Taking Stock, Leaning in

Liz and Nan sent me this cookbook in winter 2018. I've looked at the recipes
with great interest and finally made one today: Buffalo Cauliflower.

The cauliflower is looking good. You dip the florets in a batter of flour and water--I used Bob's Red Mill Whole Wheat Pastry Flour, since I have a big sack--and then bread in crumbs drizzled with olive oil. Next, roast 10 minutes, flip cauliflower once, finish roasting. Add buffalo sauce, ranch dressing etc....this was in the New Year's holiday section.

Punchy made the batter but was so busy with her new pet, a Russian dwarf hamster, that she then bowed out of the kitchen. She has been gunning like crazy for another pet in addition to our Sugar. Fig's friend moved to Chicago and asked us to take on tiny Mochi, who had already been named after the little Japanese ice cream balls Punchy loves.

You and Dan have to stop arguing, Punch said this morning on the walk to the schoolbus. Loud noises will scare Mochi. He is nocturnal. Ok, Alice?

Yes, I said. Ok.

But...taking stock. As in, I asked Dan to get the ingredients when he went to ShopRite yesterday. I didn't have to steer out of a splurge. And instead of buying another new cooking magazine or cookbook, my weakness, I used this fabulous gift of recipes.

I spent zero $ today, because I only left the house to walk Punch to and from bus stop, take a quick walk and make many trips hauling recycling out to the curb. 

Yet, I have lost some armor. The fluffy frostings, butter cookies and glittery, newly acquired accessories have buffered me from pain, from feelings. Today I felt still and quiet, even melancholy.

If this is how life is without my style and sugar shields, I'm not sure I like it so much. I feel vulnerable. Hurt. Some things have come up.

I texted a friend/mentor.

It is scary and hard, I wrote.

You are brave and strong, came the reply.

Yes, I am. And putting some of my fashionable flair into making stylish, healthy meals is a step in the right direction.

Nan and Liz, thank you.

TCOY

1. Bath with lavender bubbles.
2. Applied makeup, felt good.
3. Vegs.