On the Cover of New York Magazine: Living With Karens
Montclair, New Jersey, saw itself as a progressive utopia, until a video of a white woman calling the police on her Black neighbors went viral. For the latest issue of New York Magazine, writer Allison P. Davis (@allisonpdavis) looks at the fallout from the incident and what it’s like for the couple, six months later, to still share a property line. About the "Karen" next door, Norrinda Brown Hayat tells Davis: "I would be happy if she moved. It would not make me happy if she was in jail."
The cover artwork is by Portland, Oregon–based painter Julian Victor LaMarr Gaines (@juworkingonprojects), who first collaborated with New York on the magazine’s "I Voted" cover project. Gaines began his "Karens" series at the height of quarantine, when he had time to reflect and wanted to creatively express his negative personal experiences with white neighbors.
I was upset after reading the New York Magazine story (above) online.
I’ve been busy reading the thoughtful/angry/supportive/insulting responses to "The Other Side of Karen," the piece I published on Medium on December 23. I’ve been considering them carefully, pausing and writing back to I’d say 90 percent.
Thousands have read the piece, probably because it was "distributed" on a Medium channel and strikes a chord with a lot of people.
The voices of these readers, both Black and White, LGBTQ+ or not, are in my head when I take a walk, do the dishes, drift off to sleep at night.
I have not written back to those who call me names like "cracker," although I might. It depends on the exchange.
And I have been having heated, heartfelt discussions about it with:
- A dear friend in town.
- Figgy, 25, whose beloved best friend (one of two) since sixth grade in the Montclair public school system is Black.
- My Sis.
- My niece Leah, who is part of a restorative justice program up in Maine and is reading (and recommends) Uncomfortable Conversations with a Black Man, by Emmanuel Acho to get a better grasp on White privilege.
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Some of the people on my bullet list (above) agree with my view. Some do not.
Figgy was furious Monday night in our living room, her voice pitching louder and louder, pointing out that her parents are not aware of our longstanding White privilege.
I heard her, just as I hear the other people writing back to me. Figgy is right.
Fig: Mom, you know how I kneel down at the end of a lawn when I see cool mosses? If I were a Black man, people would be calling the police on me.
Me: Yes, they might. I see that. But to be perfectly honest, I might think it’s quirky to see anyone kneeling down on the edge of my lawn and looking at it. I would probably go out and ask you what you’re doing.
Okay, Mom. It’s like the #MeToo movement. Would you say that if someone groped a woman, well, it wasn’t rape, so it doesn’t matter?
She then went onto slavery, landowner rights and other ways Whites have kept Blacks down.
Again, I heard her. I hear her.
My niece Leah was good enough to engage in a long conversation with me on the phone. She reinforced what Figgy had said, challenging me but without yelling at me, and opened my eyes more.
I’ve been having a back-and-forth with a reader who really wants me to reach out to Norrinda and Fareed Hayat, the Black couple at the heart of the story. He wants me to meet them and write their side of the story. Leah brought up that possibility, too.
I said that maybe I would, but have no idea if they would want to meet me.
Catch up later.
Posts
Your article, and this post, are breathtakingly brave and honest. I’ve read many of the responses (but don’t seem to be able to read the responses to the responses). It seems to me, most of the (more pleasant) White folks are saying not every interaction between Black and White people is about race, and all of the Black people and some of the White people are saying every single interaction has to be taken into the historical and current social context of racism in America. I agree with that.
ReplyDeleteI also agree that no-one should have their whole life judged by their worst moment. But nevertheless actions have consequences, and Susan did a bad thing. Every interaction between black people and the police is fraught, and my kids have had those heart stopping moments. Big difference between that and a civil complaint about a weedy lawn. Order of magnitude different. Period.
Btw, the New York article stressed how supportive most of the neighbors were to the Hayats, and how surprised and pleased they were by that.
Hi Nan. Thanks for your thoughtful response. I was afraid the story might offend you, as I said when I called on the phone this afternoon. I’m so glad we had the chance to talk. And I’m glad you and your family are safe in the D.C. area after the frightening day of upheaval at the Senate yesterday.
ReplyDeleteI like what you said about the responses I’ve received: "White folks are saying not every interaction between Black and White people is about race, and all of the Black people and some of the White people are saying every single interaction has to be taken into the historical and current social context of racism in America. I agree with that.”
Yes, I hear that now. It was hard for me to hear at first but now I do. I really took offense initially at what seemed like a witch hunt.
I disagreed when someone in my life said “You can’t call the police on a Black family. Period.” I guess I have come around to that viewpoint. However, I did say that to that person that if I were assaulted by someone Black, White, Asian or any other, I would have to call the police, right?
There is so much at stake here and so many good true feelings, heated hurts, more....
Figgy also pointed out that this was a “social inconvenience” for Susan, even if people marched on her home....no one was harmed.
I liked your words here:
"Every interaction between black people and the police is fraught, and my kids have had those heart stopping moments. Big difference between that and a civil complaint about a weedy lawn. Order of magnitude different. Period.
Thank you for this discourse.
Love Alice
P.S. Nan, I’m not sure why you can’t read the responses to the responses. I can, and it seems like lots of responders can. I just click on the thought bubble under the response. But you have to open the response to full size on the screen, not in the margin at the right.
ReplyDeleteThe problem with layers of responses on Medium is in the iPad app- just not there- the interface is very different from the computer. And when I try to access Medium through a browser on the iPad it keeps defaulting to the app. So I finally fired up my old computer and that works fine. So I got there finally!
DeleteOh I am glad. Love to you and family. Alice
DeleteAlice, a little late to the party but wanted to say we are all learning a lot about race in the US, and sometimes it is very hard. I blush to think of some of the things I've said - out of ignorance, or the instinct to protect a friend, or trying to be clever. I see and agree with what you're doing - trying to stay open, not defensive, listen more than talk, be humble about mistakes. No one could do more. things will be better for our efforts.
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Liz
Hi Liz. Thank you for that note. Yes, I think it is key for us to listen more than talk at this crucial crossroads in time.....LOVE Alice
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