Today was hard. Six-tissue day. Sadness heavy on my chest, weighing me down, holding me back. Everything required effort, so much effort that I thought, I can't do that. "That" being taking my medicine out of the Rx bottle, getting a Dixie cup to fill with tap water, finding clean socks [last pair, stolen from Figgy, who was out working by then], peeling apples for a crisp, opening Sug's dog food and putting it on her little saucer. I had to sit down and muster up the energy in between tasks. I also shouted and cursed a little. Not proud. Just sayin'.
I know one thing that hurt and saddened me, but really, a few things converged. And it also turns out that today was the start of my cycle. [I know, what an old-fashioned way to say that.] Was the sadness related? Hormones in flight? The older I get, the more possible the link seems.
Felt steamrolled and exhausted. Usually don't go to sleep till 1 A.M. Sug woke me at 3:30 A.M. two nights in a row, and that annoyed me, too. I had to lumber downstairs with her. One night she had to go out, the next time she pranced proudly to her water bowl in the kitchen for a drink. All I know is, I was up in the pitch dark. And I was cranky.
I could have slept all day. I asked H. to please bring me peanut butter on a slice of whole-wheat toast and he did. I was hoping the protein would rouse me. It didn't. H. finally had to force me to get out of bed at nearly 2 o'clock. In talking to him, I started sobbing and then had to get up because when I cry, my chest gets all congested and I have to get up and blow my nose or I can't breathe. Lie-and-die did not seem like a reasonable option at that moment in time.
Our friends Anne and Michael came over for dinner. That was nice.
Good night.
TCOY
I know one thing that hurt and saddened me, but really, a few things converged. And it also turns out that today was the start of my cycle. [I know, what an old-fashioned way to say that.] Was the sadness related? Hormones in flight? The older I get, the more possible the link seems.
Get Me to the Church On Time
I wanted to go to Mass, never got there. First planned on 10:30, then noon, then the 3:30 Mass at Mountainside Hospital, for stragglers like me and people who fit in church on hospital time. Couldn't make it.Felt steamrolled and exhausted. Usually don't go to sleep till 1 A.M. Sug woke me at 3:30 A.M. two nights in a row, and that annoyed me, too. I had to lumber downstairs with her. One night she had to go out, the next time she pranced proudly to her water bowl in the kitchen for a drink. All I know is, I was up in the pitch dark. And I was cranky.
I could have slept all day. I asked H. to please bring me peanut butter on a slice of whole-wheat toast and he did. I was hoping the protein would rouse me. It didn't. H. finally had to force me to get out of bed at nearly 2 o'clock. In talking to him, I started sobbing and then had to get up because when I cry, my chest gets all congested and I have to get up and blow my nose or I can't breathe. Lie-and-die did not seem like a reasonable option at that moment in time.
Crawling Toward the Sun Inch by Inch
So I shampooed my hair, applied my face moisturizer, put on my denim skirt, laced up my sneakers, slid on my big sunglasses and we drove over to Mills Reservation with Sug to take a walk. It felt good to be out in the sun, breathing the air, seeing the trees. I am grateful that H. got me up. Fight it, he said. Fight it. I 'm glad to have had his support, and glad Mother Nature is always rolling out a show for us if we only take the time to stop and see it. Our friends Anne and Michael came over for dinner. That was nice.
Good night.
TCOY
- Walk at Mills Reservation.
- Veggies! Luckily, Anne came bearing a fresh spinach salad.
- Walked Sug around block at night with Fig.
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