Can I Write My Way Out of This?

The train in the distance is riding on the Rock-A-Bye Railroad,
which carried Jersey peaches through the state
from 1888 through about 1913.

At midday, things looked bleak. I can't go into details--not mine to share. But as I lay down on my bed, feeling helpless and defeated--no matter if my heart was in the right place, no matter if I stayed calm and kind, no matter if H. and I were doing our best--I saw a lesson outside my window. The tree over by Dean and Julie's was whipping in the wind against the blue sky, and two things occurred to me.

1. There are buds on those branches. Trees can take it. They can lose their beautiful leafy dresses, shed their flowers, drop their seeds. They have roots that keep them grounded, that dig deep down, that find security. Trees are massive creatures that require crews of men, special trucks and tools and mounds of money to be taken down. That tree by Julie's house has buds on it. I saw them. And it won't be long until they are in full leaf again. Those baby buds reminded me that no matter how empty things appear, there is always later, always tomorrow, always another chance. Things generally don't stop in the darkest part--they just take a rest. But that doesn't mean they don't emerge as or more beautiful than before. Our lilac tree and Rose of Sharon stood up gracefully to those gusts.
2. I wish I could write my way out of this. Maybe I really could write a novel, I thought. I'd like to create a world different from this one. To work on words in a story I make up in my mind. I lay crafting a gentle tale--now it sounds like a children's book. I thought about pretty pink bridges and the Rock-A-Bye Baby Railroad, a real rail from the early 1900s that ran on a single track by a New Jersey estate I toured recently for an article. The Rock-A-Bye transported fragrant summer peaches from orchards to customers. I thought of a storybook scene and started playing with words in my mind to capture it. Bridge is the only word I can remember now.

The day did turn. Figgy and I got our nails done [I had a gift card] and then went to see Justin Bieber: Never Say Never in 3-D, which we both really liked. It was Fig's second viewing--her friend Laura won a singing contest and tickets to the NYC premiere. The girls saw Justin and his mother there.

I am not 16, but I did love that boy's positive energy and his songs.

Never say never. Good night.


Photo note: The Rockabye’s train heads for Whitehouse, NJ. Photo from njskylands.com--by Tom Taber III, “The Rock-A-Bye Baby, A History of the Rockaway Valley Railroad.”