Big Brother 2

I know Andy wasn't really Ronny's dad, and that these smiles were coaxed by cameramen. But I also know my father and his firstborn had some happy times--collecting coins, for one thing. Image from gasolinealleyantiques.com.

I dreamt I saw my big brother, who is living in New York City [has been since moving there to attend Cooper Union for college] but is estranged from us all. Has been for 10+ years now. He is 58 years old.

Dream Weavings
Pillow details still fresh in my mind at 7:26 A.M.:

1. He did not live in Manhattan, but in a street-level apartment I think I had to take a train to. I think it was in one of the outer boroughs.
2. I just showed up. He was walking to his apartment and I walked up to him.
3. He did not run or hide.
4. When I hugged him, I felt his long beard against my face. 
5. His apartment was kind of cluttered. [Or was that my condo I was seeing?]
6. No sooner had we arrived, then two young guys [in low-hanging jeans and baseball caps] came to collect the rent. It wasn't late; it was due October 1, and they also wanted the October 15 payment, but since BB was out of town a lot, they hoped to collect it then. BB talked to me in an aside about this, smiling and jokey.
7. The guys indicated that if BB gave him a cash tip/gift, then he would not have to pay the two months' rent at the moment. He pulled a bill out of his wallet and I thought it was a fifty. But it turned out it was a forty. [I can change currency denominations in dreams.] He put it in their plastic sherbet/ice cream container, already full of checks and cash.
8. He seemed glad to see me, and like himself. Smart, kind, funny, witty. Calm.
9. There was a lot happening outside the apartment. A lot of energy, artistic. Not unlike St. Mark's Place the other night.

That's it. I don't remember much else. But there's something I've been meaning to do, and let me do it right now, at 7:39.

Paper Chase
Okay, I'm back at 8:04. I had to find the FedEx receipt. Maybe Richard Nixon came back from his grave to sign for the letter I sent in August, the one written in pen on paper on which I had photocopied some old black and white family photos, including one of the four siblings [BB, Sis, Will and me]. I wanted to let my brother know that Dad was failing, and hoped he would get in touch. We weren't even sure he still lived at this address. The phone was disconnected.

Status: Delivered Delivered to: Residence 

Signed for by: R.NIXON Delivery date: Aug 16, 2010 14:02 

Service type: Standard Envelope 


I didn't bother to check at fedex.com till now, because I never got a response, anyway. And until I just told H., it never even occurred to me that signing R. Nixon was somebody being funny. 

I don't know if BB ever reads my blog, but if he does, I wish he would contact me. I put my cell phone number on the letter, and my email address is alicehurley@aol.com. 

There is a man in room 111 of Van Dyk Manor who may have been imperfect but is a good, good person with a true heart. He has shown that many times. He has tried mightily to keep his eldest son in his life. No matter what you are feeling, my brother, I wish you could find it in your heart to go visit him. [And I don't mean to be hard-hearted. I'm not sure what you're battling, but I know myself that battling depression can be hard.] There are some things in life that take relatively little time but can lift trunks of worry from a father's shoulders. 

That's Van Dyk Manor, 42 North Mountain Avenue, Montclair, NJ 07042; 973-783-9400. The DeCamp bus runs to Montclair; 973-783-7500, www.decamp.com. So do NJ Transit trains, www.njtransit.com. And I would be happy to pick you up at the train station or bus stop. Maybe I could take you out for coffee or lunch. 

Hell, I would even drive into NYC to pick you up and drive you there.

That's all she wrote. I have to nail my deadlines.