Failed at my intent to not eat the first piece of Halloween candy, which I predicted, based on decades of experience, would lead to a bender.
It was 1 pm and I was hungry. So I had turkey, Swiss and mustard on healthy European brown bread, with a glass of milk.
Then I checked to see if I had good, vegan dark chocolate [also low in sugar] to make Yolos for Figgy and the Halloween party Punch is attending. It’s a recipe for chocolate-covered date balls on sticks, like cake pops. I found the 70 percent dark chocolate, took a nibble and then, in the words of my friend, It was off to the races.
I had told Sis and friends including J, M, B, A and Figgy’s boyfriend that I was planning not to eat the first piece, because I wouldn’t be able to stop. But I did eat that first snack-size [not mini] Reese’s PB Cup, followed by many more, plus some Almond Joys and Kit Kats. And I mean seriously pillaging the 6-bag supply Dan bought for trick-or-treaters.
I really did not taste or enjoy the factory-made cups and bars. I tasted nothing. It’s not high-quality chocolate, expertly crafted in Paris. Even the pleated dark cup the Reese’s is nestled in did not seem alluring. It’s just the pull of those colorful, signature orange and blue wrappers, the tear of opening them, the flashback to childhood, to wanting candy, to having an ample supply collected on October 31.
It’s a frenzied sense of false, misguided privilege, wealth or abundance. Fake news, fake chocolate. And defiance; no one was there to stop me, so no one could. Not Mom, Dan, Sis, Punchy. And besides, I would have been too proud/ashamed to eat all that in front of someone. Lesson to file for next year: Do not be home alone with candy. It’s too scary!
I want this to be the end for this Halloween. I planned to treat myself with a bike ride and I still will. I won’t make the Yolos but will buy something to bring to the party.
I will reinstate my original plan going forward. I still have hours door to door w Punch and pals, plus she will haul in a giant sackful. I will again aim to sidestep the treats.
No more tears-and-fears compulsive overeating.
What self-harm this was. An unstoppable urge to do something not good for me.
Thank you, truly, for listening.
I call a do-over.
It was 1 pm and I was hungry. So I had turkey, Swiss and mustard on healthy European brown bread, with a glass of milk.
Then I checked to see if I had good, vegan dark chocolate [also low in sugar] to make Yolos for Figgy and the Halloween party Punch is attending. It’s a recipe for chocolate-covered date balls on sticks, like cake pops. I found the 70 percent dark chocolate, took a nibble and then, in the words of my friend, It was off to the races.
I had told Sis and friends including J, M, B, A and Figgy’s boyfriend that I was planning not to eat the first piece, because I wouldn’t be able to stop. But I did eat that first snack-size [not mini] Reese’s PB Cup, followed by many more, plus some Almond Joys and Kit Kats. And I mean seriously pillaging the 6-bag supply Dan bought for trick-or-treaters.
I really did not taste or enjoy the factory-made cups and bars. I tasted nothing. It’s not high-quality chocolate, expertly crafted in Paris. Even the pleated dark cup the Reese’s is nestled in did not seem alluring. It’s just the pull of those colorful, signature orange and blue wrappers, the tear of opening them, the flashback to childhood, to wanting candy, to having an ample supply collected on October 31.
It’s a frenzied sense of false, misguided privilege, wealth or abundance. Fake news, fake chocolate. And defiance; no one was there to stop me, so no one could. Not Mom, Dan, Sis, Punchy. And besides, I would have been too proud/ashamed to eat all that in front of someone. Lesson to file for next year: Do not be home alone with candy. It’s too scary!
I want this to be the end for this Halloween. I planned to treat myself with a bike ride and I still will. I won’t make the Yolos but will buy something to bring to the party.
I will reinstate my original plan going forward. I still have hours door to door w Punch and pals, plus she will haul in a giant sackful. I will again aim to sidestep the treats.
No more tears-and-fears compulsive overeating.
What self-harm this was. An unstoppable urge to do something not good for me.
Thank you, truly, for listening.
I call a do-over.
Posts
O ouch, You are right, there’s some self contempt when we fail at simple exercises in self control. I planned to eat some candy and did, because I am not good around candy, and I do have that sense of entitlement on Halloween. Sigh. But that was yesterday, today I leave the house and the leftover candy and it should be easier. I hope P hoards her candy in her room out of your sight!
ReplyDeleteLiz
Yes I gave Punch her candy-/her huge candy haul—and she hid it. It will take her months to eat it. xo
DeleteVery brave post, Alice. I know the temptation of having all that candy around. I plan to return our unopened box of Milky Ways to BJ's. Can't do much about the opened leftover variety pack which includes Butterfingers, Reese's, Milky Ways, Snickers and some others. Not good to have all that around the house. Love, Lin
ReplyDeleteLin that is a brilliant idea to leave the packs/bags unopened and return to get money back!!!!!! Excellent. Love Al
ReplyDelete