. No rest. Good night.

TCOY

1. Salon blow-dry. Did do that.
2. Bought twin pack of Twinkies from a vending machine--why, why?--and threw one of the blonde beasts out. Not very tasty, rather like a gummy, saccharin sponge, and all chemicals, to boot.
3. Picked up and put down bottle of rich chocolate milk in cafeteria. Got free tall soda cup of ice water. That felt good. Refreshing.
4. Picked up and put down six-pack of chocolate-dunked Oreos in gift shop. Got three penny gumdrops instead.
5. Looked at sunset. Pretty.
6. One day at a time.

Life as a Series of Unhealthy Paradoxes

• We want our country to be fitter but we roll out car after car with multiple cup holders, the better to accommodate our drive-through visits to Dunkin' Donuts, Starbucks and McDonald's.
• We want to target the readers who buy magazines, but that means putting conflicting messages on the same cover: "Lose 10 Pounds Fast" and "Prizewinning Pies."
• We want to be green but we also want the convenience of things we can tuck in our backpacks and purses: plastic bottles of water, little shots of Naked juice, mini yogurt cups. All packaged in materials that we have to remember to recycle.
• We want our lovely young daughters and sons to take pride in and love themselves as a whole--their bodies, their brains, their talent, their hearts--yet we raise them in a society that puts a high premium on skinny-skinny and markets jeans in size 00.
• We want to sit on the couch and watch a gazillion cooking shows but some of us never get to the store and into the kitchen to fix our families healthy meals.
• We want to have real heroes and role models but more often than not, the only stargazing we do is in front of the idiot box, watching the fictional women of Wisteria Lane. Who are famously attractive and thin.

 TCOY

1. Boot camp in the park, gorgeous day.
2. Hot bubble bath.
3. Lots of ice water.
4. Thinking, thinking: one day at a time. Have to start somewhere, even if it's with a feeling of fullness.
5. Going to bed now.

A Little Pink in our Cheeks

Milkmaid braids on Christina Aguilera.

Today was Punch's fifth birthday! I drove over to drop off a present, a pretty pink birthday hat and a little chocolate cake. Her mommy had made her a special cake, too,with white icing and pink sprinkles, and Punch showed me a card that had a sound chip with a dog's bark.

Little Punch. God bless her and keep her safe.

Young Fig. God bless her and keep her safe, too. She is doing better. I feel encouraged, and I think she does, too. Today she put her hair up in pretty "milkmaid braids," a style she saw in Glamour. Leave it to Fig to teach me about milkmaid braids. She also painted a flower on my hand.

Good night. If I don't go to sleep now, I won't be able to do boot camp in the morning.

TCOY

1. Church! Got there late, but was so glad I did. Found grace.
2. Good night's sleep.
3. Lots of ice water.
4. Walked Sug around block under stars. The poor fluffball has been totally neglected.
5. One day at a time; read helpful material.