$$$ Tracking

My fashion inventory yesterday helped me. I am going to be more conscious about spending in 2019. I do not want to acquire so much "stuff." My closet is packed; I can barely open the drawers of the mahogany Thomasville dresser Dan and I bought as newlyweds.

I already overspent today. See receipt, above. The socks for Punchy were half price, and she really can use some matched pairs, so I stand by that purchase. The Pacifica Mascara & Highlighter Duo for $19.99 plus tax--probably should have put back. But not willing to go and return it. You see, the idea of a "rainbow crystals liquid mineral strobe multi-use highlighter" and "Stellar Gaze Length & Strength Mascara" in a pretty two-pack caught my eye. I want my tired blue-gray eyes to look more lively. Eating veggies and fruits and drinking water/exercising/yoga might help with that; this magnificent team could help, too. And a single tube of my black Chanel mascara costs more than these two products together.

I also probably should not have spent $16.49 on just over a pound of florentine stuffed/rolled salmon to feed me, Dan and Punch tonight before we leave by 6:30 for her hourlong open tumble session at gymnastics. [I have roasted cauliflower and veggie sausages for Fig.] Having written this, I see I definitely should not have splurged on that fish. The salmon portions were less costly; the frozen fish, even more economical.

She thinks she's Lady Bountiful, my mother used to say about her mother, Alice Mahon, when my grandparents were living in a garden apartment near our house in Dumont, New Jersey. By that she meant, Granny would want only name brands: Sealtest cottage cheese, Nabisco Social Tea cookies, Pepperidge Farm raisin bread, Entenmann's cakes. My parents bought store brands. My grandmother liked to treat us sometimes.

Alice Marie was slim, frail in her older years. She had spent part of her life in an orphanage in NYC. She married my grandfather, Jim, when she was 17 and he was 34, and raised her own family--my mother and three younger brothers--in Hell's Kitchen and later a one-bedroom apartment farther uptown. They didn't have a lot of money. My mom said she often picked up a 5-pound bag of potatoes on her way home from school--and that when they had bacon, they spread the fat on bread in place of butter. She said it tasted just fine.

My grandmother had once been a maid; my Irish immigrant grandfather worked as a doorman and an elevator operator. They both worked at the 34th Street Post Office at one time or another. 

I hope it is okay to note that it seems my grandfather was apt to drink his paycheck; Granny told me she had to "go to the saloon" on his paydays to get it. My mother would not like that I am writing that. It would pain the mother I knew. I am sorry. But it is my past--and my present, if I cannot see it clearly. I can clearly relate to the temptation of spending a whole paycheck on an addiction; I have not quite done that, but I surely have compulsively spent money on clothing, accessories, food, books and beauty products. 

I truly do not know what my mother saw or denied, in terms of drinking, in the father she adored. Was the glass empty or half full? She was the apple of his eye. I

I loved both of my grandparents, visited them weekly on my own for dinner in high school and on college breaks. I can still see Granny's mischievous, dancing dark eyes [I was a flapper, she said] and Grandpa's twinkling blues. I can hear his thick brogue and riddles, smell the peppermint Life Savers in his pocket. He was kind to me. But feeling love does not have to equate with looking away.

Alice Mahon never drove. Never flew anywhere. Never dashed to Cape Cod on a girls' trip, young daughters in tow. I don't know if she ever ate in fancy restaurants--Tavern on the Green, high tea at the Plaza. She surely never bought pricey cappuccinos or dark chocolate. Probably did not visit Bergdorf Goodman, though who knows--and I am totally making this part up--maybe the lady of the house sent her there to pick up some fine china dinner plates. 

Sis told me that for years, when she lived in her Upper East Side apartment, she kept a notebook in which she recorded every dollar she spent. I have tried to do what my sister did, but it never lasted. I hope now to add a feature to my blog. I already have TCOY, for TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF, and now plan to add, $MSOOP, for MONEY SPENT OUT OF POCKET. This is opposed to things like our mortgage and power bill. This is debit card purchases and cash that I personally spend daily. I don't plan to show receipts all the time.

So here goes. Wish me luck. I would love to hear about how you conserve money. Do you have a savings account and watch it grow?

$MSOOP [first time for MONEY SPENT OUT OF POCKET]

• $101.84 at Montclair Whole Foods. Overspent on Pacifica Mascara/Highlighter Duo and florentine stuffed salmon [dinner for three of us]. Could have gotten cauliflower and carrots at a lower price at ShopRite. The organic cauliflower head I got was small. But I like the experience of shopping at Whole Foods. I got a good price on 365 brand olive oil and organic whole milk.