Calm

Reaching for calm. Righting my wrongs. Filling the tub with lavender bubbles and about to step in, even though I'm feeling panicked about getting everything done for Christmas. The tree isn't trimmed. The laundry's not folded. The dishwasher is on strike...though our golden babysitter, Elaine, got it going yesterday.

It will all work out. It will be okay. It's the birthday of someone very special tomorrow....a mild and gentle baby....a source of light and infinite love.

What will not be alright is for me to stuff cookies and candy and potato chips into my mouth under the guise of holiday pleasure. I can or will become--and I know this from experience--unstable, short-tempered and perhaps even monstrous. It's not so different from a mean drunk.

I will get some soup for supper. I will drink ice water. I will get a soy latte. I will be okay.

I wish you a lovely Christmas Eve. I think I might write more later. It helps. Thank you for listening.