Fear cripples me. It caused me to freeze and get fired as a young writer, age 26. Words had flowed easily from my mind to those electric typewriter keys to the blue copy paper--until they didn’t.
Fear--crouching in the corner like a mean witch with a wart on her nose, a bony, old woman wearing a crocheted cardigan sweater in muddied mauve--has held me back from standing up for myself in the workplace when someone was wrongly blaming me for their mistake(s). [Well, I also clearly remember defending myself sometimes, too, and effectively.]
I fear so much w Figgy. It’s overwhelming and it’s a handicap. It’s probably not rational. I pray I can stop fretting and worrying. Fear is my default. Worrying is my Achilles heel. My Dad also worried a lot.
With Figgy, it’s not the old woman in the corner but rather a grip that takes hold of my heart and mind. I have to physically shake it off, release it.
A friend told me fear can be an addiction.
God, please help me do my work productively, take care of myself and be calm. Help me be my best partner, mother and, to Punch, legal guardian [mother, for all intents and purposes]. Help me fit in time for nature, because that fills my soul and broadens my perspective--gives me good ground to walk on. Help me STAY IN TODAY. I find it very hard w Figgy. Thank you.
Signed, Seeking Serenity
Fear--crouching in the corner like a mean witch with a wart on her nose, a bony, old woman wearing a crocheted cardigan sweater in muddied mauve--has held me back from standing up for myself in the workplace when someone was wrongly blaming me for their mistake(s). [Well, I also clearly remember defending myself sometimes, too, and effectively.]
I fear so much w Figgy. It’s overwhelming and it’s a handicap. It’s probably not rational. I pray I can stop fretting and worrying. Fear is my default. Worrying is my Achilles heel. My Dad also worried a lot.
With Figgy, it’s not the old woman in the corner but rather a grip that takes hold of my heart and mind. I have to physically shake it off, release it.
A friend told me fear can be an addiction.
God, please help me do my work productively, take care of myself and be calm. Help me be my best partner, mother and, to Punch, legal guardian [mother, for all intents and purposes]. Help me fit in time for nature, because that fills my soul and broadens my perspective--gives me good ground to walk on. Help me STAY IN TODAY. I find it very hard w Figgy. Thank you.
Signed, Seeking Serenity
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Harder when they are right there. Will have similar challenge next year when Will moves home. Good luck!
ReplyDeleteLiz
yes, very very hard when they're there, Alice. Hang in there--thinking of you. xoxo
ReplyDeleteI understand irrational fear... Joey, and what will happen when I am no longer here (as well as what will happen tomorrow or next week). It all keeps me up at night, too. Love, Lin
ReplyDeleteHi friends. Thank you for caring. I mean it! Yes, Lin, irrational fear is a good way to put it.....your Joey is in good hands and with you and Joe loving him and watching always. xoxoox Alice
ReplyDelete