Kiss the Sweets Goodbye and Point Me Toward Tomorrow*

Note the side part with prized Goody barrette in my

fourth (third?) grade Saint Mary's School photo, circa 1971. 

Coaxed by my mother, I set my hair on pink sponge rollers the night before. 

The light blue, sparkly barrette matched the shiny silk dress 

(now faded in the photo), 

a hand-me-down from relatives in Connecticut.

Okay, enough. I've spent my life spinning fairy tales about sugar, and believing them. Sweets were special. They were magic. Enchanting. Not just euphoric, they added notes of beauty and style to a plain life, like that sparkly blue Goody barrette. It was from the grocery store, but it was a big deal to me. (As a mother, I took great pleasure on lunch breaks from Hearst browsing hair accessories for me or Figgy on Bergdorf Goodman's Beauty Level--I got her a slender black satin hairband with rhinestone bow. I would have done the same for Punch, but she is not a hair accessory type of girl.)

Spun-sugar stars in my youth included the Entenmann's chocolate chip loaf cake my New York City-born grandmother, Alice, got us at the Grand Union supermarket in Dumont. A gift. A Sunday, church-day treat. And the  soft Torrone nougat candies in little boxes that our Italian immigrant grandmother, Rose, sometimes brought us from the Bronx.

The treats were part of a better life, a privileged life. They were that one Christmas Eve with a glass plate of homemade cookies at Aunt Gloria's and Uncle Jim's down the block in Dumont, where my three pretty cousins (Annie, Cathy and Maria) lived. The magic of my Sweet Sixteen, a pink box-mix cake and pink icing made by my mother and shared with my friends at our dining room table with Quaker lace tablecloth. They were Stanley's Bake Shop in Bergenfield, a special 50th anniversary sheet cake with rich yellow buttercream roses and swags of frosting.  

I could go on and on and on. My fairy-tale cake walk. But that might fill a book.  

I.am.here.now. It is Sunday, October 26, 2025 at 3:24 p.m. and last night, at another lovely party held by our friends in Montclair, I consumed one sweet treat after another. Like Halloween tricks, they rose up and then vanished from my hands.

The clock ticked and I grew tired, having had a sad Friday night and a packed Saturday that began at 7:30 a.m. with cleaning (book group was coming), table setting, grocery shopping, coffee hour hosting, a meeting, flower getting, beauty salon, book group, phone interview for writing assignment, dishes and ending with the Halloween party. When I'm tired, I do reach for food to stay awake.

I think I have figured it out, at least for the moment. I love the hosts of these generous, spirited parties (themes include Super Bowl, summer garden, table games), the friends who attend, the chance to be out with Dan and sometimes even Punchy there. But so many love to bake (I do, too) and great bakeries abound. So first there is excellent food, often catered (last night, mac and cheese and pulled pork; excellent charcuterie boards; farmer's market focaccia). Even a bar, sometimes with bartender. And live jazz music!!!!

Last night I had:

• A Magnolia Bakery chocolate Halloween cupcake, dense and moist, thick yellow frosting cap.
• A serving from a dream-girl size glass bowl of peanut butter cream/Reese's/cake trifle.
• A big, soft ginger cookie.
• An Italian bakery double-decker cookie with jam sandwiched in between, chocolate dip, rainbow sprinkles (you know the ones).
• A small wedge of hostess J's homemade, tender olive oil citrus cake.
• And at the book group lunch here, since it was our Jeannie's bday, two slices of the flourless chocolate cake Karen made, with freshly whipped cream.

Hello? Yes, it's me. 

Am I out to kill myself? I am a sugar addict, and I can't seem to eat sweets in moderation. Yet the zero-tolerance approach may be too punitive? On New Year's Eve 2025, I planned not to eat the party desserts, told my hostess and looked away but by the time the ball dropped, a piece of the Smitten Kitchen chocolate cake found its way onto a plate in my hands.

I think that going forward, I will have to leave before the desserts come out. Physically remove myself, drive back home across town. Either that or get a big cup of coffee with cream and go in the pretty backyard? For many years, I filled my best crystal bowl with fresh red berries and brought a bowl of unsweetened whipped cream to these parties and to book group. (TBT, everyone loved that dessert.) But then I stopped.

What do you think?

Not surprisingly, I was exhausted and sluggish today, sugar hangover.

Now it's 9:17 p.m. Since 3:24, I took a walk with Dan (nice leaves), cut down the dead cone flowers, made sure Punch's friends headed back to their apartment in the Bronx, did a work email, ate dinner, loaded the dishes, played and failed at Wordle, started Spelling Bee.

My plan as of now is to again sidestep sweets, one day at a time. Look at the roads I have taken when allowing them in.

Scenes from the Goody barrette legacy:

Our daughter Figgy in 9th grade at Montclair High. Bergdorf hair accessory.

Figgy's senior portrait. I also got that pretty "White Christmas" style hairband at BG.

I forgot! I put my pearl bracelet around our Punchy's bun for her First Holy Communion. Her friend Nikki did the bun.

*Adapted from "What I Did for Love," a song from the musical A Chorus Line with music by Marvin Hamlisch and lyrics by Edward Kleban.

Graces

I still believe in the power of a "Hail Mary" prayer, though did not say one today. 

It begins with "Hail Mary, full of grace." Do you pray? Image from here.

Grateful after school on this overcast March Thursday that:

• I talked calmly and openly to two teenagers, almost 17 and already 18, in my living room. (And BTW, I'm changing Punchy's boyfriend's blog name from GREAT SMILE DEEP THINKER, which is too long, to YOUNG ROMEO, shorter and more fitting.)
• I conveyed my observations and concerns about something involving Punchy that is possibly red-flag dangerous, but that both would be privy to, without my lip quivering, tears brimming in the back of my eyes or my voice wavering. In the past, I was less confident, would quake and shake when I addressed important issues of my heart and mind. My eyes still sprout tears when I make a toast to someone I love, because they mean so much to me, watch a graduation march or a funeral procession or walk back from Communion at a funeral Mass and pass the family in the front row of the church. When I asked for a raise at a magazine once, I fumbled, my heart raced, I said a prayer to my dead but dear grandmother Rosie--something along the lines of I want to make you proud, look at my job, and you came on a boat from Italy with little education--and knocked over the wastebasket on my way into my editor's paneled office.
• My heart didn't jump erratically due to sugar substances consumed in a frenzy of fear and anxiety. Of powerlessness. I didn't raise my voice, accuse or curse. For today, I did not need cookies, a brownie, donut, cake, candy, frosting or other sweets, the softer, the better--or salty, greasy Fritos--to fortify and arm myself against discomfort and worry. Or to soothe myself after the confrontation, which was much more this time like a rational discussion. A chance for all three of us to be seen and heard. To not hide. Although, I must say, teens can persist in their hiding. I am grateful for the exchange.
• I did not delay or procrastinate. I was proactive.
• I heard an observation from Figgy, her calm perspective when she returned from work on the campus. (The front door of our Dutch Colonial opens right into the living room.)
• I had prepared (pre being the key part) oatmeal and turkey chili and was able to grab a healthy, filling breakfast and lunch.
• I have a nice tall glass of ice water and am about to walk around the block. Two virtual appointments with Punch support team members today, plus this living room talk, required time, effort and energy. Water and walk should help replenish.

Have a good evening.

9:41 p.m. update: I once again did not walk, around the block or anywhere else. Tomorrow, tomorrow. But Dan and I went out for sushi, which was nice, and now we are watching The State of the Union on CNN.

Crazyland: My New Story on Medium

Here is the link:

https://alicegarbarinihurley.medium.com/a-food-addicts-waking-words-before-stashing-cookie-dough-under-the-bbq-lid-e263142ee066

Sweet dreams,

New Medium Story: Goodbye, Marshmallow Fluff

 

I took a break from sugar addiction writing but this happened today. Here is LINK. Good night.

New Medium Story: Going Wild

Above: Wildflower Bouquet, alcohol ink art by my gifted cousin, Linda Silver.

I am doing my best, day by day. Being present.

https://alicegarbarinihurley.medium.com/recovery-story-37-wildflower-bouquet-feeling-bad-can-lead-to-wild-eating-51993a3cd119

Good night.

Signing Off for the Night

The next flower-titled story is #29, Hydrangea.

This morning, I started writing #29, Hydrangea, in my Medium flower-titled story series about sugar/overeating addiction recovery.

But as happens some days, I thought I HAD BETTER get dressed and get ready for the day rather than sink into the writing, which will often take several hours. I thought I’D BETTER get out of my sleepwear, shampoo my. hair, put on a skirt and top. GET UP from my perch on the green living room couch.

Then, as also happens, I didn’t. I DIDN’T get dressed and ready until 6:30 p.m. And I DIDN’T do the writing, either.

I like to stop on the sugar/overeating journey IN THE MOMENT to capture the feelings and the progress in real time. But I cannot always do that.

My mind sashays back and forth: You HAVE TO get dressed first. You SHOULD get dressed first. 

Then, you have other writing assignments to do. You SHOULDN’T take that long luxury of time to do the story series.

I feel good writing the stories in the series.

 I have to find the right balance.

So here I am at 9:25 p.m. At least my hair is freshly shampooed.

TCOY

1. Healthy eating included: Ezekiel English muffin, Fage 0 percent Greek yogurt (sooo good), raspberries, blackberries, almonds, Dan’s tofu stir-fry, Chinese shrimp and veggies.
2. Important work re. Skipper’s return--thinking, praying, talks with Dan and Mimi.
3. Important texts.
4. Nice nap.
5. Weekly journaling group on Zoom, 8 p.m.

Latest Medium Story about Sugar/Overeating Addiction Recovery Journey

 https://alicegarbarinihurley.medium.com/addiction-recovery-story-28-sunflower-the-pink-earrings-helped-but-they-cant-cure-it-a2d6c1a1d32d

Medium: Sugar/Overeating Addiction Recovery Story #25, Pussy Willow

 Go Ahead, Take the Cake

good nite, :)

Medium: Just Walk Away from the Shake Machine

Above, Smashburger grilled chicken sandwich, no shake. Image from HERE.

https://alicegarbarinihurley.medium.com/addiction-recovery-story-21-queen-of-night-tulip-just-walk-away-at-smashburger-f5471404a7ef

Cookie Cleanse?

My latest piece on Medium:

Addiction Story #18, Marigold: Nabisco in My Rearview Mirror.

https://alicegarbarinihurley.medium.com/addiction-story-18-marigold-nabisco-in-my-rearview-mirror-593c82ef8c7

Good night. 

Chicken Potpie, a Day Later

 https://alicegarbarinihurley.medium.com/addiction-story-14-bleeding-heart-broken-iphone-leads-to-chicken-potpie-3d80fb47a0d9

The road to overeating might possibly be paved with excellent pie dough.

An early good night.

One Lump or Two? Another Sugar Story

 https://alicegarbarinihurley.medium.com/this-moment-is-different-45a31eb8799e

Sugar Struggle

Above: The Color Block sugar bowl in bone china from Tiffany & Co., 2.5” high, $95. Love it. LINK here.

Sorry to repeat posts from Medium, but this one is important--and if you’ve followed my blog since I started it in March 2010, you know that.

https://alicegarbarinihurley.medium.com/i-know-an-addict-when-i-see-one-9e2187bdbcef

Meanwhile, back at the ranch, I asked Fig to take Punchy (aka Skippy) grocery shopping with her and the teen brought back a big pack of airy, sugar-glazed donuts and God knows what else. I tried not to look too closely, and I don’t think I know where they are.

Drifting to sleep, I hope, on puffs of cotton and clouds, not sugar.

Good night.

The Sleuth in the Cloakroom

 https://alicegarbarinihurley.medium.com/the-sleuth-between-the-coats-in-the-hotel-cloakroom-715759fb55b5

Please check Medium link above.

I have loved writing lately, and think of it as a treat, a craft, a comfort. But it is 12:38 a.m. and I should probably rethink my writing time.

When I stay up late like this, I fuel myself with food--grabby, unhealthy foods.

I really would like to figure this out.

Good night.

Sorry Not Sorry, Santa--No Cookies for You

1. A picture of me in a dress by Karina Dresses that I came across maybe seven? years ago in Thread, a boutique that used to be right next to Bluestone Coffee Co. on Watchung Avenue in Montclair. That's Punch/Skippy sitting nearby. Then, over Labor Day Weekend 2019, Dan, Punch and I tried to go away overnight at the last minute with our friends A and M and their daughter, but the Airbnb fell through and we ended up walking around Kingston, NY, where my friend A saw the Karina Dress shop, with its motto: "The original easy dress."  However, the shop was closed. I looked it up online later.
2. A link to my latest Medium story, which includes a reference to Karina Dresses and a new teal velvet one.

https://alicegarbarinihurley.medium.com/sorry-santa-no-cookies-for-you-9330a4a10b31

Living Hard, Working Hard

 Time for bed. Until tomorrow. Good night.

I Had to Bid Adieu to 2 Treats in the House

I guess I will be able to co-exist with snacks sometimes, but the tart and tortilla chips were calling my name too often. And this tribe I live with--these people can wait until a rainy day to have a small slice or crunchy handful.

Good news: I have an assignment to write about a design space in Bordeaux, France. I'm telling you, Paris + the South of France--this is my destiny [Deneuve and "Diabolique" movies, Rigaud Paris candles, now this].

TCOY

1. Threw out rest of my good homemade apricot tart since I was only one eating it. It was too risky and tempting.
2. Threw out rest of tortilla chips--bag Dan bought. And the cheese dip he got. Had to.
3. Reading.

$ MONEY SPENT OUT OF POCKET

• Bedtime shopping Wed night after blog post, Nordstrom, Bobbi Brown luxe eye shadow palette, on sale for $40 vs. $75. Striking, pretty colors.

Total spend: $41 w shipping.
Ongoing monthly spend as of July 16: $1,422.32.
Avg daily spend:  $88.90.

P.S. Nan, I wasn’t able to comment, but thanks for the brownie feedback and support. I have a problem with my sweet tooth. I also have a friend whose husband is a well-known researcher. He told her and she told me that sugar is just as bad as cocaine, that it affected rats’ brains 🧠 in the same way. This is not to say that people who can manage sugar are at risk, but people who cannot manage it, like me.....also, BTW, someone I love has a strong family history of substance abuse. In that case, I wonder/worry a bit about the grip of sugar.

Gilda Is Gone

My dear lifelong friend Lorraine's mother died Monday, at age 96. But she was absent for years, far away with dementia. She didn’t know Lorraine anymore.

The last time I saw her, at Lor’s 50th birthday party, she was already slipping away.

Mrs. Tedesco was raised in Italy. Her husband, Patsy, short for Pasquale, was a shoemaker. Gilda was a homemaker, and proud of it, though she was a seamstress as a younger woman.

I remember her walking all over Dumont--to Saint Mary's, the grocery store--briskly walking, her petite frame strong enough to carry her bags.

She never learned to drive.

Today, Moey and I met back in Dumont for the service at the funeral home and Mass at the church.

If you look closely, you may see her flying through the heavens tonight--homemade Italian cookies in her apron, big smile on her face.

Godspeed, Mrs. Tedesco. Thank you for being such a good mother to my friend. Our mothers mold us. And since mine died young, I guess I’ve placed high value on my friends’ mothers. How lucky my girlfriends were and are to have them.

I would like to write more but I am tired. Good night.

TCOY

1. Blowout for important appt. tomorrow.
2. Ice water.
3. I have to start counting day 1 again tomorrow off refined sugar road, because Lorraine's dad's cousin made a sponge cake, a humble, home-baked offering for the funeral table. It was lofty and tender and part of the family heritage, so I had a pillowy slice. Memorable. I followed it with two leaf-shaped butter cookies, one chocolate, one pink, and a piece of dark chocolate.

$ MONEY SPENT OUT OF POCKET

• Gorgeous white orchid Moey and I bought to bring to the house. We split the price, so $20.
• Blowout for interview, $35.
• Small art piece bought from Punchy's friend, $5.
• Kings. I let Punch pick out lots of things she wanted--a rare treat lately--from Stacy's Pita Chips to frozen chocolate-chip pancakes. I'm too tired to write it all out, but $102.59. That included milk, oat milk, organic chicken tenders, Uncrustables, yogurts, vegan dinners, toaster corn cakes, etc. etc.

TOTAL DAILY SPEND: $162.59.

WILL crunch numbers soon.

Fresh-Start Friday

TCOY, new Day 1 off Sugar Road

1. I was all worked up last night, and very unpleasant to be around. I regret that. I also grabbed and gobbled three of Punchy's chocolate cookies when I was overtired. This morning, it felt like TCOY to do things like wash the dishes, scrub the 4 large skillets [we use a lot of them--for eggs, grilled cheese, quesadillas, sautéed vegs, etc.], take the dog out, change the sheets, do a load of wash, shave my legs with Dove moisturizing body wash, apply makeup--to accomplish all of that before
2. Walking into town to work on my laptop and meet my editors' deadlines.
3. Tomorrow morning, I meet Kim and we drive down to D.C. area for 1 overnight girls' trip with Nan and Liz!!!!!!

$ MONEY SPENT OUT OF POCKET

• Kings, 2 Mast Brothers [crafted in Brooklyn] dark chocolate bars on sale, pound of Breakstone's butter on sale, $10.33.
• Kings, Italian sub sandwich [not a full one] plus tax, $8.48.
• Joyist, the Kacy, a clean green drink made with spinach, kale, apple, lemon, banana and more, $12. When Joyist closed at 6, I walked over to
• Starbucks, and used my 300 reward points on app for free venti decaf latte and one Peanut Butter Perfect Bar [protein bar]. $0.

TOTAL DAILY SPEND: $30.81.
Will catch up on monthly total over weekend.

Wi-Fi Scramble

Wi-Fi bill late, scrambling in and out of town to get on internet, to work, at Joyist and Starbucks. Punch has an appointment at 4:15.

Drove with Dan to Newark Airport 9 am for his flight to Dallas, one overnight to work at an event. Yellow hat and jacket in tow, to write 60-Second Novels; then we switched seats and I drove home. He will get paid by check tonight, so we will be able to reconnect soon.

I'm also owed payment for several article assignments, but not imminent. Sometimes you have to wait. My favorites are the direct deposits into checking account.

TCOY, restarting Day 1 again off Sugar Road

1. Felt jittery this morning. Also ate 3 very mediocre Pepperidge Farm chocolate-chip cookies that we bought for Punch and 2 spoonfuls of Nutella that stuck to my teeth. As Joan Didion said, Goodbye to All That. Texted some friends for support. Support received.
2. Healthy drink at Joyist.
3. Planning turkey burger and vegs for dinner.

MONEY SPENT OUT OF POCKET

Tuesday, October 1

• Joyist, free punch on rewards card! Salem pumpkin smoothie, $0.
• Marcel Bakery & Kitchen, roasted veggies of day with hummus plus loaf of French bread to bring home, about $17.

Wednesday, October 2

• Joyist, The Greg smoothie, $12.
• Parking meter, $2.
• Starbucks, tall drink for Punch, $4.50.
• Starbucks, protein bar for me, $3.68.

RUNNING MONTHLY SPEND AS OF OCTOBER 2: $39.18.

AVERAGE DAILY SPEND: $19.59.