Hard Truths--and Soft Landings

Beware, this might be a bit depressing. Sorry about that. Life is hard sometimes. You might want to go grab a glass of Pinot Noir or a cup of hot cocoa to brace yourself. Feel free to talk me out of these views.

1. Falling in love is easy. Staying in love takes work.

2. It's called falling in love for a reason. Falling is generally not a good thing. It means you've lost your balance, let go of the handrail, slipped on the ice, fell down the stairs, tripped.

3. When you fall in love with someone, you will not be able to see farther than his hands holding yours at the table in the Italian restaurant on Ninth Avenue, where he looks so cute in his green Gap shirt and blue jeans and you are so, so happy that he feels the same way about you as you do about him. You love the way your hands feel cupped in his. You will not be able to see the devastating childhood moments, the fractures that won't be exposed until later, the things that can break a person, the holes you will not be able to fix or fill--even though he will try, in his own way, to tell you. You will not be able to see unless you get the stars out of your eyes and are really perceptive, or maybe a psychologist.

4. We all have baggage. And our partners have to watch us unpack it, all at once or in little steps.

5. Sometimes, kids hate their parents, even when the kids are adults. It seems rare, but is painful to behold.

6. Money matters. It would be nice if we were all running naked in the Garden of Eden, all equal, no one person in tattered clothes and another in a designer suit. But that's not life. Money exists, and it divides us.

7. People grow old and die, and you have to wonder where they go when that happens.

8. Babies are born to all kinds of parents, many of whom are not well-equipped to take care of them.

9. Being a grown-up is harder than being a kid, even though being a kid isn't always easy.

10. Your heart gets broken more than once in life, and it doesn't always have to do with romance, but sometimes with losing a child, a parent, or another being you truly love. And though the term is broken, it feels more leaden. Like the thing beating in your body, keeping you alive, is too heavy to cart around, and maybe you just can't do it anymore. But then you do.

Soft Landings
1. Kids start out loving their parents unconditionally.

2. Chocolate is a blessing.

3. A good wine--cold and crisp or deep and mellow--sipped with a good meal can transport you to a sun-dappled vineyard in another place, like a passport in a bottle.

4. Fashion is your friend, jewelry is a joy, and getting your hair professionally blown out can take 10 years off your look.

5. When you truly know someone, you don't have to look hard to find the little things that stand for the big things about who that person is. Like how they check a pan of seeds twice a day to see if they've sprouted, or report on a sunflower that's finally bloomed, or rock back and forth on their heels, in their clean white sneakers, when they're listening to a favorite friend talk.

6. Color lifts the spirit. Seek out a snapdragon, a dandelion, the sunset.

7. Witnessing first love, young love, is a beautiful thing. Having the privilege and honor to be close enough to bear witness to it is a precious gift.

8. Praying, and gardening, help the soul. Both involve planting seeds of hope and coaxing them along with good thoughts and a will for things to grow the way you want them to.

9. Dogs love you fiercely and truly. If you are gone for two minutes to get a quart of milk, and leave your dog tied to the post outside the store, she will act upon your return as though you have been to Switzerland and back to milk a cow yourself.

10. The French have a way of making everything sound prettier, softer and smoother, like a velvety butter sauce: mademoiselle, a la mode, beurre blanc, coq au vin, souvenir, bijoux.

11. People can change, when and if they are willing to work really, really hard. But you can only change one person: the one you see in the mirror when you brush your teeth.