"Standing By Peaceful Waters"

This pretty little book was published in 1973. I picked it up and put it back a few times over the years in the Cape Cod gift shop--I can't remember if it was at the National Seashore Visitor Center or the Wellfleet Bay Wildlife Sanctuary. I've known their book inventories pretty well, with all that compounded vacation time to browse by peaceful waters. The colorful illustrated cover and the title called out to me, even if I never in my life make Beach Plum Jelly. I finally bought the soft cover one year and just rediscovered it on the bookshelves in my home office. 

With quiet time alone this week, I've been reading it. Wonderful work by Elizabeth Post Mirel (who had three young children at the time, including a baby) with graceful illustrations by Betty Fraser. I do want the kind of calm where I make a pocket of time to read Plum Crazy, because it evokes a place and a passion. Our long-time Cape Cod friends Rite and Bob picked beach plums. I don't know if I ever learned to recognize the fruit until now, but there may be some nearby here in Connecticut.

Sis flew to the Southwest (New Mexico) to travel with her Peace Corps friend and family and called on me to dog-sit her enchanting pup, Galena, for more than a week. I walk that girly at least three times a day, and never sleep past 8, because she doesn't.

I'm loving it. Sis still gets The New York Times paper edition delivered daily. I sat on the sofa drinking in the Sunday Styles section. I met my friend/magazine colleague Mary Kate, who lives nearby, for a lovely catch-up breakfast in Cos Cob (part of Greenwich). I went to Mass in Stamford, and then asked Google to find the nearest Whole Foods, so ended up in high-end Darien midday Sunday, where I felt like a fish out of moneyed water. Two striking blonde women (not together) wore little immaculate white pleated tennis skirts, in perfect contrast to their golden tans. They were coming from or going to the courts. Eyewear was on trend, as were baby carriers and the handsome young dads wearing them for weekend duty. Some branded local products (cacao pudding and whipped bath scrub) were tempting but both went the way of beautiful Ice Cream Tulip bulbs, named for their double ice-cream-cone like blooms, but over my budget. The children, for the most part, seemed well-mannered. The place was packed. Though the store was mostly stocked with the same products our Montclair Whole Foods carries, I felt an imbalance, shall we say, which I never feel in my diverse hometown.

Behold luscious Ice Cream Tulips. I want to add some to our spring garden. 

You can also find Strawberry Ice Cream Tulips (red) 

and Banana Ice Cream Tulips (yellow). 

If I revisit Darien Whole Foods, I will buy a bag of bulbs.

Galena and I have been marina-gazing here in Shippan Point, turning our faces to the birds flying over the harbor and crossing paths with baby deer and other dogs (Pluto, Milo, Bo, etc.). We went to a small beach and walked out on the fishing pier, which has evenly spaced holes in the railings to rest poles while prepping bait or waiting for a bite.

When we go out back on the short boardwalk path by tall feathery grass and a snow egret, Galena and I stop by the plaque that commemorates the trade between two chiefs of Onax Tribe No. 41, International Order of Red Men, and a white British captain in 1640 and memorialized for the city of Stamford in 1916. The original owners swapped this beauty for some coats, glasses, knives, kettles, wampum and a few other things. Read more about that here (excellent report by Chase Wright).

Harbors are calm, harbors are good, whether our paths are charted or uncharted. Which brings me to these beautiful lyrics from "Lake Marie," by John Prine, released in 1995:

We were standing

Standing by peaceful waters

Standing by peaceful waters.....

SPOKEN: Many years ago along the Illinois-Wisconsin Border

There was this Indian tribe

They found two babies in the woods

White babies

One of them was named Elizabeth

She was the fairer of the two

While the smaller and more fragile one was named Marie

Having never seen white girls before

And living on the two lakes known as the Twin Lakes

They named the larger and more beautiful Lake, Lake Elizabeth

And thus the smaller lake that was hidden from the highway

Became known forever as Lake Marie...

Onward now...

Correction: When I wrote this post on the fourth floor of the Shops at Hudson Yards in NYC yesterday, I put the wrong date for the tribal trade. It was 1640, not 1612. The plaque commemorates the original July 1, 1640 sale by American Indian Chiefs Ponus and Wascussue to British Capt. Nathaniel Turner, an agent for the New Haven Colony.

"Toyota Universe" and #Onceinabluemoon

Image from and info at https://starwalk.space/fr/news/full-blue-moon*.

Hi from the Toyota service center on Route 46 East in Little Falls, New Jersey.

I'm happy to be here for a noon appointment on a summer Wednesday because

A. It's our first free maintenance check and oil change (under warranty) on the preowned (formerly leased only) RAV4 we bought this spring. It feels good to take care of yourself and of your car. This is fun, especially when the service, with 21-point check, is already paid for, though of course you get ripped off with inflated interest rates and bloated warranty protection charges, etc. when you sign the contract. Next time, if and when there is a next time, I will be far more present and careful. Dan and I did our best. I am grateful for our car.

B. I'm in a workspace away from home, hooray, sitting at a cubicle with a big desktop computer. Not seeing dustballs on carpet, dishes to wash, faded orange echinacea to deadhead in the garden, never mind my laptop and notepads of interview notes, stories I want to pitch. It's just the service area holding room, but it takes me back to all the offices I worked in--at clean desks with other people committed to a common, branded purpose. In this case, it's Toyota technicians and service advisors (shoutout to my man Luis) and of course, the cashier, but I might as well be back at the Twin-Boro News, The Daily Targum at Rutgers, The Nation summer internship. Woman's Day, Seventeen, Good Housekeeping, Cigar Aficionado or Strategic Communications, my last NYC staff job. Or the Hot Chocolate Sparrow on Cape Cod or Joyist, the fabulous smoothie place that thrived in Montclair before the pandemic shuttered it. I loved working on my Rose Gold laptop there, while the Joyist pros buzzed up healthy "Natalie" pink drinks and peanut-butter fueled "Lukes," salads and bowls in that sleek, modern space. All of us--we were industrious and working for a greater cause, witnesses to one another's efficiency and effort. That's what you lose when you work alone at home.

Nissan has free Danishes, a fellow Toyota owner said to several of us near the free coffee machine. (No pastries or bagels there at noon, just vending machines.) We all like to convene and kibitz with other people.

I've been organizing my sunroom office for over a month now. I've filled seven grocery totes or more with books I needed, wanted, loved and in many cases never even cracked open. Pricey cookbooks, including one all about making jam, a double I bought of a Giada fresh Italian bible, an extra Michael Pollan copy. I removed a small bookcase from my sunroom office to make space. That's how many books I have released. I've been unearthing beautiful wood shelves and polishing them with my little bottle of luxury Diptyque leather and wood lotion, featured in my assignment for Good Housekeeping, 10 Best Furniture Polishes of 2024, Tested by Cleaning Experts. Anything French and chic is a win in my book.

SURPRISE NEW ENGLAND LOBSTER ROLL AND SUMMER BLUE MOON!!!!!

Sis told me Sunday about the blue moon coming Monday. It doesn't look blue, just perfectly full, bright, textured and seen. Memorable. Craters, storybook dimensions. So clear and close, you wish to pluck it from the sky.

So Monday at 5 p.m., I drove to Connecticut (usually one-hour drive but took 1 hr. 20 minutes due to rush hour and downpours) to see the #onceinabluemoon Supermoon with her. It was stupendous. 

I can see little blue men up there, Sis joked, pausing to look through her binoculars while we walked her dog, Galena. 

Add to that a lobster roll that rivals the best I ever had, maybe 30 years ago in Kennebunkport, Maine with Dan pre-kids or the one we loved at McLoon's Lobster Shack with Spice/Spike more recently. This roll was a special at Tomato Tomato, a pizza/Italian restaurant right down the street from Sis in Stamford. Big, succulent "local" lobster pieces. Melted butter for dipping. Toasted, charred, buttered bun with perfect grill marks. It was an appetizer, and cost $25, but it was ample. Sis treated. I only paid a little. 

And the dazzling Democratic National Convention in Chicago!!!!!!! Michelle and Barack Obama. JFK's grandson, Jack Schlossberg (newly minted contributer to Vogue). Oprah. Nancy Pelosi. President Bill Clinton. Young poet Amanda Gorman. So much. So much hope.

Good night.

*

*In French from that site: 

Qu'est-ce qu'une Lune bleue ?

L'origine du nom est encore incertaine. Il est utilisé depuis longtemps ; certains le font remonter à 400 ans, lorsque cela signifiait quelque chose qui ne pouvait jamais se produire (d'où l'expression anglaise "once in a Blue Moon").

Une Lune bleue peut être saisonnière et calendaire. Examinons de plus près chaque définition.

translated from French: 

What is a Blue Moon?

The origin of the name is still uncertain. It has been used for a long time; some date it back 400 years, when it meant something that could never happen (hence the English expression "once in a Blue Moon").

A Blue Moon can be seasonal and calendar. Let's take a closer look at each definition.

Sadness + Joy

I’ve been meaning to write about these two topics for weeks.

My parents were laid to rest here. Anne in 1981, John in 2011. Sis and I put hydrangeas on the grave at George Washington Memorial Park cemetery in Paramus on Tuesday, July 23. Photos taken 3:22 p.m.

I cried for them, I missed them. I found some courage there. 

Oh yes, they were smart and strong, as were their parents, immigrants from Italy and Ireland (except my grandmother Alice, a New Yorker who lived in an orphanage after her mother died). 

I come from a line of Irish people with charm, with twinkle, with friends, my ancestors' Galway blue, chestnut brown or NY jet-black eyes sparkling, merry, soulful or mischievous. People with the gift of gab. Italian people who loved their families deeply with a love that traveled person to person even without words or gestures. From a line of Catholics. From my parents, who laughed and read, who sought the ocean, Manhattan, art, music and culture, who were highly educated (Fordham, City College) and intelligent about everything, even quickly surmising what type of person someone was inside. 

There were issues, too. I recognize that now, and it's sad and painful, the tragedy and alcoholic trauma the family held inside. It took my life's journey to arrive there, doors opened and closed. And the journey continues, the doors still appearing. Truth and beauty.

Standing there in the grass in my tank top, flip-flops and skirt, I could see my mother in her 1970s long-sleeve print dress with matching fabric belt, "suntan" colored pantyhose. The shoes, I can't remember the shoes. And my Dad, well, as I always saw him, in pants and a collared, buttoned, short-sleeve shirt, white or pale blue oxford, open at the neck to reveal a white, short-sleeved undershirt. (His collar size was 17 1/2, which we all knew.) Leather shoes with laces.

I had gone alone to the cemetery a couple of weeks earlier (Spice/Spike attends school in Paramus, so I was nearby) but couldn't find the grave. The grass was overgrown, and the gravestones are flush/flat with the ground. Sis said something about no above-ground stones or statuary allowed there.

My good sister took on the task. From her home in Connecticut, she called the office on the grounds, spoke to an efficient woman who pinpointed the location. That's my sister. She goes the distance to help family and friends. 

"Walk past Jones and McCracken, then make a left, pass five graves, and it's in that row," the lady said. (I'm making up the details now.) She gave us a map to the stars' homes, which I still have somewhere. We pulled up the heavy, muddy inverted metal vase attached underground with a chain to the gravestone and stood the vase right side up. 

"I'm glad Daddy got that vase," I said. "I'm glad he paid extra for it. He knew Mommy liked flowers." Sis had gone with him to choose the casket and other dark details at Frech Funeral Home in Dumont. 

That vase is a bonus. Dad must have known he would bring flowers for the woman who passed over the rose-trellised bridge at age 56, his bride, the mother of his four children, the woman he met in a carpool from NYC to their first jobs as chemists (at Lederle, in Pearl River, NY) in the late 1940s. He was a good Italian boy married to an Irish girl. Like most people in long marriages, they had weathered some storms. Tough times with their own teens, problems and worries with their young adults, stresses about my father's work, bosses and salary. (By the time I was a teen, the youngest of four, I did everything I could to get their approval and behave well. Pretty well, I guess. That may have been a gift for them, IDK, but it turned out to be a hard task for me in the long run.)

When I was working at Woman's Day and Good Housekeeping magazines, Dad would call me with updates. Not just "Hey Al? I got the free turkey at ShopRite for Thanksgiving and it's thawing in the garage," but also "I made a little Christmas tree and brought it to the cemetery today." He fashioned it from clippings from our holiday tree or evergreens in our backyard. (And what was I doing? Not going to the cemetery with Dad. Enjoying life as a young woman with her dream job in a dream city. I was there for my Dad, but see I could have been there more.)

After a few minutes by the grave, Sis said to our parents, "I brought your baby girl. Help her." I'm crying even now as I write this. Things were/are rough with Spice/Spike. Family crisis mode. I/we also have concerns about our Figgy. Our parents wanted the best for us, for all four of their children. And Dad of course for Figgy. He adored her. He met Spike as a baby.

"And you're not even going to have a grave," I blurted through tears as Sis and I walked back to her car. "Right," she said. She wants her ashes scattered somewhere.

Alas, in my life, I am working the "three C's" of recovery. I attend 12-step support groups. "I didn't cause it. I can't cure it. I can't control it." That wisdom applies to any troubling/unhealthy behaviors we see in people around us, things we wish we could fix. My former therapist once said that parenting is the most codependent relationship of all--or at least it can be.

Now a happier topic....

Look at our sweet nieces, three Maine flower girls at our big New Jersey wedding. From left, Pat and Donna's daughters, Anna and Mariah, and John and Jerri's daughter, Leah. You can see a hint of my parents' 1970s living room sofa in tones of gold and green.

Handsome Greg and lovely Leah at the Mere Point Yacht Club wedding celebration in July, a summer after they eloped on a sandbar with a minister and Greg's two children.

Well, I'm going to rest now. Good night.

Drinking in Cape Cod Beauty & Joy

We left at 9 a.m. for the Sharks & Seals walk and talk at Coast Guard Beach, led by park ranger Valerie. It was everything we hoped it would be, and free of charge, of course, part of the Cape Cod National Seashore event schedule.

It started raining, we saw seals bobbing in the waves, Valerie passed around a shark's tooth and showed us a seal's skull (its sharp teeth can hurt when it bites). 

We met a lovely couple from England in the group, Patience and Simon, and discussed the merits of good English teatime. (Piping hot boiling water to brew the tea.) They live near the coast, the place you see in "Wicked Little Letters," that great English dark mystery comedy film Figgy and I took in last month at the Clairidge. It stars Olivia Colman, Jessie Buckley, Anjana Vasan and others, a stellar cast.

Greg, Sis, me and Meggy on Coast Guard Beach after the Sharks & Seals walk.

We went out to breakfast and lattes at The Whisk in Orleans, a first for us, and good. Then stopped by Nauset (as opposed to Nauset Light) Beach, to look for more seals but didn't find them in the misty rain. Back home to rest and read, play Wordle. 

For dinner, we drove to Chatham and Sis treated us all to a splurge dinner at The Impudent Oyster, a popular, longstanding restaurant that my brother Will and Kelly love. It's the kind of place with excellent whipped potatoes, good wine, ample helpings of steak au poivre and halibut. I had bouillabaisse (BOO-yə-BESS, -⁠BAYSS), a traditional fish soup, with steamed Wellfleet oysters, mussels, scallops, clams, shrimp and lobster, and a slice of garlic toast on top to dunk in the rich fish broth. The dish came with a lobster bib and metal cracker. I had to open the big claw to coax the meat from the bright orange shell. The bread and butter for the table was not as divine (or warmed?) as I remember from rare visits 20+ years ago, but.....

The restaurant is right near my beloved Lilly Pulitzer store, a shrine to pretty fashion and accessories, where I bought beautiful summer shift dresses for both of our little girls back when. And around the corner from the adorable Candy Manor, a fixture with its signature pink awning and hand-dipped chocolates, but both shops were closed for the night. We stopped by the little white lighthouse, which never closes, its beam spinning in the fog.

Then 30 minutes to drive back home on winding Route 28, past water views, charming houses with white picket fences and hydrangeas, two historic windmills.

It is never boring here. There is always something to see, hear, do, read or eat. Breezes. Birds calling. The Cape Cod Times (now $3 at the Superette in Eastham!). Fudge in square metal pans. Donuts people line up for. Shellfish. Cocktails. Souvenir sweatshirts, some quite soft and pretty. And people who live and work here, workers, teachers, contractors and women who stand behind counters in candy shops and banks. Summer help, college kids serving swirled frozen custard cones, rolling them in chocolate or rainbow sprinkles. The handsome, helpful young man at the bike shop who has been there 10 years.

Well, tomorrow we clean and lock up the house, but before that we rise at 7 a.m. to get ready for the Early Bird Walk at the Wellfleet Bay Wildlife Sanctuary, 8 to 10 a.m. Seems like things are going okay at home, and that is great progress compared to other years. I am much more relaxed being away with Dan at home. Fingers crossed, prayers in my heart.

I would like to write more but I want to rest.

More photos here. Good night.

Chatham Light, overlooking Chatham Bars Beach.

Sis at Nauset Beach.

Caped Wonders

We did a lot today, but this is dinner at Mac's in Wellfleet with Meg and Greg, 6:17 p.m.

I used to pack up my laptop and sit in my car in the dark, alone, in front of Ben & Jerry's or Dunkin' Donuts in North Eastham, near the Post Office, to get an internet signal and write a blog post every night on the Cape. Now I know how to set up a personal hotspot in the low-tech house using my iPhone and my MacBook. I can stay home and write.  

But I'm older now, and a good night's sleep is not just a requirement, but a treasured luxury. So I won't do long blog posts late at night when I should be dozing and dreaming.

We have kept busy, four of us in the house, all adults. It's really fun. For example, today:

• Beach and lighthouse gazing. Up early, drive to Nauset Light Beach on the National Seashore about 8:30 (before it officially opens in the morning, at least now, and a ranger checks you in at the booth, and you pay or show your pass) so that we can bring in Sis's puppy, Galena. In beach season, dogs can only go before or after closing (to lifeguard-protected areas).
• Back for breakfast. Greg made eggs and whole-grain toast, I had high-protein Bob's Red Mill oatmeal with berries. And lots of good hot coffee was poured. Meggy brought some java from Vermont Artisan Coffee & Tea Co. in Waterbury. We sat around the table and talked and laughed, and planned what we really want to do before we head home Friday morning. Our lists included outdoor showers (Sis and me), birdwatching (all of us nature nerds), Nauset Beach to see seals, bike path, etc.
• Showers. I love how quickly you dry off in that fresh air outside.
• North Eastham Post Office. My mother loved it and so do I. I mailed something to my brother Will and will mail a postcard from there, too, probably to Figgy in her apartment. If those P.O. walls could talk...think of the decades and decades, the homemade fudge and Girl Scout Cookies sent to Vietnam, maybe? IDK. To soldiers in World War II? The care packages in padded envelopes that my friend and I mailed to our girls at Frost Valley YMCA camp. When Punchy was a baby, I sent out invitations to Dan's surprise 50th bday party from the North Eastham P.O. 
• Idle Times Bike Shop. We checked the rental prices ($30 from 9 a.m. one day until 5 p.m. the next day). I hope weather and time cooperate tomorrow.
• Wellfleet Bay Wildlife Sanctuary! Ah yes, back to my favorite spot on earth. I think we were padding along the soft sand trails from about 1:45 p.m. to 3:30 p.m. Green Heron, baby Baltimore Orioles in nest, giant green frogs in pond, birdsong, fiddler crabs, and memories of scrubby orange foxes, a muskrat, Snowy Egrets and tiny Fowler's Toads seen with my family when Dan and I and our girls (especially Figgy in tow), were much younger. The breeze, that beautiful breeze. Also, quick sweep of the gift shop to check the edit. No dogs allowed at the Audubon, because they would disturb the delicate sanctuary balance. So Sis didn't join us today but she will tomorrow (sans Galena) at Coast Guard Beach for Seals & Sharks walk and Friday for Early Bird Walk 8 to 10 a.m. at the Sanctuary.
• Mac's on the Pier in Wellfleet. Known for its fried whole belly clams and Wellfleet oysters and scallops, we beelined there because Greg likes to get fried clams once each Cape Cod trip. (So does Dan, generally, but he is home working and supervising Punchy who has school, God bless him.) Meggy had a lobster roll and I had famous Wellfleet oysters, lightly breaded and fried, not heavily battered. Plump, tender and sweet.
• Check in with Figgy and Punch. The former took the latter and her friend out for sushi in Montclair. That was nice. I asked Fig to check in tonight, because Dan was hired to write 60-Sec Novels at a party near Times Square, NYC. It's 11:27 p.m. and I hope he is back home by now.
• Hot Chocolate Sparrow. I planned my one ice cream/main treat of the trip--an ice cream cone dipped in the hot melted chocolate the Sparrow only offers in the summer months. I haven't gotten coffee there yet, but I def plan to by the car ride home, if Sis doesn't mind stopping. Peeked through the glass window to see a young woman tempering chocolate. Enjoyed seeing chocolate seashells, dogs, mice, cats, cell phones, most everything.
• Sunset at Great Pond with Sis and Galena. So beautiful. The sky looks almost bruised with colors but no, not bruised, just streaked with rainbow sherbet strokes over placid water. So pretty.

Thinking of Dad a lot up here, and Figgy, Dan and Punch, and our close friends and their three kids. Memories of coyotes, night fires on the beach, stars, ranger-led walks, my mother and the three weeks we spent here that first summer in 1980. (She died in May 1981.) I see my parents and their hopes and dreams all through the house. Their generosity, their gift. Will and Kelly say they are selling the house pronto. I can't yet fully face that and mourn. The Cape is in me, and I will be back, either off-season in hotels, when rates dip, or Airbnbs, etc. 

Good night. 

Fashion Fun: Meeting Hadley Pollet

Hadley Pollet and me. Note my new large navy makeup bag, 

which I had been eyeing on the website. It matches my denim dress.

In 2007, Dan and I did group training sessions to be foster parents, in our quest to add a second baby permanently to our family (hello, Punch in lavender fleece onesie, though a year later, your living situation would change and be on a long pause for years, years that affected hearts and souls). 

Our classes were taught by a mother-daughter pair, two pretty blondes from a nice pocket of New Jersey.

When I'm a student, I spend a lot of time studying my teacher's outfits. What else is there to look at in a state-mandated class? Back in high school, I studied my English teacher's nude pantyhose and ladylike heels, a male teacher's tweed blazers and gum-soled shoes. My college professors in Women's Studies varied, from scary well-known feminist (scary as in brisk and unfriendly, wearing business attire) to hippie from New York City, with long flowing hair and chunky, arty jewelry. 

The daughter in this mother-daughter pair of foster parenting teachers had a belt I loved. She was slim and wore it with her blue jeans. It had a tortoise tone buckle. I complimented her on it one week and then another. Finally, she said, "It's expensive, but you have to remember it's reversible, so it's like getting two belts for the price." I got a bee in my bonnet. I love feminine, and retro feminine, accessories. The floral patterns were just so pretty. Beautiful art as eye candy. I wanted one. The teacher told me they were made by a young woman named Hadley Pollet, and I started internet sleuthing.

I ordered a belt from the website (my waist was smaller then, but I hope to get back to that beauty, can't now close the size XL); a makeup bag with ribbon trim; a size XL top with rows of pretty ribbon forming fluted cuffs; a ribbon headband; a leopard print clutch; and fell in love in person with a large pink travel tote with brown ribbon trim at Thread, a Montclair boutique. That tote went on every road trip with me and even plane trips, until Sis got me a carry-on with wheels, far more practical at an airport than a heavy shoulder tote. I still love that tote. Then, on sale in 2018 with free shipping, the Pink Flutter Top (XL). Take a look. It's that gorgeous ribbon on the hem that I could not resist. I looked at it, looked away, looked back again.

I wore the Flutter Top with an open pink cardigan sweater over it in 

Palm Beach. (Link to photo here.)

But now that it’s getting hot, I will experiment a little. That ribbon against the black!!!

Thursday night, Sis and I met Hadley Pollet at an evening wine and hors d'oeuvres event in Greenwich, Connecticut, where the designer debuted her home line (pillows, table linens, lovely, especially the former). We enjoyed passed nibbles at The Country Table: Pea soup shooters with chile oil; fried chicken bites with housemade ranch dressing; prosciutto-wrapped asparagus; and stacked, squared "grown-up grilled cheese." Each waitress had a lemon half on the serving tray, for guests to put the toothpicks in after use. 

It was eye-opening, the pops of color, the flowers spilling over, the well-dressed, toned women and men, the lustrous gold leather on some purses, the always alluring belts, especially a pink plaid floral that reminded me of a 1950s picnic dress.

Hadley was warm and friendly and fun. Sis left with a peek-a-boo clutch she purchased and I bought a large navy makeup bag, so crisp and pretty. The company is women-run and supports causes for women and girls.

A note about how it all began, according to the Hadley website:

Hadley’s original signature belt designs sprung from inspiration while at Rhode Island School of Design. Her unique style caught the eyes of many when she wore a belt made of vintage ribbon and a tortoise buckle to a birthday party in Boston where several people asked where she got her belt. And with the blink of an eye, she started her business and never looked back. Since then, her line has expanded into a lifestyle brand for high-spirited, powerful women.

And here's a notice from the NY Times in 2002.

I'm happy Sis and I went! Good night.

The abundant flowers.

A former Hadley employee with a ribbon belt 

tied to the shoulder strap of her dress.

Sis surveying the event. She enjoyed it.

Good night to you.

Cape Cod CliffsNotes

Sis on my bridge behind Coast Guard Beach.

Wellfleet Bay Wildlife Sanctuary--I have been the proud holder of a family membership for years.

The four of us--Sis, Meg, Greg and I--have covered a lot of ground since arriving Monday afternoon. Vermonters Meg and Greg don't know the Cape like we do. It's been fun showing them around, and revisiting these soothing sites ourselves.

• Coast Guard Beach (always and forever, though the entry path is new).
• The bridge over the marsh on the path behind Coast Guard--my favorite spot (scents of honeysuckle and beach roses along the way).
• Marconi Beach (tail end of sunset and then night sky).
• Nauset Light Beach (seals dipping in blue sea).
• Race Point Beach, Provincetown (edge of earth).
• Highland Lighthouse, Truro (Dad and I drove there with young Figgy when the light was carefully moved back to prevent eventual toppling into the sea).
• Provincetown proper (Black Dog shop, T-shirts, French bakery, street artist).
• Stop & Shop (the toaster vanished in our brother Will's last household sweep, so we bought a new one).
• Hot Chocolate Sparrow (just a quick look).
• Uncle Tim's Bridge, Wellfleet.
• Mac's on the Pier, Wellfleet (Greg's fried clam plate looked and smelled so good, but my grilled local sea scallops with rice and steamed vegs was also delicious).
• Cable Road, long walk to Nauset Light and back (stop at The Three Sisters Lighthouses along the way).
• Audubon, Audubon, Audubon, tying for favorite spot with bridge over marsh, above (Wellfleet Bay Wildlife Sanctuary--whale bones, sandy paths, sea lavender, bird blind, fiddler crabs and their sandy hideaways).
• Village Green General Store, Brackett Road, North Eastham (milk, water, Ritz Fresh Stacks, Cabot cheese cuts).
• Shell gas station on Route 6 West.

I know that's a listicle, but...I am very grateful to be away on break, to breathe deep, laugh, get perspective. To distance myself from some drama and fear. To hear and see the ocean waves, to take off my shoes and walk on the uneven sand, uneven as life's path can be...to chat and laugh over breakfast and dinner, catch up, remember. To put on sandals and sunscreen. To realize, with a nod and a prayer, that Sis, my older sister, has some different memories than mine, even of family lighthouse and beach visits, stores and restaurants from girlhood. 

Everywhere we go up here, I remember being there with Dan, Figgy, Skippy, Sis, Don, Sugar, Buttercup, and our dear friends from Montclair. I hear their voices, I see their smiles. I remember our kids as babies, middle schoolers, older teens. I remember Dad and Mom and Aunt Edith, Rite and Bob and former neighbors Dot, Peggy and Joe.

I see graces on this sandy peninsula. Dan is managing home base with Skippy and didn't mind me going away for five days/four nights. 

I'm eager to do a little work now and then crack a book and read. Reading is mandatory to round out a Cape vacation.

Then, Mr. Sandman, bring me a dream.

En Route to NYC to See “The Lion King”

 🦁🦁👑🤴

I’m on the #66 bus to the Port Authority, in slow-poke traffic on Route 3 East, due to an accident. My seat is right behind the bus driver, and I hear him and other drivers radioing back and forth about possible detours to take.

Dan and I saw this smash 🦁 hit on Broadway with mini Figgy (about age 3, so small); our full-time nanny/babysitter, Maria; and her young son, Fabian. It was our treat for the latter two. I felt very indebted to the other mother who was not home after school with her grade-school son, but keeping my little girl safe while I worked in a venerable magazine office in the glittery city. What job could be more important than Maria’s?

But Sis has wanted to see it for decades. She often very generously treats me to tickets and more but this time, Dan and I are covering the two sister tickets for Sis’s April birthday.

I love the music and can’t wait to revisit the show. Lionking.com

Sit Still & Write: Maine Memories

I wrote this after Maine trip (we returned July 31). Clicking “publish" now. A busy summer.

Skipper and me at Sand Beach in Acadia National Park, Saturday, 7.30.22. We zipped in and out for a couple hours. It was a 1.5 hour ride each way and a $30 entrance fee but worth every penny to show her the marvels of Thunder Hole and Sand Beach. Next time, we will explore more. (Figgy had already flown back to Florida after two weeks in Montclair and Maine.)

Mima (nickname), age 61, with Figgy, 26, and Skippy, 15, at the wedding of their cousin Chris to Marie-Camille in Belfast, Maine, Saturday, 7.23.22.

Beautiful ladies in blue. My sister-in-law Martha, Figgy, Skipper and Angel.

With Dan at McLoon’s Lobster Shack in Spruce Head, Maine. Excellent lobster roll with a heap of tender ocean riches, and the setting was a tonic.  

Still sliding today in anxiety and worry....which of course does nothing to move life’s compass in the right direction (toward calm and acceptance)...though Skipper and I are doing a DBT (hands-on therapy skills) program for mothers and daughters...all adolescent teen girls....the girls are in one room with a therapist covering the same material we cover with a therapist in our room. I have heard about DBT’s value for years and grateful we are doing it. It is a course of about six months, in person, two nights a week for 1.5 hours each time.

I think it is helping and will help.

Get Your Mammogram--The Essay about Sis

On our celebratory weekend road trip to Newport, Rhode Island 

in October 2019 with Buttercup, aka Baby Nurse.

Above: Fishing with Sis out of a Connecticut marina near her home--a year and a month after her surgery.

If you follow me on Facebook or Instagram, sorry to overpost this. But if you don’t, I want to share it with you.

https://blog.barenecessities.com/my-sister-myself/

Good night.

New York City Style Holds up in Thursday Downpour

Above: LoveShackFancy store on Madison Avenue--a street that is a living museum of style shops.

Sis is my museum mentor. (Dan is another.) She is a fan of The Frick Collection of art, temporarily relocated to the building that housed the Whitney Museum--at Madison Avenue and 75th Street. 

She got us two tickets to the Frick Madison. Enlightening. History, beauty, masterful skill. Ornate gold frames, blue and white urns, sculptures, marble-topped tables. Paintings of impressive height and width. You would need a mansion with big rooms to display them.

Above: We saw this painting....Rembrandt, Self-Portrait, 1658.

The Montclair-based Decamp bus line to NYC suspended its by-then-phantom buses in August. The #66 careen up and down Valley Road for months, empty--people were working from home, not commuting on buses that were previously packed at rush hour. And in the summer, they took (safe) vacations. The New Jersey Transit train line has been up and running, but since the pandemic hit, I have only gone into NYC by car:

• In the fall, when Dan and I drove in to meet our friends Celia and Greg for Saturday sushi dinner near Stuyvesant Town.
• In December 2020, when I drove Skippy in with two friends one evening to window shop and see holiday decor as only NYC can do it. (Skip’s two young friends are Jewish, and we even saw a donut menorah and, on the Upper East Side, the moving, mobile Mitzvah Tank.)
• In February, when Sis and I went to the Metropolitan Museum of Art and got corned beef sandwiches and best pickles to go at Katz’s Deli.
• Today.

Sis and I sat outside in the street at Serafina--plastic tent, heat lamp above each table, plexiglass barriers, masked wait staff--and talked about our beloved city over ravioli with porcini mushroom sauce (me) and salad with steak (she). We talked and ate as the rain poured outside.

Our city isn’t the same, and that’s no surprise. We miss the passion, the pulse, the crowds, the hustle and bustle. I miss seeing people of all ages chasing the best of the best--writers, models, actors, hotdog vendors, artists, comedians, dancers, singers, editors, reporters, ballerinas, chefs, makeup artists, doctors, scientists, bookstore owners, tailors, designers, salespeople, baristas, fashionistas, coffee roasters, sandwich makers, cookie bakers--with a fire in their bellies and their hearts. 

I hope our beloved city comes back full swing.

Fun sightings today:

1. LOVESHACKFANCY store on Madison Avenue. I’ve seen the brand in collaborations on Aerin.com but was exited to see the shop. Wow. We walked in and a young man was styling the final details for a bridal shower in the store this evening. The tables looked so beautiful--with LoveShack pink floral linen tablecloths, pink china, exquisite flower bouquets and pink iced cookies. Glass jars filled with pretty pink candies and pink-foil-wrapped Hershey's Kisses. The other store locations are in Newport Beach, CA; Palm Beach, FL; Sag Harbor, NY, etc. So glad I went in here, and got less frivolous Sis to enter, too! The hand towels and the candle in a teacup--so lovely.
2. MEPHISTO. Stylish, comfortable shoes--flat or not, sneakers, Mary Jane styles, sandals--made in France. So pretty. Cork inside. Going back! Really nice. I'm behind the curve, not walking on Madison Avenue to window-shop and wish, as I used to. I am behind on knowing my fashion labels.
3. JOE COFFEE. Served in the Frick Madison cafe. But my parking meter was going to run out and I didn’t want to risk a ticket (I paid $10.75 twice, for two maximum two-hour blocks of time). It smelled very good; the large lattes/capps in cups and saucers looked great. I like the blue packaging/logo.
   
   
   
4. DIPTYQUE (pronounced DIP-TEEK). Luxury French fragrance and sensibility via Madison Avenue outposts, and several other NYC locations. Sis had been eyeing a scent for her bday--I paid for about a third of it. They gift-wrap beautifully. And we attended a virtual Sniffapalooza Diptyque event from our homes that entitled us to a solid perfume in pretty case with any purchase.

Eyes closing. I drove us back to Sis’s in Connecticut and I’m sleeping over tonight. Good night.

Drifted to Sleep, Forgot to Blog Last Night

Things I've loved about being here at Sis's in Stamford, CT:

• Buttercup at my side physically. Sis at my side figuratively. Both auburn-haired, kind and supportive.
• I was able to do the Zoom family meeting call [with experts, for better Punchy plan] from Sis's dining room table. In some cases, the pandemic works for us--in this case, Punch was  2 1/2 hours south in Jersey, at Mimi's; Dan was in Montclair; I was here; and three team members were in different places. I was happy to see my Dan and Punchy on screen. She was at the office with Mimi. Her screen went off briefly and when she came back on, she was wearing a paper mask. She makes me laugh.
• Our walk to the beach [Long Island Sound] yesterday.
• Rest.
• Watching "Father Brown" episode on PBS, about crime-solving Catholic priest. I had never seen it before.

I am going home today. Punch is coming home Tuesday. I do feel bad for Sis. She is an avid traveler, and Covid has cramped her style. She had hoped to travel to Portugal and Costa Rica this year, plus San Diego and other places....instead she has armchair travel with a visitor like me.

I hope to declutter and organize back home.

Enjoy your day.

Tuesday $ MONEY SPENT OUT OF POCKET

ZERO.

Monday in Greenwich

It was a hot and sunny 90 degrees by 10:30 this morning. Sis had a doctor's appt in Greenwich, and I roamed a little on the Avenue. But then I got two calls regarding Punchy and her program, so I had to address those until my phone died. Before that, I noticed beautiful stone flower urns at a restaurant with outdoor seating and passed Saint Mary Church, with a white Virgin Mary statue outside. Would like to go to Mass there one day.

I went in to Lilly Pulitzer--fresh and uplifting, as usual. Nice necklace, wrap dress, swimsuit. Also popped into: Vineyard Vines; a granola and smoothie shop; and Aux Délices, with its cabana-yellow and white striped bags [including the one around the loaf of French bread I bought] and high-end takeout foods.

TCOY

1. Ate healthy foods--organic strawberries; fresh kale and Swiss chard Sis grew in pots on her terrace; tomato; capers; olives; artichokes.
2. We walked Buttercup by the marina.
3. Took a nap when it rained this afternoon.

$ MONEY SPENT OUT OF POCKET

• Aux Délices, fresh loaf of French bread and an iced coffee. The former was great but I'm picky about coffee and did not love the latter. $8.74.
• Vineyard Vines, turquoise sea turtles iPhone case [Punch broke my case], marked down from $45 to under $8, and really nice pair of socks for Dan, total $21.03. 

Total spent out of pocket: $29.77.

Ongoing monthly spend as of July 6: $608.76.

Avg daily spend: $101.46.

Sisters

Having just spent 5 days with my Sis [Monday to Friday], I wanted to jot down some thoughts. We had really missed each other during the pandemic. When I make her take me to upscale Greenwich Avenue to browse or shop sales, our differences rise to the surface.

Sis & Me 
Peace Corps & track team [both, late 1970s]
refined/reserved & extroverted
Lands' End & Lilly Pulitzer
auburn hair & dirty blonde
museums & coffee bars/gift shops
hot tea & iced coffee
NY Times daily & articles, especially Sunday Styles, but not whole paper
organic chemistry class & women's studies
research scientist & lifestyle writer
mysteries & cookbooks
neatnik & striving to declutter
comfortable shoes & silver Tory Burch sandals
fair Irish skin & Italian skin that tans
ShopRite & Whole Foods
plane trips & road trips
saving money & spending it
pears & plums
irises & roses
Greece & Nantucket
long-time NYC apartment dweller & lifelong NJ resident
famously "not into driving" & driving everywhere
mastered sailing & likes bicycling
short, chic hair & hair pinned up at top in bobby pin
Home Goods & Bergdorf Goodman
camel & hot pink

We Both Love 

• The ocean.
• New York City.
• Walks.
• Talking about our family members who have gone before us, including Don, Dad, all four grandparents, three uncles, two aunts, our cousin Dut.
• Dogs, especially our own small Sugar and Buttercup.
• Our Italian cousin Linda.
• Good restaurants and good meals.
• Baking.
• Ruth Reichl's books.
• Garbarini-isms--the inside language learned from our Italian family, especially Dad and Uncle Anthony. But also phrases from our Irish grandma and grandfather.
• Our gold charm bracelets [now vintage--hers started in 1966, mine in 1991].
• Signature scents.
• Being observant people watchers.
• "I Love Lucy" and "Columbo."
• Gardening.
• Good friends, especially lifelong ones.
• Making each other laugh.

Good night.

Good Night, That Girl

Image from amazon.com.

TCOY

1. Watched "That Girl" on Antenna TV.  [The series originally aired 1966 to 1971, when I was 5 to 10 years old.] Sis has that channel, but I don't think we do at home. Omigosh, Marlo Thomas and her beauty and style. Loved it. The apartment, the grocery store, her boyfriend, her kind heart, pleated skirts, satin blouses, tights, flipped hair, dark lashes, chain belts, patterned coats, pretty handbags.
2. Walked with Sis, her friend and Buttercup by the marina and over on the avenue.
3. Good dental care.
4. Sent another article pitch.
5. Vegs, fruits, lean proteins and whole grains.
6. Important talking and thinking. Plan of action for Punch and life--I hope.
7. Sis made me a daily life schedule for when I get home--because I asked her to. She is so organized. It's penned on an index card and includes windows of time to walk Sugar, exercise, etc. etc.

$ MONEY SPENT OUT OF POCKET

total daily spend: zero.

ongoing monthly spend as of June 4: $484.31.

avg daily spend: $121.08.

Keep an eye on/compare to previous months:

April 2020: Total monthly spend: $2,143.19.
Avg daily spend: $71.44.

March 2020--the effect of coronavirus quarantine and not working in NYC for now

Total monthly spend as of March 31: $1,916.15.

Avg daily spend: $61.81.

February 2020

Total monthly spend as of Feb. 29: $2,480.34.
Avg daily spend: $85.53.

TOTAL SPEND FOR MAY 2019: $2,348.24.

MAY AVERAGE DAILY SPEND: $75.75. 

TOTAL SPEND FOR APRIL 2019: $3,634.28.

APRIL AVERAGE DAILY SPEND: $121.14.

Another Good Day in Connecticut

I spoke to Punchy on the phone from South Jersey. She sounded good. And we saw a photo of her, cute French braids.

I wrote and submitted an article pitch. I had a call with therapist re P and spent an hour+--in a floral cotton mask made by my sister-in-law Martha in Maine--trolling the aisles solo at Fairway in Stamford. Sis and I walked Butter by the marina.

I was determined to stock up on healthy foods for a good head start when I return home on Friday. [Punchy comes back Sunday or Monday.]

I spent a lot of time and a lot of money building my healthful arsenal. My Sis has lots of healthful foods on hand, so that influenced me. My cart included:

• A pound of deli turkey.
• Two containers of lox ends.
• Big bag mozzarella [string cheese] portions.
• 3 oz. bar 88 percent very dark chocolate.
• Jar crunchy PB.
• Van's waffles.
• Canola oil spray to roast vegs.
• 2 packs fresh mushrooms.
• Jar roasted red peppers.
• Bag baby carrots.
• Romaine leaves for sandwiches.
• Big tomato.
• Fresh apricots!
• White nectarines.
• Bananas.
• Blackberries.
• Mangoes.
• 5 Hass avocados.
• Hazelnut coffee beans, 1 lb. plus.
• 1 fancy 4-ounce cheese to share as a dessert with Sis.
• Fancy flatbreads.
• Bread Alone sliced loaf.
• Ezekiel sesame seed buns.
• Low-sodium soy sauce.
• Horseradish dressing.
• Cottage cheese.
• Old-fashioned oats.
• 2 boxes lemon-spinach couscous.
• Chicken sausages.
• Quart plain kefir.
• 2 boxes Parmalat milk.
• 1 box unsweetened chocolate almond milk.
• Indulgence: Very fancy half-pound butter from Italy. I expect to taste the grass the cows ate and be transported to their farm.
• Small naan "dippers."
• Large container pitted dates.
• Broccoli slaw.
• Jar of garlic.
• Large baba ganoush.
• Dog food for Sug.
• Heart-shaped dog treats for Buttercup.
• Tofu for Fig.
• Sardines for Sis [inside sister joke].
• Citronella tea lights on final sale, for Sis and me.
• Murphy's Oil orange cleaning spray.

I am all stocked up and intend to destress our life pattern and my self-care when I return home, before Punch is back. I also got Sis what she had on her list, and am sharing some of my larder with her.

$ MONEY SPENT OUT OF POCKET

• Fairway. Cashier gave me 6 percent senior discount w/o asking--saved $13.79. I did have on bright yellow top, skirt, silver sandals, good earrings, lengthening mascara, youthful lip gloss, and the last dab of that age-defying beauty cream sample. I don't think I looked like a senior. But I'm not complaining. $217.13.
• Gift with shipping, $53.
• Treated Sis to our Chinese food takeout, $39.74.

total daily spend: $309.87.

ongoing monthly spend as of June 3: $484.31.

avg daily spend: $161.44.

Keep an eye on/compare to previous months:

April 2020: Total monthly spend: $2,143.19.
Avg daily spend: $71.44.

March 2020--the effect of coronavirus quarantine and not working in NYC for now

Total monthly spend as of March 31: $1,916.15.

Avg daily spend: $61.81.

February 2020

Total monthly spend as of Feb. 29: $2,480.34.
Avg daily spend: $85.53.

TOTAL SPEND FOR MAY 2019: $2,348.24.

MAY AVERAGE DAILY SPEND: $75.75. 

TOTAL SPEND FOR APRIL 2019: $3,634.28.

APRIL AVERAGE DAILY SPEND: $121.14.