Cannot divulge too much in this public space, but today was one of the toughest days ever. Heartbreaking and scary.
Dan and I called in reinforcements, he from Punch's therapist, me from an expert on a call line; my therapist; and my psychiatrist. Each was helpful in his or her own way, especially the latter two.
Then there were more, and they turned out to be insightful and supportive, too.
Good night Sleep cannot come soon enough.
#Godpleaseblessourfamily #Pleaseseeusthroughthepain #PraytoGod #Rowtoshore #Maywebe #Atreethatbends #butdoesnotbreak
TCOY
Dan and I called in reinforcements, he from Punch's therapist, me from an expert on a call line; my therapist; and my psychiatrist. Each was helpful in his or her own way, especially the latter two.
Then there were more, and they turned out to be insightful and supportive, too.
Good night Sleep cannot come soon enough.
#Godpleaseblessourfamily #Pleaseseeusthroughthepain #PraytoGod #Rowtoshore #Maywebe #Atreethatbends #butdoesnotbreak
TCOY
- Morning support group on Zoom.
- Ate broccoli and artichoke from Italian market yesterday.
- Ice water.
FOOD
- 1:40 am, couldn't sleep, trudged downstairs and had bread w. pesto, cereal with milk, walnuts, raisins, piece of Fig's beet brownie, Punch's leftover pancake in fridge. Compulsive overeating.
- 9:30 am, coffee with whole milk. Meeting and phone call ended about 11:30.
- Early lunch, some of pasta dish from Italian place, some bread with pesto, butter. Plate of vegetables.
- 4 Ritz crackers, a little cheese.
- Small bag Smart Puffs.
- Handful veggie sticks [crunchy snack].
- Ditto Annie's cheese popcorn.
- Some KETO coffee ice cream. Not too creamy; label says no sugar added.
- Dinner, small piece mediocre pizza. Waste of money. It was from Brooklyn via Kings supermarket [frozen]. Some luxury spends are worth it and some are not.
- Glass Newman's Own Pink Lemonade.
- Glass cold milk.
- I forgot to add this from Wednesday: 2 curbside pickups: Sal's sandwich split with Punch, $14.71; and Red Eye Cafe, 2 drinks plus big $3 service tip, $10.24, so $24.95.
Ongoing monthly spend as of May 9: $886.26.
Avg daily spend: $98.47.
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Keep an eye on/compare to previous months:
April: Total monthly spend: $2,143.19.
Avg daily spend: $71.44.
Avg daily spend: $71.44.
March--the effect of coronavirus quarantine and not working in NYC for now
Total monthly spend as of March 31: $1,916.15.
Avg daily spend: $61.81.
February
Total monthly spend as of Feb. 29: $2,480.34.
Avg daily spend: $85.53.
Avg daily spend: $85.53.
January
Total monthly spend as of Jan 31: $3,063.60.
Avg daily spend: $98.83.
September
August
December 2019 [Christmas and all that entails]
Total monthly spend as of Dec. 31: $3,998.16.
Avg daily spend: $128.97.
November
Total spend for November (30 days): $2,979.03.
Average daily spend: $99.30.
October
Total spend for OCTOBER 31 days: $2,495.36.
AVERAGE DAILY SPEND: $80.49.
TOTAL SPEND FOR SEPTEMBER (30 DAYS): $2,214.43.
AVERAGE DAILY SPEND: $73.81.
TOTAL SPEND FOR AUGUST (31 DAYS/PLUS VACAY IN HERE): $2,895.06. ⬆️
AUGUST AVERAGE DAILY SPEND: $93.39. ⬆️
Posts
Heartbreaking and scary.... we are with you. So glad you called for help and it came. Nothing practical to offer, but we are with you. We love you, and support you as you do your best.
ReplyDeleteXOXOXOXOXO XOXOXOXOXO
Nan
Oh, Alice, I remember my most horrifying moments with a kid, a family in crisis..when the very air around me felt warped, altered, in pain. I am sending you so much love.
ReplyDeleteI send you this...I found great comfort in it...in the hopes that my daughter would find her shore, but also that I would, too.
ReplyDeleteLie back daughter, let your head
be tipped back in the cup of my hand.
Gently, and I will hold you. Spread
your arms wide, lie out on the stream
and look high at the gulls. A dead-
man's float is face down. You will dive
and swim soon enough where this tidewater
ebbs to the sea. Daughter, believe
me, when you tire on the long thrash
to your island, lie up, and survive.
As you float now, where I held you
and let go, remember when fear
cramps your heart what I told you:
lie gently and wide to the light-year
stars, lie back, and the sea will hold you.
First Lesson, Philip Booth
Not everything can be cured, but no child is hurt by having people love and care for them. Yay for getting help, you can only do your best. Ignore pink and roses media views today, for most of us parenting is more white water rafting than an
ReplyDeleteidyllic drift across a pond.
X
Liz