Oh crap.
But when you lose, don't lose the lesson, right?
Here it is Ash Wednesday and I haven't even gotten my ashes yet. And now I've missed the times in my parish where you can just go get the ashes and the blessing--what's left is the 7:30 P.M. full Mass. So I'm going. Can't keep neglecting myself spiritually.
But the loss was: H. and I had a difficult time with something, grappling with some tough things. Then he ran home, as planned [he had worn his jogging clothes, the thick navy blue sweatpants that look so big, even though he isn't, which I was lovingly teasing him about this morning]. I drove home, with a stop at Watchung Deli to get sandwiches for dinner.
I hadn't eaten since about 1 P.M.--a light lunch--so I had a 220-calorie bag of sour cream and onion potato chips while the nice young lady made our hot sandwiches. Then I picked up and put down the box of Tastycake Powdered Sugar Mini Donuts. Picked up, put down. Picked up, put down. Yes, I'm crazy. Or an addict.
Decided yes. Then, guess what? You know the rest. I sat in the car and ate all but four of them. Those dumb little pillows of air and chemicals that aren't real at all. Not a real food, not a real deep breath, not a real way to fix, cure or soften anything. Not a real, honest-to-goodness donut, that's for sure. There are razor-sharp turns to life sometimes, and no amount of dumb little donuts can cushion them.
Okay, you're human, I said to myself as I drove home on Park Street. You screwed up. It's okay. Forgive yourself. It could have been worse. You could have eaten a whole pizza and a hot fudge sundae.
Do you have battles like this? How do you not have defeats like this? I'd love to know.
What makes me feel even worse is that it's Ash Wednesday, kickoff to Lent. I know people who give up all bread, all ice cream, all candy for all of Lent. Not only did I get a Reuben [meat], here I was downing the donuts.
TCOY
But when you lose, don't lose the lesson, right?
Here it is Ash Wednesday and I haven't even gotten my ashes yet. And now I've missed the times in my parish where you can just go get the ashes and the blessing--what's left is the 7:30 P.M. full Mass. So I'm going. Can't keep neglecting myself spiritually.
But the loss was: H. and I had a difficult time with something, grappling with some tough things. Then he ran home, as planned [he had worn his jogging clothes, the thick navy blue sweatpants that look so big, even though he isn't, which I was lovingly teasing him about this morning]. I drove home, with a stop at Watchung Deli to get sandwiches for dinner.
I hadn't eaten since about 1 P.M.--a light lunch--so I had a 220-calorie bag of sour cream and onion potato chips while the nice young lady made our hot sandwiches. Then I picked up and put down the box of Tastycake Powdered Sugar Mini Donuts. Picked up, put down. Picked up, put down. Yes, I'm crazy. Or an addict.
Decided yes. Then, guess what? You know the rest. I sat in the car and ate all but four of them. Those dumb little pillows of air and chemicals that aren't real at all. Not a real food, not a real deep breath, not a real way to fix, cure or soften anything. Not a real, honest-to-goodness donut, that's for sure. There are razor-sharp turns to life sometimes, and no amount of dumb little donuts can cushion them.
Okay, you're human, I said to myself as I drove home on Park Street. You screwed up. It's okay. Forgive yourself. It could have been worse. You could have eaten a whole pizza and a hot fudge sundae.
Do you have battles like this? How do you not have defeats like this? I'd love to know.
What makes me feel even worse is that it's Ash Wednesday, kickoff to Lent. I know people who give up all bread, all ice cream, all candy for all of Lent. Not only did I get a Reuben [meat], here I was downing the donuts.
TCOY
- Boot camp in the park, beautiful day. Ran around track three times.
- Ummm.....how can I couch this? Failed miserably, but looking at it as a chance to learn and improve? To see the forest for the trees?
Posts
Oh yes, I'm there. I have been known to go to the all night supermarket and get a pack of mini apple turnovers with full knowledge the whole pack would be gone in minutes. But it doesn't fill up the empty places. Maybe two boxes would?
ReplyDeleteNan, so, so right, it doesn't fill up the empty places....so wise, so true. I hope all is well. about to check in on your blog now. love alice
ReplyDeleteHi Al. Best just to move on. Of course, I've done things like that, too. And I feel just terrible about mysef, my judgement and lack of control afterwards. Didn’t I just blitz through recent Valentine’s Day candy? Ugh!
ReplyDeleteI am going to try to give up chocolate for Lent. I have not seriously given up anything for Lent in years but I am going to really try this time.
Are we still on for the 10th?
Linda
Hi Lin from airport in cleveland on way to press tour of Door County, Wisconsin. Thanks for your supportive note. Yeah, giving stuff up for lent is hard. I haven't done it for years...good for you...You lived in Cleveland, right? Thinking of you here. Yes, we are on for March 10. I can't wait. Sis and I want to know that whatever you and Judi want to do, we'll do....so bring it on. I would even drive you to the Bronx if you want. love, al
ReplyDelete