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Tuesday, April 18, 2017

Preparing a Farewell

It was a busy day here in Stamford, Connecticut for Sis and me--especially for Sis, since she was fielding texts and calls and emails from Don's five children near and far. California, Utah, Wisconsin, Chicago, Connecticut. And all of this, of course, between many fallen tears.

We spent three hours at the funeral home. The owner, Tom, was helpful. He grew up in Stamford, and as we sat with him at the polished wood conference table, he called to line up the restaurant [Pellicci's, a favorite of Don's, where he loved the Chicken Parmigiana and Chicken Marsala, and sweet spumoni] and the minister who will lead the memorial service.

Don is being cremated. Sis chose the box to hold his ashes, the sailboat design to decorate it, the glass-enclosed "ark" to display it in the funeral home when we pay our last respects. We looked through a catalog that showed all kinds of containers, and even pretty pendants to hold ashes. Stamford Florist has a branch right at the funeral home, which is brilliant, and Sis chose the flowers there--blues and whites, because Don loved fishing, boating, the water. Donna was so helpful with the picking of hydrangeas, irises and lilies.

We talked about the obituary, which I will write tomorrow. I'm staying over tonight, and H. is handling Punchy back at the ranch; this is her spring break from school. This time, I have the car and they have no wheels. They have been walking in and out of town a lot. We had planned to leave today for a few days on the Cape but now hope to go on Thursday and return Sunday. The service is on Monday.

One of my favorite details is the remembrance card Sis chose: It has a lighthouse on the front and on the other side, with Don's name and the dates, these words from the Robert Louis Stevenson poem "Requiem":

Home is the sailor, home from sea.

We didn't like the other parts about wanting to be laid to rest, because Don loved life. But Robert Louis Stevenson wrote the poem as his own epitaph and incidentally, he is buried in Samoa. Sis served two years in the Peace Corps in Western Samoa.

I am tired and better rest. But I am so grateful I can be here.

Tom needs the obit by 1 tomorrow, and I know I will have some blanks for Sis to fill in and names for her to double-check. But I am proud to say I know my brother-in-law's life story pretty well.

Good night. Prayers for two special people here on earth. Prayers, strength, prayers, trust, prayers, perspective. Godspeed, good will, love.

TCOY
  1. Big spinach salad w delicious shrimp at the Crab Shell restaurant in Stamford. Excellent mug of coffee, too. I'm every now and then able to be satisfied w coffee in place of dessert, which is a big step for me.
  2. Laughs over dinner with Sis's friend Nicole, who took the train out from NYC to support Sis.
  3. Walked Sis and Don's sweet butterscotch dog, Buttercup. She and I felt the wind in our faces and saw a regal snowy white egret taking flight.
  4. Ice water.



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