I was up till 2:30 A.M. because I couldn't fall asleep...either upstairs in our bedroom, with a little fan on the dresser, or downstairs on the couch, with a little air conditioner in the dining room window. Now I have to sleep.
But before I doze off, there's something I want to remind myself of--I think I struggle with this because I'm the youngest of four children and felt special, maybe adored. But then when you take that feeling into the real world, it doesn't always prove true, or protect you.
Someone else's happiness does not take away yours. Someone else's good fortune and success does not block yours. Someone else's stunning beauty does not negate the fact that you are beautiful, too. Someone else's swinging blonde ponytail--lucky!!!!--does not mean your tightly curled hair is hopeless. Or that it should not be embraced. What if Coco Chanel pulled her designs because she didn't want to compete? What if she didn't believe in herself? What of her signature ropes of pearls and gold chains and black satin bows, which changed the fashion world? What if Manolo Blahnik gave up his stunning shoes when Jimmy Choo came along? What if writers and artists and potters and chefs stopped working because they had competition? Exactly. Someone else can be desirable, and desired, and wonderful, and so can you. One dozen, one hundred, one thousand, one hundred thousand others can be golden but it doesn't mean you can't grab the golden ring, too. It's a big world, and there's enough joy and luck, beauty and charm and talent, to go around. Be patient. Be kind. Be true to yourself and to those around you. Repeat this 100 times a day. You genuinely are enough. [Note to self: This mantra is not only about you. It's also about being secretly competitive and jealous on behalf of your daughter, about things she probably doesn't even think about. How weird is that?]
I have a new post label now: Envy. Good night.
TCOY
But before I doze off, there's something I want to remind myself of--I think I struggle with this because I'm the youngest of four children and felt special, maybe adored. But then when you take that feeling into the real world, it doesn't always prove true, or protect you.
Someone else's happiness does not take away yours. Someone else's good fortune and success does not block yours. Someone else's stunning beauty does not negate the fact that you are beautiful, too. Someone else's swinging blonde ponytail--lucky!!!!--does not mean your tightly curled hair is hopeless. Or that it should not be embraced. What if Coco Chanel pulled her designs because she didn't want to compete? What if she didn't believe in herself? What of her signature ropes of pearls and gold chains and black satin bows, which changed the fashion world? What if Manolo Blahnik gave up his stunning shoes when Jimmy Choo came along? What if writers and artists and potters and chefs stopped working because they had competition? Exactly. Someone else can be desirable, and desired, and wonderful, and so can you. One dozen, one hundred, one thousand, one hundred thousand others can be golden but it doesn't mean you can't grab the golden ring, too. It's a big world, and there's enough joy and luck, beauty and charm and talent, to go around. Be patient. Be kind. Be true to yourself and to those around you. Repeat this 100 times a day. You genuinely are enough. [Note to self: This mantra is not only about you. It's also about being secretly competitive and jealous on behalf of your daughter, about things she probably doesn't even think about. How weird is that?]
I have a new post label now: Envy. Good night.
TCOY
- Illy iced latte macchiato [buy small can, pour over tall tumbler of ice, stir in half and half]. I see they cost less per can on shop.illy.com but not sure about shipping charges. One dainty little can feels like a big indulgence and I read a quote from some celeb recently praising illy coffee as a great splurge.
- Private Benjamin.
- Picked up my Rx and got new whitening toothpaste and floss. After developing a taste for no. 1, above, may need more whitening. I know someone who only drinks coffee through a straw so it doesn't stain her teeth. And she does have a gorgeous smile.
Posts
Hi Alice. I like this very thoughtful post, and I can surely relate as a sometimes insecure artist. Love, Linny
ReplyDeleteLin, thank you....I will give you a phone call soon just to check in...love, al
ReplyDeleteOk, I sooooo get the vicarious envy via the daughter thing. I have beautiful, smart, funny, charismatic daughters...but, when one of their peers did something better, accomplished something amazing (athletics, music, language...areas my girls do not excell at), that green-eyed monster would stir. I feel that more re; them than myself. Yucky, but real and prob more common if people owned up to it as you so bravely did.
ReplyDeleteCoffee thru straw. I've heard about that, too, and my graying smile prob would benefit, but, you know, for me, life is just too short to drink coffee thru a straw...
Hi Kim...thanks for the feedback...yes, i find the envy via daughter thing, as you put it, quite a green-eyed monster. My friends don't really talk about it, so i feel like a monster but...there it is. Facing it is better than burying it. I have to tell myself these things over and over in my mind--someone else's happiness doesn't negate yours or Figgy's....someone else NOT having good things would not make us any happier....that's not what we want...everyone deserves good things...etc. etc. and re. coffee through straw, I know....life IS short. love alice
ReplyDelete