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| My article about outlet shopping is on page 105 of the June 2011 issue. It was fun to report. |
I'm probably getting like Dad, who always liked to talk about his career, working with a team of brilliant people, developing antibiotics and more. But I can't help myself! Forgive me.
Some days, I wistfully regret quitting. Buying and wearing work clothes, being part of a smart team, being ahead of the curve.
I chose to be with our Figgy more--she was three, almost four. As much as I loved the work, I was getting more and more responsibility, but not the money to match. The benefits were good, but we were paying our sitter $350+ weekly, and Figgy was getting older. Her toilet training had not gone smoothly. And I wanted to be there, now that there were lessons to be learned about morals, honesty, friends, etc. For me, it was harder to not be there when she was talking and learning and dealing with challenges than it had been earlier, in the diaper years.
And, I naively thought I could freelance and also plunge right into fiction, short stories. Hah. That ship still hasn't sailed.
These days, I think many things about working full-time @ GH. I think that if I hadn't quit, I would be:
- Slimmer [I work right next to my kitchen now].
- Richer [all of those benefits add up, 401K, etc.]
- Provided for. Now Hearst has a gym onsite, and an awesome cafeteria.
- Better dressed.
- Happier.
- The mother of a happier daughter. That's the scariest part, the knife in my heart. Sometimes I wonder if my Figgy would have been better off had I kept working. After all, no one likes financial stress. Could it be an evil twist of fate that my being home actually was not a good idea for my sweet girl?
Well, you can't change the past. All we have is now. This moment. And I am doing my very best. I don't know everything, and neither does my Figgy, but one thing I know we both know is that my love for her runs deep, and always has.
TCOY
- Boot camp in the dome.
- Chicken burger for lunch.
- Long restorative nap.
- Refreshing shower.
- Walked Sug around block 1 1/4 times.
- Going to coffeehouse in Montclair with girlfriends tonight for our first meeting regarding the Battle Against Hunger bike ride in September, to raise money for Toni's Kitchen. Should be good.
Posts
Ah, Alice, the road less travelled by, a tempting, but fruitless game. Better to think about what you can change now in your life to make it better (which it sounds like you are deeply engrossed in doing). If you had stayed at GH/mag world, there would be a different list of things you regretted, different, but no shorter.
ReplyDeleteThinking of you all, often.
That is such a hard decision; millions go through it. Working outside the home or staying home with children? All we can do is what we think is the best for our families at the time. I remember being somewhat relieved, yet a bit resentful, at the time that I had to choose. That particular decision was clearly (to me) taken out of my hands when Joey was diagnosed with autism. I knew that there was no one else in the world that I would entrust his upbringing to. Looking back, I know that it would have been the right choice for me even if he had not been diagnosed and things had been “normal.” And, I have a very similar list for “what if” I did not stray from the traditional work outside the home career path. (Kim has an excellent point – the regret list would just be different). But, Alice, I truly believe that you did much more good than harm by your decision to be with your daughter. Our children are first in our hearts and that makes a difference. They can tell. Love, Linda P.S. Plan to read your article next.
ReplyDeleteI wish I could say something as comforting as your wise friends. There's no one way to do this work/family thing. I hope you have a collection of great times with your Fig that will let you know that you are a wonderful mother, and you would have been even if you'd stayed at GH, and you will be forever.
ReplyDeleteDear Kim, Lin and Eileen: I really thank you for your notes. They mean a lot to me. Your supportive words feel good. I know all three of you are wonderful moms.....I value your wisdom. love, alice xoxo
ReplyDeleteP.S. Kim, you are so right. I know myself, and had I stayed on full-time, I surely would have a list of regrets for that, too.