Life can't be all 100 percent happy-happy. But it's the undercurrents of ill will that trouble me most--the ones that won't go away, even though they're not central to my life or happiness. They're like jellyfish tentacles that persist in reaching out and stinging me whenever I expose my skin.
Dogs Will Be Dogs
Here's what happened [and these neighbors don't read my blog, so I'm not worried]. Two years ago on a warm spring night, I was pushing little Punch in a stroller and holding Sug on her leash. It was something I did whenever I could--before or after work, or on days off--so they'd both get fresh air.
As we rounded the block, a neighborhood dog broke the stake she was chained to and came tearing at Sug, attacking her. [Sug and she had always barked viciously at each other when they passed on the street--so they had a history.] I had to release the stroller to bend down and separate the two, and lift Sug up...poor Punch was crying. I was crying. The next-door neighbor kindly came to the rescue, welcoming us into her home. The other dog owners were out. H. was in Chicago on business. Figgy and her best pal came racing around the block, like junior police officers on doggy patrol, to be sure Sug was okay.
She wasn't. She had a puncture wound. My friend Jean drove me to the animal hospital 30 minutes away while Figgy and her pal and pal's older sister watched Punch. Sug got surgery and came home, shaven, stiched up, bandaged around the middle. ["She looks like a Beanie Baby someone taped together," my nephew Will later observed.]
Money Changes Everything
The owner called and left us a message that night. He and I commuted together for years. And understand, our block is tight. We all go to the annual block party in early fall and the Halloween parade just for our kids. Many of us attend the same lavish Christmas party, New Year's Eve fête and Kentucky Derby party. This couple had held and rocked Punch for more than an hour at one of those parties.
He said how sorry he and his wife were and that they would of course pay for any vet bills. He said now they knew that a chain on a stake wasn't secure enough.
I called back the next day and said I appreciated that, because H. and I were trying hard to keep up with our bills, and we had just enough in our account to pay the mortgage that week.
"H. wants to report it to the police, but I told him I don't want him to," I said when the man dropped off the check that day. "I know how much your kids love your dog." I was afraid that reporting it meant the dog would be taken away.
"Well, I hope he doesn't," he said.
More Attacks
In the meanwhile, we heard that the dog had attacked two other dogs on the block before Sug, but the owners hadn't reported it. "They're very good about paying the vet bills," one dog owner told me. And around the same time, a rottweiler up the street jumped a fence and sunk its teeth into someone else and their dog. There were bloody tales circulating, and the neighbors were up in arms. The owners of the rottweiler ended up moving upstate pretty soon after. H. felt strongly that we had an obligation to file a report with the town. How would we feel, he reasoned, if the dog then attacked and hurt someone's baby or child, and we hadn't reported it?
Soon after, I had to take Sug to our regular vet to see how the wound was healing. A smart young intern noticed that it was infected. A sponge or gauze or something had been left inside, and the wound was healing over it. Left as it was, Sug would die. So they had to open up the wound and do surgery again. Out of the goodness of his heart, the generous, graying vet--a quiet legend in our town--didn't charge for that, if I remember correctly. It would have cost a lot.
Dog Catcher
I gather that what the town does when getting a report like this is send a letter to the family and then go visit them and the dog. If no human was attacked, the dog can stay.
And that's exactly what happened.
When I stop and think about it, I know H. is right. If it was our Sug who had been left unattended, broke her chain and attacked a dog while the dog owner was pushing a baby in a stroller, I would have been mortified and felt extremely guilty. I would have certainly understood if the other family had reported it to the town--especially once I found out that it was a warning, not a license to take the dog away.
Icy Stares
Yet I can't go to any neighborhood parties without the mom of that house giving me icy stares and the cold shoulder. She will completely ignore me when I say hello. Her husband told H. at Starbucks once that he did not want to fight and be enemies. But I guess his wife most certainly does. The other day, at the same barbecue for hours, they both ignored us.
It is so awkward. Isn't it hard to be hated, or is that just me?
What is the answer? Do I just have more growing up to do, a harder shell to develop? Armor that even Man o' War tentacles can't penetrate?
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Hi Alice. You must have been terrified during the attack, not only for Sug’s safety but for the safety of Punch as well! I will never understand how anyone could leave their dog tied up and go away for a few minutes, let alone hours. It would concern me greatly that what happened to you would happen (especially since the dog had a history of attacking other dogs) and also endangering the dog itself. She could be attacked by other dogs while tied up, with no means of escape. She could be stolen. She could break loose and be hit by a car. Leaving a dog tied up while unattended is irresponsible. You and H did the right thing. God forbid another dog or a child got attacked when reporting the dog could have prevented it. Sorry… I have strong opinions about this as a dog owner of over 30 years. I know it must feel uncomfortable to be on the end of icy stares but know that you did the right thing.
ReplyDeleteLove, Linda
I've been on both ends of the dog bite thing. I think you behaved responsibly, but it's very hard being on awkward terms with neighbors. It can poison your day. Maybe you should talk to her? (I know, too hard.)
ReplyDeleteI am at least partially responsible for my neighbors getting rid of their dog. He walked up to me and bit me out of the blue - a big puncture wound that took a couple of months to heal, and the scar remains. I didn't report it, but we talked repeatedly. They told me they were going to work with a trainer, not seeking my approval but I gave it anyway. They worked for months trying to train him, but with small children they simply could not keep him indoors and finally got rid of him after he ran over and attacked my bigger but scaredy dog.
On the other hand, a dog of mine bit someone once. Stitches worth. It was the worst trouble I ever felt I was in until death hit my family. I never heard from the police. The woman was a dog person who took responsibility for having walked up uninvited to pet my dog as we stood in the street just outside my house. However, I know in my state each dog gets one bite and then they are gone forever. I hired a trainer, and decided she would be gone if I couldn't achieve a level of peace with her. She would have been gone before that if I ever doubted her around my family. "Gone" is a euphemism for euthanasia, which is a euphemism for killing. We got the level of peace necessary, but it was hard work and she was always on probation and I was always on edge - never about me, but about other people.
The phrase I used is "She's not a great dog, but she's my dog. I took responsibility for her, and I owe her an effort to try." That's also what I agreed with my neighbors. I will never live dogless, but I will never live with a dangerous dog. What is dangerous? Not so clearcut to me as before the bite, but its about not taking risk with others' safety.
When you get a dog you are taking responsibility. If you can't meet the dog's needs, you shouldn't have a dog. If you can't meet the responsibility to your neighbors, you shouldn't have the dog. There are many good dogs out there looking for a loving home. There are just a few dogs that will never be able live with people. It's never the dog's fault, but people come first.
Hard Truths - your specialty!
Alice-
ReplyDeleteA harder shell? Oh, please don't. We love our soft-shelled Alice.
Anyway, kudos to H. for thinking it through and then acting in the best interest of the many children and many dogs that share your neighborhood. Given the history of that particular dog, think how you or H. would feel if Sug was attacked again or if one of the many children in the neighborhood became collateral damage in another dog-on-dog attack.
Its easy to feel the hard edges of an icy stare. But there is also the pure goodness of acting in the interests of your neighbors, even when they may not be aware of your actions. Kudos to H. Kudos to you. And thanks to the heavens for sparing our Sug and our little Punch.
Hi Nan and Hi Anne. Thanks for the notes. Nan, I wish I could muster up the courage to talk to the woman....i have tried many times to say hello and she just makes it clear that she wants nothing to do with me. but i have not just plunged in and said listen, let's talk about what happened....i can be such a coward. i truly can. i can also be a lionheart in other matters. i don't want to give myself short shrift ;). Anne, thanks for your note! i was grateful to call you from the animal hospital that night and get your ear and your sympathy :) you have been so good to Sug and Punch.....and all of us... love alice
ReplyDeleteMost of what needs to be said re: the dog has been said here by others. Here's what I would do re: the people (neighbors). I would write a letter to them both using much of the language from this entry and starting off by saying that the husband mentioned to H. he wanted a treaty, and you both do, too. The letter would explain your rationale, no apologies, but an ending about wanting to put this behind you to get back to at least civil terms. I would end by saying to the wife in particular, "I'll try to say hello next time we meet. I hope the hello will be reciprocated." If it's not, put a fork in it and don't give it another thought. Let it go, knowing you did all you could do and the problem is theirs, not yours.
ReplyDeleteHi Kim. Thank you for the advice.....you are a wise woman. i will see what i can do. love alice
ReplyDelete