She Is She, She Is Not Me.
I should repeat that 100 times while sitting yoga-style in a field of daisies and breathing deeply.
Still finding this mom-to-a-teenage-girl thing surprisingly hard sometimes. It grabs me unexpectedly. And when it does, it's devastatingly scary. Who is this person? Things will be humming along and then, bam. Did you think you could get comfortable for a minute there in your mommy chair?
Do not like the internet. Do not like happening upon raw feelings Figgy has expressed when she leaves a screen open [not on Facebook, but other sites, blogs and such]. The words and feelings scare me. The teenage angst, the darkness, the questioning, the heartbreak. It's like seeing another, hidden side of someone. I don't like it. It's jarring.
The damn computer brings everything to a higher speed, faster speed. When I was a girl, I talked to my friends about the boys I liked. Now it's like everybody is up in everybody else's grill [I just learned that phrase, and I like it].
Please, God, please keep my Figgy safe and sound. Even if she does not believe in God, I most certainly do.
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Good Morning Alice,
ReplyDeleteI hope this is somewhat reassuring. Lori went through a very similar teenage phase that lasted for quite some time, I’m sorry to say. I also have seen some disturbing screens left up (in her day it was My Space) and even worse – very dark poetry. How could a well-cared for, sheltered, suburban kid come up with this stuff? I would get a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach whenever I encountered these things. She shared nothing with me about her feelings, friends, anything. I don’t know why this happens with some kids and not others. Technology does make it a really different world than when we grew up. All I can say is that everything that you taught her is still in there and it will return. Oh, and Lori pulled the God thing for a while, too. And I said the same exact prayer!
Love, Linda
Hi Linda. Thank you for the note. It is very, very reassuring. i guess that since the time of romeo and juliet [mandatory reading for freshman year, when i was a teen and this year for F.], teens have been leaning toward drama and darkness and lightness.....i guess that's what happens when adulthood looms on the horizon? and you only get to be a teen for 7 years..... love always, alice
ReplyDeletep.s. am off to meet sis and dad later today...so he can check out the place we like and make sure he likes it too.....
good lord where did my post go -- something about us all being in it together -- a little consolation!
ReplyDeletethank you Kim......yes, all in it together....:) alice
ReplyDeleteI can only imagine, Alice. I hope it helps to hear that I'm SURE you are a wonderful mother, and that pays off in the end.
ReplyDeleteI remember how much I loved "The Bell Jar" when I was about Figgy's age, and now I look back and think how horrified I will be if/when Nora embraces Sylvia Plath.
I remember writing a suicide poem in 9th grade and my parents paled. And I couldn't get why they couldn't get how fabulously dark and dramatic it was.
ReplyDeleteYou guys are great for commenting...it truly helps lighten the load....btw, i discovered the bell jar in college and it remains one of my favorite books ever. love alice xo
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