Mothering: Turning Fears Upside-Down

Image from RUN MOTO RUN. 

I'm trying hard over here to practice acceptance and to stand tall, or at least calmly stand by, in the face of fear and worry. To stay grounded. 

There's so much I want to put down, blank page and kind reader, about the cold, hard fears in our family....but that would be a violation of privacy on the public page, no matter how much it would be a release for my heart, mind, body and soul. I know you would help carry it.

For now, I will lighten my load by giving alternate names to the fears. For instance, let's say I had a motorcycle fear, because one of my two daughters was riding one. Then I could change that name here to something positive that the fear could maybe morph into one day, with the grace of God and a basket of luck. No matter how long it may take......days, decades, a lifetime (mother's or daughter's).

The motorcycle fear could become road map. Maybe the girl would grow to explore beautiful paths and places, arriving on her beast*.

If tattoos worried me (they don't, they are the least of my fears, though one daughter is prone to infections and pain from amateur applications), maybe the word switch would be: tattoo to body love. God knows they both like ink.

Right off, I listed 40 fears and dreads I have as a mother at this moment in time. To be fair, they almost all apply to just one girl. Many are just that, fears, and have not materialized. Many have. (Notice they are not in the context of wife, sister or friend, though maybe that's an oversight.) Here are my code phrases, turning my fears upside-down at 7:08 p.m. in my home office. You won't see the cold, hard fears, just the soft, turnaround wishes.

1. Floppy red roses, and the sweet scent of baby powder.
2. Compassion.
3. Self-esteem.
4. Readiness and wisdom.
5. Resilience.
6. Faith.
7. Success.
8. Skills.
9. Ice water or tea.
10. Rose-colored glasses.
11. Friend circles.
12. Kindness.
13. Pause.
14. Self-soothing.
15. Peacemaking.
16. Her own uniform.
17. Calling home.
18. Yoga teacher.
19. Walks by the sea.
20. Self-care.
21. Inner compass.
22. No place like home.
23. Ownership.
24. Freedom.
25. Long-term beauty.
26. Hands off.
27. Little white plastic fudge knife. 
28. Dates.
29. Truths.
30. Romance.
31. Integrity.
32. Openness.
33. Understanding.
34. Tolerance.
35. Inclusivity.
36. Softball (not speeding hardball) conversations.
37. Respect, inward and outward.
38. Independence.
39. Confidence.
40. Trust.

Going to Restore & Release: Restorative Yoga classes on Monday and Wednesday nights this week gave me great perspective. I love the gift of calm, quiet strength and self-care. So grateful for teachers Annette and Krystal. And the rain pouring on the studio roof last night. Perfect, just perfect. Rhythmic and real. But we were safe, warm and nurtured inside those walls, with our props for support (bolsters, blocks, blankets, straps and, of course, mats). Even luscious peppermint oil from Krystal at the end. Heady and helpful.

Revision: I thought of more fears/dreads and code word switches this morning, Friday. The last is a bit superficial, but still. 

• Bank account.
• Generosity.
• God-given eyelashes, and a clear eye on the world.

Saturday: I think this list of 43 says more about me than the young woman. How heavy my worries. Neurotic. Enough, enough.

*Bike: An acceptable term for almost any motorcycle , which is also often called a ride, sled, beast, the old lady, sweetheart, my precious, That Broken Down Old Piece of … and so on. Usage: “Sweet ride. How long have you owned it?” Big twin: Any large displacement Harley-Davidson. Fromhttps://www.themanual.com/auto/motorcycle-slang-lingo-terms-terminology-dictionary/ Oct 16, 2023