Another lost day, until 6:30 p.m., when I took a hot bath with Tory Burch bath bubbles. [Cathy and her daughter, Elizabeth, gave me the pink tube a while back.]
Anger, darkness, depression.
Soon closing the curtains on this dark day. Maybe it was not such a good idea to skip Mass and sink into reading the Styles section. Not a drop of exercise, either.
It occurs to me that giving up sugar [none of that Cake Boss cake today, even though those around me were indulging] makes me mean. I have never been addicted to other substances, so I don't know if it is the same when someone stops with alcohol or drugs. But come to think of it, I have witnessed some withdrawal symptoms as ugly and vicious. I did not know at the time what I was witnessing.
Welcome to my world. And the thing is, I don't plan to never have sweets. That is what separates me from the drinker who gets sober and the drug addict who gets clean. But I want to limit them dramatically compared to my past high consumption.
I wish I could say I pray to be better, but I am too angry to pray.
Anger, darkness, depression.
Soon closing the curtains on this dark day. Maybe it was not such a good idea to skip Mass and sink into reading the Styles section. Not a drop of exercise, either.
It occurs to me that giving up sugar [none of that Cake Boss cake today, even though those around me were indulging] makes me mean. I have never been addicted to other substances, so I don't know if it is the same when someone stops with alcohol or drugs. But come to think of it, I have witnessed some withdrawal symptoms as ugly and vicious. I did not know at the time what I was witnessing.
Welcome to my world. And the thing is, I don't plan to never have sweets. That is what separates me from the drinker who gets sober and the drug addict who gets clean. But I want to limit them dramatically compared to my past high consumption.
I wish I could say I pray to be better, but I am too angry to pray.
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I am very familiar with anger. It’s the acid that eats the vessel. Do what you have to to get rid of it, your brain won’t work right and nothing will get better while you are pissed off. I am not denying that you have a right to be angry -far from it, I have no idea - but addressing the causes of anger is a separate task. This comment is the result of years of therapy! Good luck, Alice, I am rooting for you.
ReplyDeleteLiz
Thank you for your wisdom and insights, Liz. I appreciate them. Love Alice
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