13th Birthday Letter to Punchy

Figgy loved this movie, and so do you. We all do.
It is soooo great.

Dear Punchy,

Yesterday was your 13th birthday--Wednesday, March 11, 2020.

Dan and I heard you say "Best birthday ever."

Really, what could be better than the promise of a puppy? We hope to get one by May 15. You have been begging us for years and years. You spent $50 plus of your Christmas money ordering a dog bed, food and water bowls, etc. You asked for Petco gift cards for your bday, and Dan and I got you a $25 one; Figgy got you a $50 one! [BTW, Figgy is hardworking and dotes on you. She also got you a beautiful card and wrote a long, beautiful message about the teen years--and a black Adidas dress and a $15 Starbucks card.]

Our funds are tight right now, but we bought a bouquet of puppy balloons from Jonathan on Bellevue Avenue and spent a lot of money on groceries for your dinner/cakes last night. Around the table: Dan, Figgy, me, you, Michael and Nikki Mernin, Auntie and your dear friends, the twins Vaurie and Finn.

This is sixth grade, your first year of middle school.

We are growing closer, you and me. I am happy for that. I still remember when you arrived here at our house at four weeks old. It was nighttime. The state worker bringing you was delayed. You were wearing a lavender fleece zip-up baby sack. You smelled good. I thought, "Wow, I can tell this baby was loved at the hospital." Since you were there for almost a month, I imagined nurses reading and singing to you, loving you.

Of course, I'm sure your mom and your grandfather were loving you, too.

I know you have suffered much pain and loss in your life. You were 15 months old when the state reunited you with your birth family. Too young to verbalize it, not too young to cry and roar during the transition times....first, you spent an afternoon unsupervised with your mom, then an overnight, then a weekend. When you came back from the weekend and I had to put you back in your car seat and drive you to day care in Clifton, where the women were lovely and adored you, so I could go to work in New York City--you cried your heart out. Your baby self could tell your routine was changing. 

When you came back from that first weekend away from us, I went through the overnight bag like a detective. Please understand, my goal was always your safety. I was never out to undermine anyone. I  found bus tickets. Your mom had taken you on a bus to see other members of your family in South Jersey. I think she took the bus to Atlantic City. I think you and she visited your dad and probably Pop Pop JR and your young aunts, Gabby and Alyssa.

But back to yesterday. I got you tiramisu from Cafe Giotto on Church Street in Montclair. You love their tiramisu! I picked up four squares and put them on that pretty aqua cake platter you helped Dan pick out at Little Daisy Bake Shop for my birthday one year.

I also made a good vegan chocolate cake with bittersweet ganache, so Figgy could partake.

I gave her $30 so she could drive you to your favorite restaurant, SLA Thai, and get a couple of dishes to share. You also stopped at Starbucks and got a free iced coffee drink for your birthday. Auntie brought roasted broccoli--and her adorable doggy, Buttercup. I made salmon and a panful of crispy, pan-browned baby yellow potatoes. [I steamed them first, which I learned in one of my first cookbooks--a Martha Stewart bought in Cape May when Dan and I were still dating.] We sliced a prepared roasted chicken.

Well, I have to go get dressed. It was my turn to rise at 6 today to get you up and the Ramiccio Cup Championship event is happening at school today. I volunteered to go in and help with three other parents. I also signed up to bring fruit. I'm piling two platters with strawberries. The World Health Organization yesterday categorized the corona virus as a pandemic. We will be wearing gloves to serve the food. Montclair Public Schools are closed tomorrow, so staff can plot/plan in the event that they have to teach remotely. The possibility of no school for weeks? Oy vey.

Dan has jury duty in Newark, so he has the car. I will walk to town and then take an Uber to Glenfield Middle School. I'm supposed to help at the party from 10:30 to 12:30 with other moms. Oops, you would quickly say "You're not my mom." Correct.

That's the price we pay for not being able to adopt you, since your mom retained maternal rights. And she also called up soon after you landed back here at age 6 1/2 to tell you she did not want you calling us Dad and Mom. You had asked if it was okay.

One day, sweet Punchy, I hope you will know in your heart--and maybe you already do--that I have loved you like a mother, like a good, true mother. That Dan has been a dad to you. My eyes welled up with tears when I wrote that.

Punch, you have a good heart. I love the way you love animals and care deeply about people. 

Some details:

• You have beautiful green eyes and great hair.
• You adore our doggy, Sugar.
• You love mangos and fresh figs.
• You despise math. Dan found an excellent tutor, Layla, from the Key Club at Montclair High School. She comes every Tuesday for one hour. The geometry chapter seems better.
• You need to do more Spanish homework, according to Señora Rolandelli.
• You are crazy about Starbucks.
• Your closest friends include Vaurie, Finn, Lilith, Magnus, Kiki--and of course, Nikki.
• You like to ride Fig's skateboard. I always hound you to put your helmet on. Our block is a big downhill!
• You remind us so much of your Mimi--your stance, your mannerisms, the way you talk, the way your organize your desk neatly, as she must, as a middle school principal in Vineland, NJ. The way you hold a spatula and cook at the stove. You look just like her. Pop Pop JR and Poppy both have told me that you look a lot like your mother, too.
• You, Dan and I had so much fun on Cape Cod last weekend. We hoisted you up an old abandoned apple tree so you could clip branches and Dan can try to graft them to our existing apple tree. We were laughing.
• You also got lost on a nature path in that Fort Hill area. Thank goodness you saw a woman, Margaret, outside on Hemenway Road and she let you use her phone. Dan and I drove right over.
• Despite math, you like school. A lot.

I better get going, Punchy. As you know, I have a tendency to run late.

Happy birthday. Godspeed, God bless. May you live a long, happy, healthy life to 100 years old, dear Punchy. May you remember in your heart and soul and mind that though we are not your birth family, we love you fiercely and care deeply. May the love and loyalty we have shown see you through life's ups and downs. May the teen years go gently. I'm crying again.

Love always,

Ali/Alice 

P.S. Don't do drugs. Just say no. I also recommend avoiding alcohol and sex until you are much older. Addiction is real, and takes hold like a tiger's teeth--and broken hearts are hella painful. Being intimate with someone when you are young will not guarantee that you stay together. Also, remember to be kind and think of others. Repeat after me. I am Alexa Marquez, and I am a good, true person.

TCOY

1. Walked Sug around block.
2. Planted Tiny Dancer daffodil plant, which should return in years to come.
3. Bought tulips on sale, one bunch for us, one for Auntie to take home.

$ MONEY SPENT OUT OF POCKET

• ShopRite, very big bill, including your fancy Papyrus bday card, $8.95, yikes; birthday candles; 2 Lindt bittersweet chocolate bars for ganache; cash back of $30, to buy the Thai food; $25 Petco gift card; Lysol spray [there's a run on disinfectants and Purell with this corona virus]; pure maple syrup for the chocolate cake, $7.99; 2 pints raspberries for family; 5 quarts strawberries to bring to school party, $12.50 [great sale]; 6-pack Blue Moon Ale; 2 pieces stuffed salmon; gallon organic whole milk; fresh figs, $7.98; and Grape-Nuts, bananas, raisins, dried figs, many cheeses for party, Stacy's pita chips [your request], 2 jars berry preserves, a plump roasted chicken, waxed paper and more, $250.78.

total daily spend: $250.78.

ongoing monthly spend as of March 11: $985.88.

avg daily spend: $89.63.