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Monday, April 9, 2018

Day 1 After Sunday Breakdown, Feeling Jittery but Working

When I read Susan Cheever's memoir Note Found in a Bottle: My Life as a Drinker years back, I wished for reports from the gutter, the hard times, the lows. The moments when she struggled mightily, when she wallowed in the pain.

Maybe I just missed them.

Our home internet still off, so I dashed to Marcel on Valley and have a small cup of local wild mushroom and barley soup at my side at this community table. Plus: the free water, bread and butter on the side.

Must work and then meet Punchy's bus at 4 p.m.

I want to remember this feeling.....the aftermath of guilt and shame...the worries about damage I have done...hopes I have dashed, hurts I have inflicted. I don't want to revisit that painful, powerless anger.

My goal and my want is to model good behavior, to be a good person.

Signing off at 3:06 p.m.

Thanks for listening.

PLEASE NOTE: I decided to call my dark, vicious mood Sunday BREAKDOWN--though it wasn't officially a breakdown, I was definitely at a breaking point--so that I could use it as a starting point to study recovery from it.


  1. Very brave how you face what you do when angry instead of blaming what got you angry.

  2. Liz, thank you...I don't know if it is brave but my present [and long-time] therapist often says, "Resentment is the poison we swallow thinking it will kill someone else." I have reasons to be angry...but when I consume [too much?] sugar, I do not deal with or confront those reasons in healthy ways. Hope you have a great day. Love and thanks, Alice