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Sunday, November 10, 2019

Short-Person Challenge

What if someone:
  • Gets dropped off to go into weekly 10:15 am CCD* class, a little late, 10:18 am.
  • And you trust her to walk in, snug in her nude-pink fuzzy hoodie [the same nude-pink color of the moment that her big sister, Figgy, loves, and in fact, you would like something that color, too]. Her friend is in the car, and you have to drop her at her home after their sleepover and then get to 10:30 Mass yourself. And Fuzzy Hoodie has indeed walked in alone before...
  • And then Fuzzy H. climbs back into the car, a back-seat prank, as you round the bend.
  • And you laugh a little and then say, Go, you must go to CCD now. You are 3 minutes late. I will be right back to go to Mass. And she walks toward the Catholic school, which is next to the Catholic church. And you drop off the nice friend and go back to church and then Fuzzy joins you near the end of Mass, sitting next to you in the pew, as the CCD kids are allowed to do. They can come over to Mass and join their families when class is over.
  • And she begs you to please, please borrow your classic Burberry plaid wool scarf and you finally relent. And she covers her head and hair with it, like a disguise, a babushka. And you know immediately that she has done something wrong at CCD and is trying to hide--from a teacher, a child, someone. And you know that lately, she has been saying, You can't make me go to CCD. I'm not Catholic. I'm Jewish. Which of course she is not, but two close friends are, and she even went to Hebrew school with them once.....
  • So you say to her after church, before you both go down to coffee hour and the bake sale for Haiti, Tell me what happened. It's not good to keep secrets inside. It will eat up your heart....
  • And she tells two fibs before getting to the truth. 1. I pulled the fire alarm. 2. I beat up a boy. and you can tell they are fibs and then, finally, the truth. 3I didn't go to my class and I walked around inside the school instead, and Mrs. S. [who is the good woman who runs the program] told me I had to go to class and that now every week you have to walk me up to class. And she asked if you were at Mass and I said I didn't know. And I don't want to go downstairs for donuts because Mrs. S. might be there. Please, Alice, I'm scared.
  • I'm glad you told me, you say. But I'm disappointed.
  • And then indeed Mrs. S. is at donuts & coffee, standing near the bright, Blue's Clues-blue frosted cupcakes on the bake sale table, and you talk about what happened and apologize and she says, What I'm really worried about is her safety. If she really doesn't want to be there, there's no use forcing her and you say, I'm not willing to give up yet. I know she believes in God. I mean I don't understand what the big deal is, why she can't go for one hour a week. And Mrs. S. agrees, One hour. Okay.
Dan and I were/are both very upset and disappointed.

Rough road.

Good night.

*Per Wikipedia: Confraternity of Christian Doctrine (CCD) is an association established in Rome in 1562 for the purpose of giving religious education. Its modern usage is a religious education program of the Roman Catholic Church, normally designed for children. In some parishes, CCD is called PSR, meaning Parish School of Religion.
+I went to Catholic elementary school, where we had religion classes. I went to public high school, so for one or two years of high school? I went to weekly evening CCD. Somebody jokingly called it Coffee Cake & Donuts.

TCOY
  1. Warm bath with Dr. Teal's salts.
  2. Walked Sug around block; pretty moon.
  3. Listening, praying, singing and being present at Mass.
  4. Nice long nap, while Dan supervised Punch's involved written science project.
  5. Roasted big pan of cauliflower florets.
  6. TODAY IS DAY 12 off refined sugar path. When I made the rosemary shortbread, I used very little [3 teaspoons] sugar. That's within my fence, so far at least. When grams of sugar per serving are about 4-8 or less, I generally say OK. I walked today's rough road without nibbling a single chocolate-chip cookie; or donut at coffee hour; or bowl of Ben & Jerry's nondairy ice cream from freezer. This is good. However, I did eat way too many of the Cheetos left from sleepover. Series of unfortunate events.
$ MONEY SPENT OUT OF POCKET
  • Kids' church bake sale for Haiti, 1/2 dozen excellent fresh bagels with container of cream cheese; big Granny Smith apple dunked by hand in caramel, chocolate and toppings; and container of tiny chocolate-chip cookies, plus $2 donation, $21. [Sweets went to Punch's room--if she doesn't want, she can throw out.]
  • Cornerstone Montclair, $14.90. Punch and I love this store. It's right across from our church and promotes an inclusive community for all.
TOTAL DAILY SPEND: $35.90.
RUNNING TOTAL FOR MONTH AS OF NOV. 10: $580.52.
AVG. DAILY SPEND: $58.05.

COMPARE TO 3 PRIOR MONTHS:

TOTAL SPEND FOR OCTOBER (31 DAYS): $2,495.36.🍎 ⬆️
AVERAGE DAILY SPEND: $80.49.🍎 ⬆️
_____________________________________________________________________
TOTAL SPEND FOR SEPTEMBER (30 DAYS): $2,214.43.🍎⬇️
AVERAGE DAILY SPEND: $73.81.🍎⬇️
_______________________________________________________________________________
TOTAL SPEND FOR AUGUST (31 DAYS): $2,895.06. ⬆️
AUGUST AVERAGE DAILY SPEND: $93.39.  ⬆️





14 comments:

  1. Here are my thoughts about this, given with misgivings but really heart-felt:

    How can forcing a twelve-year-old into a room where she doesn’t want to be help her love God more? Walking her to the door of the room like a jailer? It just feels really wrong to me.

    Lying and hiding was wrong, but then she opened up. You should build on that trust. You want her to know and love God, and there are ways to feed that other than having a power struggle over her physical attendance where she clearly doesn’t want to be.

    My church was an important part of my high school experience, but it was entirely at my option. She is younger, so can’t make her own decisions, but she should influence them. So I would think it needs to be discussed. Maybe there are other options you can come up with, that provide for the spiritual nourishment she needs, but don’t agitate her to the point of disobedience and lying.

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  2. Hard to read. Except Christmas and Easter,no one comes to Mass with me. John liked CCD and went thru high school. Will hates religion, thinks it's for stupid people. Both I told -t?an hour a week not thinking about yourself is pitifully small, and your complaints show it is hugely necessary. Good luck.

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    1. Wise as always, Liz. Dan used to go every week w me, got disillusioned, esp after abuse reports, only goes Easter and Christmas now. Figgy is such. Good, true person but she dropped out of CCD in 8th grade, said she didn’t believe in God. It broke my heart. I truly want both girls to have faith but maybe it’s not so different than Figgy’s deep passion and love for birds and mosses and her little sister? Sending love to Silver S. Alice

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    2. Alice, we don't fit neatly in anyone's camp, but maybe closest to Dan's. We left the church and are very loosely involved with a Protestant church in our neighborhood. But then, like Julia Sweeney said, "God said 'ha!'" James asked to go to Catholic school. As I get older, I believe that there aren't many right answers, mostly just questions. When I was young, I would have thought it was sinful to have one foot in and one foot out of the church, but now I don't really care. I'm happy to still have that connection, because it is embedded in me and it's where I feel the most spiritually comfortable. I accept that most of my "answers" are probably wrong, but I believe that God loves me anyway.

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    3. I love that...there aren’t many right answers, mostly just questions....and Catholic high school...wow. Thanks friend. Xo

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  3. Oh my. I wrote a long reply on this tiny iPhone screen and lost it. Nan thank you, as always. The jailer image—quite vivid. I do not want to be a jailer. But I want Fuzzy H to have faith to lean on. She is already and will continue to deal with hard times in her life. I try to give her structure, too. I could possibly go back to just Mass weekly and drop CCD but it goes against my grain and then I also think she is setting her course, not letting her adults set it, with something elemental like this. When my mother died, when Figgy was sick in the hospital, my faith and prayer helped me immensely. Will Punchy have faith and prayer if she stops going? Don’t I need to help her build it more? I love your feedback. Thanks. Love Alice

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  4. I don't have any advice on this count. However, her tactic of floating two REALLY BAD fibs before her (kind of bad) truth is pretty interesting. I hope you have a nice, peaceful week with her.

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    1. Hi young MTM. I know that tactic—so that what she really did would be lighter. Thanks for wishing a peaceful week. It’s up and down. Hope all is well w you. Xxoo

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  5. I apologize, Alice, because “jailer” is way too harsh. And I’m the last one to give advice on religion. But I ask, Will Punchy have faith and prayer if you make her go now and she doesn’t want to be there?

    Small children need to be told where and when to go places. Adolescents get more freedom to choose, and you have to hope what you did earlier will be telling for them. Your fuzzy little girl is truly a tween, stuck between those ages, and I’m in no position to judge where on that spectrum she is.

    Can you talk to her about why she doesn’t want to go? And at all costs, don’t make going or not going about a power struggle between you.

    That’s all I got. All my love and best wishes for you both.

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    Replies
    1. Nan, I appreciate your love and best wishes for me and Punch. I’ve started a dialogue about why she hates it so much—as you suggested. You ARE in a position to advise. Love Alice

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  6. Such a dilemma. And it's not just an issue for Catholic families! Let's discuss when we get together this week.

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  7. Eggs-actly, Celia, eggs-actly. Talk Thursday. Love xo Alice

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