The Skinny

Mirror, mirror on the wall, who's the sveltest of them all?
Image from invitinghome.com.

I've been weeding my closet. It helps that its size is now doubled, since we folded another closet space into mine--and Sal, the very talented carpenter on our contractor's team, built me shelves and put up hooks. I love it.

I've bit the bullet and thrown out things I had kept forever. A navy and cream cropped jacket with bulky shoulder pads [the bottom part of that suit was a pair of navy tailored shorts, not too short]. A cute little flippy black and white tartan skirt from Henri Bendel that I remember wearing with black tights the month we moved into our new house. [Figgy was born nine months later.] Maternity clothes--green with white polka dots and little pearl buttons. And brand-new items I bought on sale [like a smocklike pink jacket] that were never going to work, even at 75 percent off.

It isn't easy to face it all, because I used to be much, much slimmer, and when I see my old clothes, hold them up, I really can't believe how small my waist was! Even the clothes from post-Figgy are small.

I can still hear the words of my ob/gyn: Be careful, he said. It's very easy to gain weight when you're pregnant, but it's very hard to take it off. 

I actually did lose most of my pregnancy poundage by the time I returned to work after my 12-week leave. But then began--or bloomed--a process of soothing myself, my stress, with food. Of trying to fill holes with food. Trying to stop anxiety, lift sadness, bury guilt. 

Maybe it worked temporarily, but at a steep cost. If you eat two Devil Dogs, you can then feel rotten about that rather than something else. But what all of that indulgence left me with is a body that is less fit, less energetic and far less shapely.

There have been lots of brownies and mochas with whip since then....but I am happy to say that I finally seem to be losing some weight. It looks like I am finally on the right road. I hope I can stay there.