High-Low Carbs: Heavenly Biscuits, Quick Crescents & Apple Pie Secrets 🍎🍏

 

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High

Dan was away in Boston and Maine last weekend for work and a short family visit. Punchy was out. I had a yen for the Lo's Fried Chicken carryout dinner for two from Turtle + The Wolf, a beloved Montclair restaurant. I wanted the chicken, but what I really wanted was the featherlight buttermilk biscuits. I ordered this dinner package once during that lonely, dark pandemic to share with Punchy. It is not cheap but honestly, the salad was enough for two nights and the 10 pieces of cult-favorite chicken took me through a few lunches/dinners. (You have to order ahead.) The creamy mashed potatoes, yum. (I resisted the Chocolate Peanut-Butter Tart with toasted fluff but had it once with Dan at the real restaurant table.) The hot biscuits were perfection, four small, light, leavened-in-heaven beauties lined up and presented with a little cup of honey. Golden tops and tender, fluffy insides. Omigosh, butter from my fridge, and honey from the cup. Excellent. 

Low 

The Pillsbury rolls contain flour, shortening, water, baking powder--and possibly palm oil.

By contrast, I went to ShopRite with Punch last week when she was hungry. She wanted to make a Seafood Boil, and that was nice, with snow crab, fresh mussels, baby potatoes, corn on the cob, shrimp and plenty of Slap Ya Mama and Old Bay Seasoning. I also allowed her to chose some kid things like chocolate milk, fruit punch (one of each), waffles and Pillsbury Original Crescents rolls. She made them after school today. "I love snacks," I heard her say on the phone to a friend. I was surprised at how good the crescents were, again with butter and honey (her idea). Also, food science at work. Processed, I know, but took me back to my girlhood, round biscuits in a tube, arranging them in a metal pie pan in our 1950s green Dumont kitchen, setting the table for my mother. Today's crescent dough triangles are rolled up so neatly, the directions so clear ($3.49 for an 8-ounce tube).

Apple Pie Secrets

I just wrote a story about Apple Secrets for Food52. I'm proud, and have been sending along more ideas. I've wanted to work for/write for that site ever since one of my idols, NY Times food columnist Amanda Hesser (Cooking for Mr. Latte book), co-founded it. Here is the link:

https://food52.com/story/apple-secrets-baking-cooking-fall

Still chasing my dreams at age 64, and why not? (Bobbi Brown and Katie Couric shared at the 92nd Street Y talk Wednesday night that they are both 68, and nothing's stopping them.)

My apple story intro mentions a tube of biscuit dough. That came first, before we bought the crescents.

Have a good night. 🍎🍏🍎🍏

Blogging Daily Is Addictive But Hard

I went to sleep after midnight. I usually go much earlier on weeknights. I did too much, which is better than doing too little, but my self-care then suffers. I didn't brush my teeth or floss. I was too tired. I had meant to change our sheets all day but hadn't.

My Brain & Life revise was due back to my eager and punctual editor. That involved reconnecting with two of my sources in California to flesh out anecdotes. The three-hour difference, in my favor this time, gave me a cushion. The workday in CA would go on longer than mine.

Since our car got a flat and the temperature gauge climbed dramatically high again, I had to Uber with Punch to her weekly therapy appointment in Paramus. We were 9 minutes late for the 5:30 appointment, with traffic. Thank goodness for Uber. It was a money stressor, but I was determined Punchy would do in-person, generally better for her than telehealth, the backup. And we just did telehealth last Monday due to logistics.

The Uber there was $34.08 plus $5.11 tip. But that was a work bonus, because instead of driving speedy Route 17 North at rush hour, Carlos calmly held the wheel. I brought my interview notepad to review conversations and quotes in the backseat. And I checked emails on my phone. In the waiting room, while Bobby Flay oversaw a bearded chef's cornbread and fried chicken on the TV, I caught a return call from California and got exactly the info I needed, to jot in my pad and weave into the article. I was grateful. The stars aligned.

To carry us home, the car cost $35.62 plus $6 tip, but we got to meet a man (our driver) from the country of Georgia, near Turkey, and laugh over American coffee being like "black water." Davit was used to the short, strong cups of his homeland, several times a day. I like that Punch and I got a mini geography and culture lesson as the wheels turned. It matters, and it bonds us, too.

But the point is, since I hadn't blogged yet for Monday, I wrote and posted last night by 11 p.m. I hadn't made dinner or touched base with Sis. Dan had eaten a veg burger and I had to send the revised article back. Also, under too much on plate, I really wanted to watch "Witness" again after the Amish visit Sunday. I need to manage time better. I loved the movie and Figgy made me the most delicious bowl, with kale, seared tofu, pepitas and homemade dressing. Stroke of luck, being in the right place at the right time. I didn't have to pan-fry the fresh salmon, a daunting task at night. But I have to today, or it will grow older and we will lose money. Same for the big pot of chili. The giant red pepper is aging and I have to use the ground turkey in the non-vegetarian batch.

So I blogged this morning instead. I hope you enjoy your day. And I will brush and floss this morning.

P.S. My personal reader (Dan) sent me this obituary of the poodle skirt creator. What a beautifully crafted story, every word so perfect, and what an enchanting invention. Personally, I want a poodle skirt.

Words of the Day: Walking in the Rain

Song from 1948. Image from here.

I propped my flowered umbrella over my left shoulder and did a loop at Anderson Park this afternoon, passing the plaque on the rock, the plaque that honors two championship-winning Montclair lacrosse coaches from the 1970s.

As I passed it, I wondered how it must feel to parent superstar kids, high schoolers who are champions and part of a team. Must feel so good. Do those kids have troubles too? (I doubt it.) Yet now as I reflect here, I see...I ran on the cross-country and track teams all four years during that same seventies window at Dumont High School. Some of the swiftest, strongest girls did have teen challenges: anxiety, lack of friends, mocking, body image and eating disorder issues, peer pressure, “reputations,” and more.

I walked on. Over by Parkside Street, I noticed the boyhood home of astronaut Buzz Aldrin--a shake of magic on a dull afternoon. 

Things seemed mundane....after the walk, buying ground beef at the supermarket. Another lady and I went through the motions. Sighing in our minds, not audibly, as we figured out dinner again, and on a budget. She had long brown hair and was younger than me. The ground beef was on sale. With resignation, we picked up the packages and put them in our carts.

Comrades at the meat counter and in life, without exchanging a word.

So much in life feels hard today. Accepting other views of important situations, when I believe my view is the right one, the only one. Trusting other people. Co-existing with teens, teens who make choices, a young Romeo and Juliet-like pair, and overhearing snippets of their conversation while they make tacos in the kitchen. That could be considered a blessing, too.

Did Romeo and Juliet make tacos? Enjoy frozen waffles for dessert? Haha, no.

According to reference.com:

What Foods Did Romeo and Juliet Eat?

William Shakespeare’s play, “Romeo and Juliet,” mentions in Act 4, Scene 4, “They call for dates and quinces in the pastry.” This is the only specific mention of food in the play resembling the typical diet of upper-class Italians in the 16th century.

Coming to terms. I am responsible for my behavior in life and cannot control what others do.

But it occurred to me today that maybe blogging here helps me sort and sift through life, like sifting through sand on Cape Cod, keeping the pretty scallop shells and letting the rest of the sand fall back into place. But how many times have I picked up a rock near the surf, a stone that shines purple, only to take it home and see it as ordinary gray once it’s dry and on my desk?

Do we need the sun to help us see things in a better light? The sun and the glistening sea? Do we need words to help us see things in a better light? In a softer, brighter, or clearer light?

In between writing about a lovely weekend apartment in the Mediterranean, asking about the fabric on the slouchy white couch, and who did the painting, and then inquiring about a Brooklyn Heights pad with brightly colored walls, and writing about money matters for a fintech site, I think blogging here helps. Writing about life.

It feels good to be home again.

Sit Still & Write: Maine Memories

I wrote this after Maine trip (we returned July 31). Clicking “publish" now. A busy summer.

Skipper and me at Sand Beach in Acadia National Park, Saturday, 7.30.22. We zipped in and out for a couple hours. It was a 1.5 hour ride each way and a $30 entrance fee but worth every penny to show her the marvels of Thunder Hole and Sand Beach. Next time, we will explore more. (Figgy had already flown back to Florida after two weeks in Montclair and Maine.)

Mima (nickname), age 61, with Figgy, 26, and Skippy, 15, at the wedding of their cousin Chris to Marie-Camille in Belfast, Maine, Saturday, 7.23.22.

Beautiful ladies in blue. My sister-in-law Martha, Figgy, Skipper and Angel.

With Dan at McLoon’s Lobster Shack in Spruce Head, Maine. Excellent lobster roll with a heap of tender ocean riches, and the setting was a tonic.  

Still sliding today in anxiety and worry....which of course does nothing to move life’s compass in the right direction (toward calm and acceptance)...though Skipper and I are doing a DBT (hands-on therapy skills) program for mothers and daughters...all adolescent teen girls....the girls are in one room with a therapist covering the same material we cover with a therapist in our room. I have heard about DBT’s value for years and grateful we are doing it. It is a course of about six months, in person, two nights a week for 1.5 hours each time.

I think it is helping and will help.

Not Afraid of Monsters

Lumbering Mr. Stay-Puft, the silly yet menacing “Ghostbusters” monster. Image from here.

Fear can start as a mini marshmallow, a tiny pillow of air. Then the minis mound up and I am squaring off with Mr. Stay-Puft, a moving, threatening giant. The fear can take over, larger than life.

In parenting, I do not want to get lost in this soft, sticky, hard-to-stop emotion. I would like to notice the first mini marshmallow. Acknowledge it. Face it. Put it down. 

I pray not to see a handful of minis in this teen’s life and immediately build a moving pile. A heap that soon takes form as a towering marshmallow man. May I see a plump, right-sized marshmallow as the thing of campfires and Girl Scout trips--an innocent, snow-white bite of childhood and BBQs, not a monster coming for us. For the teen, and for the family.

My I stay right-sized, the teen stay right-sized, my partner stay right-sized and my fears stay right-sized.

Wikipedia says of Stay-Puft: Although mean and destructive at first, he later befriends Slimer and the Ghostbusters in the animated series The Real Ghostbusters, and helps them out with various problems.

That’s it, that’s all. Food for thought.

Appalachian Trail & Have I Really Not Posted Since Wednesday?

Wow, that’s a stretch. I’ve tried to post daily since I started this blog (thanks to my friend Kim’s influence, since she blogged) in March 2010.

This was a trying week. 

But yesterday, we took a turn for the better.

Dan, Skipper and I drove to Lake Tiorati and hiked part of the Appalachian Trail.

Yes, we did. About an hour each way or maybe more to this little stone shelter we have been to before.

Dan and his brothers--separately, with their friends--all know that path. I believe John, Mike, Dave and Pat all walked it.

Skipper, above. She noticed a frog---just like her sister, Figgy, would.

I have to get to work on a writing deadline. But it was so cool to cross paths with:

• People sitting around a campfire, their three tents pitched nearby.
• A large family--Mom, Dad, boys, girls, dog--who had started the trail on Feb. 14 in Georgia and were still going. Wow.
• Two fellows who had walked from Harpers Ferry, West Virginia.
• One man who was setting up his tent after 6, when we were heading back to the car. He was on a four-day walk, and drove to the Trail from Great Barrington, Massachusetts.

Rocky underfoot. Keep your eyes on the road. Watch your step. Follow the trail markers (unless you are prepared to carve a new path). Stop, look up and enjoy the mountain view. Notice the frogs. Take a break. Eat a snack. Know your own strength.

All apply to life as we know it.

I’m thankful for Dan taking us on this hardscrabble path, and showing us the beauty. I think this is what he imagines Heaven will look like (though not entirely sure he believes in Heaven).

Note to self. Next time, use fanny pack, not cross-body handbag. 

Signing Off for the Night

The next flower-titled story is #29, Hydrangea.

This morning, I started writing #29, Hydrangea, in my Medium flower-titled story series about sugar/overeating addiction recovery.

But as happens some days, I thought I HAD BETTER get dressed and get ready for the day rather than sink into the writing, which will often take several hours. I thought I’D BETTER get out of my sleepwear, shampoo my. hair, put on a skirt and top. GET UP from my perch on the green living room couch.

Then, as also happens, I didn’t. I DIDN’T get dressed and ready until 6:30 p.m. And I DIDN’T do the writing, either.

I like to stop on the sugar/overeating journey IN THE MOMENT to capture the feelings and the progress in real time. But I cannot always do that.

My mind sashays back and forth: You HAVE TO get dressed first. You SHOULD get dressed first. 

Then, you have other writing assignments to do. You SHOULDN’T take that long luxury of time to do the story series.

I feel good writing the stories in the series.

 I have to find the right balance.

So here I am at 9:25 p.m. At least my hair is freshly shampooed.

TCOY

1. Healthy eating included: Ezekiel English muffin, Fage 0 percent Greek yogurt (sooo good), raspberries, blackberries, almonds, Dan’s tofu stir-fry, Chinese shrimp and veggies.
2. Important work re. Skipper’s return--thinking, praying, talks with Dan and Mimi.
3. Important texts.
4. Nice nap.
5. Weekly journaling group on Zoom, 8 p.m.

Beyond Words

I hsve PTSD from the 2.5 hour drive home with Punch.

Really bad.

Unhealthy nighttime eating behavior just now likely cancelled out today’s TCOY:

1. 3 mile walk at 3 pm w Mimi, Punch and Belle--through woods, by lakes.
2. Healthy B, L & D, including chicken, avocado, Dave’s Bread, local tomatoes, apple slices, almond butter.
3. "On Point’ radio show before car ride turned hellish. Poems read beautifully by Irish theologian and poet Pádraig Ó Tuama.    

Tomorrow, fresh start.

Bath, Bed & Beyond

Must pull the curtains on this day. Lock the door, zip the purse, close the kitchen, cover the pool, park the car, shut the book, hang up the dog leash, slam the fridge, turn off the sprinkler, shut down the computer, put the lid on the cookie jar, turn off the light, fasten the clasp, blow out the candle, close my eyes. (The only item I don’t really own on that list is a pool.)

Good nite.

Now Must Add Another Nightcap: What I Ate

One beautiful cookbook, with recipes for everything from
broiled grapefruit halves to lemon panna cotta.

My eating has gotten out of control in this coronavirus pandemic, with the stress of a changed schedule and location for Punch's schooling [now in our home] and for my work--or my efforts to send out pitches, apply for jobs, get work. I'm like a scattered hunter and gatherer at mealtimes and in between.

Tracking my spending since January 2019 has made me more watchful, so I think this will help, too--though it's a lot of data to expect myself to record--and you to read--every night. And unlike money, which I can go back and doublecheck figures on, thanks to receipts and online banking, I can't do that with food.

So now, in addition to daily reports of TCOY [Take Care of Yourself] and $ MONEY SPENT OUT OF POCKET, I will be writing what I ate.

I hope it will help. Something's got to give. Last night, Dan came back from his shopping run with a bottle of Baileys Irish Cream and we poured it over ice. He also bought one pint of ice cream, which I try to avoid, but it was perfectly softened and melty, the way it gets when it's been in the grocery cart and the car for a while. Before I knew it, I had a silver teaspoon in hand and half the pint was gone.

FOOD [Be afraid. Be very afraid. This is not all healthy, home-cooked food like our friend Kim lists.]

• Coffee, ratio 1/3 whole milk to 2/3 java.
• Lunch, 2 pm, 3 slices Provolone, 20 whole-grain saltines, 6 paper-thin slices prosciutto, 1 oz.? fresh mozzarella, 1/2 cup deli potato salad, salted cashews.
• Second coffee, same way.
• Large ice waters.
• Dinner, 7 pm, not too much of a frozen pizza, green salad with a little blue cheese dressing.
• Bedtime, 9 pm, 1 nice cold clementine.
• 10 pm, felt a little hungry, went downstairs and had small bowl of Grape-nuts with whole milk and a splash of cream. Then for good measure, a glass of whole milk.
• 11 pm Punch wild and not going to sleep. I was drifting off. I can't stand this. I need rest. But is food armor? Went downstairs. 6 whole-grain saltines, 4 slices Alpine Lace reduced-fat Swiss, last 2 paper-thin slices prosciutto.

TCOY

1. Called a number to explore more help for Punch.
2. Called her friend's mom to talk and share my upset.
3. Salad, clementine.
4. Talked to Sis.
5. I took great pleasure in making Lemon Panna Cotta with All the Summer Berries from the Prune cookbook--well, the berry part comes tomorrow. Earlier this week, Kim and another friend shared the link to the NY Times piece about Prune restaurant facing closure after 20 years. I had never been there, but googled the cookbook. Then, on my neighborhood Facebook group, Lotta said she was putting 5 books out on her steps yesterday for giveaway. She posted a photo. I didn't see the post til almost 8:30 pm, but the big pink Prune book was still there when I ran down to Lotta's steps! It has a $45 cover price, and I love it. Such wit, the way it is written, and such fresh and wonderful recipes. L.O.V.E. I cut back the sugar, used the advised zest of 2 lemons and hope it thickens as it chills tonight. Not sure I did it right. Plan to serve tomorrow after dinner with All the Summer Berries.

$ MONEY SPENT OUT OF POCKET

• ZERO.
• Total monthly spend as of April 30: $2,143.19.
• Avg daily spend: $71.44.

Compare to previous months:

March--the effect of coronavirus quarantine and not working in NYC for now

Total monthly spend as of March 31: $1,916.15.

Avg daily spend: $61.81.

February

Total monthly spend as of Feb. 29: $2,480.34.
Avg daily spend: $85.53.

January

Total monthly spend as of Jan 31: $3,063.60.

Avg daily spend: $98.83.

December 2019 [Christmas and all that entails]

Total monthly spend as of Dec. 31: $3,998.16. 

Avg daily spend: $128.97. 

November

Total spend for November (30 days): $2,979.03. 

Average daily spend: $99.30. 

October

Total spend for OCTOBER 31 days: $2,495.36.

AVERAGE DAILY SPEND: $80.49.

September

TOTAL SPEND FOR SEPTEMBER (30 DAYS): $2,214.43.

AVERAGE DAILY SPEND: $73.81.

August

TOTAL SPEND FOR AUGUST (31 DAYS/PLUS VACAY IN HERE): $2,895.06. ⬆️

AUGUST AVERAGE DAILY SPEND: $93.39.  ⬆️

Nuthouse

This sheltering at home is a loooooong haul, and rainy, cooped-up days like today are not making it any easier.

Punch is driving us nuts. I understand that her hormones must be raging and that she misses her friends and school. She just turned 13 on March 11. Her oppositional behavior is heightened, to put it mildly.

On top of that, Dan was in a melancholy mood today, so I did most of the adulting--though he did make a run to Kings for groceries.

Figgy, who is good as gold and very kind and patient with Punch, is also being driven crazy by little sister. [Punchy, I know you don't care to read my blog now, but if you read this as an adult, I hope you understand. We are all stuck together, and you are pushing every button. You say we are not your family, that Figgy, who adores you, is not your sister. It is very, very hard. We love you, but you are frequently mean to us. I wish you could take out your anger in a healthier way. Sometimes, you jump on the big trampoline we got you for the backyard. You look so happy and free. I am going to encourage you to do that daily.]

Punch's high jinx today, much of the list not funny:

Snow flurries.

• She found an old bag of Buffalo Snow Flurries, left over from happy holidays gone by, and sprinkled some on me and Dan, separately, and into our hair. She did this on the sneak. I later noticed some in her hair, too.
• Made one big clear gelatin cube with strawberries in it. Scattered pink strawberry sugar on top. It was pretty.
• Possibly did not swallow her nighttime meds because she wants to stay up late. I tried to watch like a hawk, but....
• Is making things crazy when we enforce her laptop limits. [She never had a laptop, but when my kind neighbor heard Punch and I were sharing mine for homeschooling, she lent us hers. It is a blessing and a curse.]
• Uses foul language. A lot.

I took a walk around the block in the rain, with an umbrella, at 8 pm. I think I better get back to going to Sunday Mass....online. I think I need snippets of spirituality for my sanity and perspective.

TCOY

1. While watching The Brady Brunch on ME TV [4 back-to-back episodes every Sunday], I updated my LinkedIn profile, added article and video links, tweaked experience blocks, etc. Felt good. 
2. That walk around the block.
3. Talked to Sis a long time--today is her actual bday.
4. Baked some yams in the toaster oven. Ate half of one.

$ MONEY SPENT OUT OF POCKET

• zero.

Ongoing monthly spend as of April 26: $2,010.48.

Avg daily spend: $77.33.

The Good, the Bad + the Ugly

GOOD

• Zoom call last nite with 9+ college friends, now living all over, from Maine to Texas. So good to see familiar faces.
• 9 am FaceTime dr appointment today. We couldn’t check my blood pressure or get new lab work, but it was still helpful to get guidance and review numbers from last time. My nurse practitioner has 3 young boys [the littlest is under 2] and I like her.
• Nature walk today w Punch + Sug.
• Beautiful flowering trees.
• Figgy made spaghetti sauce.
• Wore my pink pineapple 🍍 top.
• Punch did well in math today--quiz on calculating area of rhombus, triangle, more.
• Heard on radio this morning that State of California was sending 500 ventilators to New York for coronavirus pandemic.
• Dan got some groceries.

BAD

• The whole terrifying situation, washing down grocery packages, cooking and then washing dishes and pans constantly, knowing we won’t see Sis for Easter this Sunday.
• Home schooling, not all the time, but a lot of the time. Today was better.
• Worrying about health of Moey, her aunt and her uncle. Moey's husband, Ted, seems okay.

UGLY

• Coronavirus supposed to peak in NY this week, and it’s already so bad.
• Our traits as a dysfunctional family are rearing their ugly heads more and more. It is really hard to be marooned like this. We all have hissy fits and tantrums. We act spoiled and childish. Is dinner ready yet?  Get off your damn computer!  We are tired and scared. In between, we behave. Also, Dan tries to create special memories for us but it backfires because he also tries to control it all--chooses movies kids don’t like, makes dinner super late when it’s his turn, etc. This pandemic is enuf of a crisis without dealing with his dashed "happy family time" hopes. It’s exhausting. I know he comes from a good place but lower the bar, man. We are a messy group to tangle with, all of us, even in the best of times. I can only control my own behavior.
• A pack of Double Stuf Oreos came into the house--they’re vegan, so both P and F can eat them. I just ate 9.
• Punch won’t get into the shower, claiming she saw two ants in the tub the other day.

Good night.

Gaining Momentum

I set alarm again for 7 am. So far, in two days, Punchy's home-school performance has improved. Not surprising, since her "teacher" was sleeping late, dreading the day, crabby, cranky, jittery, pouring one cup of coffee after another.

Things look better now.

Punch did a family tree slide show in Spanish--they could make up a fictional family, and she did, mostly using photos of good-looking "Vampire Diaries" stars. Haha. She also did some math and science.

Prayers tonight for our friend, a dedicated doctor.

TCOY

1. Long phone call with Moey.
2. Talked to Sis.
3. Wore a sweater I like.
4. Had spinach at lunch; peas, corn and broccoli with dinner.
5. Made a yummy Melissa Clark roast chicken with croutons recipe, and Punch and I loved it.

$ MONEY SPENT OUT OF POCKET

• Vesta Chocolate, the new shop in town--ordered green matcha oat chocolate for P. She loves matcha, and I wanted to support the small business, $20.
• CVS, went for Punch RX, got 1/2 gallon Horizon organic whole milk, KIND granola, can of Amy's soup, lavender liquid hand soap for M; giant red tub of Folgers coffee; box of pasta; wet dog food; bag of fragrant bath salts, $27.87. This would have cost $14 more, but I had a coupon for $14 Extra Bucks.

Total daily spend: $47.87.

Ongoing monthly spend as of April 1: $47.87.

Life Intervenes

I have to buckle down to do my work. But life has a way of intervening.....Punch doctor checkup today at 3 pm., pizza bake-off prep for Sunday's block party.....I plan to do some work-work tomorrow, Saturday.

Good night to you.

TCOY Day 6 off Sugar Road

1. Overnight oats with berries.
2. Nice tuna sandwich on rye--I made and ate it before P's 3 pm dr. appt.
3. Did not eat a piece of the dessert pizza that Punch and her pal were testing tonight [for the bake-off].
4. Squirreled away a peach for breakfast tomorrow. Around here, fruit goes fast. Bananas, peaches, pears, fresh figs.....fast.

$ MONEY SPENT OUT OF POCKET

• Joyist, smoothie and wide metal straw with long skinny brush to clean it for P., delicious small Dina bowls for Figgy and for me, $33.
• Ah' Pizz gift card donation for pizza bake-off prize, $15.
• ShopRite, dessert pizza ingredients [I shared cost for those with P's pal's mom], 8 oz. lox x2, hummus x2, hummus snack cups x5, organic milk, organic half and half, multigrain tortillas, Cabot shredded Cheddar x2, pound unsalted butter, pasta, English muffins, sour cream, large jar Victoria marinara sauce, loaf of bread, 2 prepared Indian chicken tikka masala dinners with saffron rice, $83.72. [Geez, I see this is white carb/white fat heavy....]

TOTAL DAILY SPEND: $131.72.
RUNNING TOTAL FOR MONTH AS OF SEPTEMBER 20: $1,609.99.

AVERAGE DAILY SPEND SO FAR: $80.50.

Compare to last month:

TOTAL SPEND FOR MONTH OF AUGUST: $2,895.06. ⬆️

AUGUST AVERAGE DAILY SPEND: $93.39.  ⬆️

Big-ticket 🎟🎟 September spends:

🎟 Citarella at Hudson Yards, NYC, dinner; plus fresh fruit, etc. to bring home, $35.

🎟 Whole Foods, groceries, including present for Fig and big yellow mum plant, $84.

🎟 Whole Foods, groceries, including salmon for dinner and an iced coffee from the barista, $63.

🎟 ShopRite, groceries, laundry detergent etc., $50.

🎟 Sky Zone [worth it, Punchy went with her nice friends], $25.

🎟 Joyist, $29.

🎟 Kings, groceries, $46.

🎟 Piazza della Sole, comfy, high-end shoes, half-price, $90.
🎟 Gasoline, twice, $52.
🎟 Chinese lunch with Sis, $33.
🎟 Grocery shopping in Connecticut w Sis, $48.
🎟 CPAP dr. co-pay, specialist, $50.
🎟 Whole Foods again, including 3-pack soy candles, pound smoked salmon and Hydro Flask for Punch, $166.
🎟  Jackie's Grillette treat, casual dinner and soft drinks for three, plus tip, about $45.
🎟 Salon 212 blowout plus tips for job hunting Friday, $45.
🎟 Kings, prosciutto, fresh mozzarella for women's group platter, $58.
🎟 CVS, melatonin gummies, milk, Listerine, $30.
🎟 Kings, 1/2 gallon organic milk, 1/2 gallon oat milk, yellow baby potatoes, teriyaki sauce, Cabot shredded cheese, fresh black figs, 1.38 lb flank steak, etc, $48.
🎟 Kings again, groceries, $39.
🎟 Chez Josephine dinner with Candy and Allegra, $60.
🎟 Duane Reade, emergency makeup in Port Authority, $25.
🎟 Prize donation for pizza bake-off, 2 gift cards, total $30.
🎟 ShopRite, bake-off ingredients for girls plus a lot of groceries, $84.
🎟 Healthy Friday afternoon Joyist for Punch, Figgy and me, plus metal straw with cleaning brush, $33.

Struggling to Keep That Bottled Cape Feeling

Ship in a bottle LINK FROM HERE.
Dad had one of these down on his workbench in Dumont.
I wonder where it went.

I've been home for 16.5 hours [counting overnight sleep] and things are stressful again.

It's 7:57 a.m. I set my iPhone alarm for 6:30 so Punch could proofread her essay on 12 Angry Men. The kids write it online in Google Classroom and then submit it to the teacher by clicking TURN IN. [I'm not sure what happens if kids don't have access to internet.]

Punch sent it last night when I hadn't proofread it with her; grade also based on punctuation, capitalization etc. Then she told me she couldn't go back in and fix it.

That was a fib.

After I got back from event at 9ish, she told me the truth, and we decided to set the alarm so she could get up early and edit.

She would not wake up. I dragged myself out of bed--Dan had done the last two mornings while I was on the Cape--and now Punch stayed under the covers. I went down to make coffee, with my beans from the Hot Chocolate Sparrow. I ate a small pink foil-wrapped chocolate heart, the last two Triscuits, some chocolate chips. Ranging around for quick jolts of energy, no time to make hot cereal. I microwaved two small blueberry muffins for P. I took Sugar out.

I walked up and down the stairs four times. Still no luck. Turned on the bright light in Punchy's bedroom. Pulled her top cover off.

Near my wit's end, I stood outside and repeatedly rang our doorbell, which chimes upstairs, right outside Punchy's door.

This annoyed her but ultimately got her up, yet not until she threw a sneaker my way, cursed and subsequently lost social interactions tonight. [She loves seeing friends for sleepovers, etc.]

On the Cape, I said to Anne, I want to be able to tap into this feeling at home.

So much for the pure air in my lungs, the clean, unspoiled nature, the breeze in the sea grasses. The centering. The peace.

I was back all right, mired in stress. No more screened window open to brisk air, old trees and bird calls.

But I'm happy and relieved to tell you that I pulled myself together and did not lose it.

I reflected and prayed for grace while on the Cape, so as not to lose my temper at home. Grace delivered. 

That is the gift of traveling far from daily life--the gift of perspective. The time and space to contemplate.

I did say several times this morning, Ok, you won't get to fix it, and your grade will be bad, but I guess I was ready to let Punch own that. She is a good student; she cares about her grades and is proud of her successes.

I was downstairs on my laptop on the couch. She sidled up to me at about 8:05, saying, Do you want to fix it?

I had her polish it. Check spelling [change there to their, etc.]. I'm proud of her, and really like what she wrote about 12 Angry Men. [She had started it Wednesday night, with Dan, but it was due today.]

Then I sent her off to the bus stop around the corner. Now that middle school looms in September, we let her walk on her own to the bus sometimes.

Oh, she also used the land line to call Figgy--who slept over at her pal's last night--to ask about wearing Fig's striped shirt to school. Fig said an emphatic no. Punch wore it anyway, though I urged her to take it off.

Enjoy your day.

Everything Dance

I had a happy chore today--driving to a little storybook shop on Bloomfield Avenue in Caldwell, a shop called Everything Dance.

It's a sweet window of time in the mothering of a child when you get to choose dance leotards and tights, little skirts and scrunchies.

I didn't take dance classes as a girl...but I would have loved the pinks, the tulle, the tights. The grace of ballet! Silk ribbons, sleek buns. Sis took some classes, but I was the youngest of four and certainly by then, my parents didn't spend extra money on lessons and things. [To their credit, they saved money...and built a house on Cape Cod.]

I had to get the right black leo and footless tights for Punch to match her talent show partner when they dance [for exactly one minute and 16 seconds] to part of "Crazy in Love" by Beyoncé and rapper Jay-Z Thursday evening. I also found two really cute Capezio short wrap skirts in a gauzy safari/animal print, originally $27 each, marked down to $10. 

It is almost 10 p.m. now, and I want to take a relaxing bath. I'm tired and stressed from all of Punchy's stuff this week--Black History Month poster, talent show rehearsals, homework, play dates, after-school activities--in addition to looking for full-time work and keeping up with writing assignments. But I did walk around the block once today and join my friend Elly for a one hour! walk at the park. Invigorating. And: I stared down sweets, enjoyed good coffee and had some slender asparagus with dinner. Good night to you.

$ MONEY SPENT OUT OF POCKET

• Parking meter, 50 cents.
• Lattes at LOCAL for Elly and me, plus jar tip, $11.
• Turkish shop next to LOCAL, pretty hand-blown blue glass tumbler, the better to drink milk from, $15.40. 
• Post Office, mailed two items and bought sheet of 20 Gregory Hines stamps [55 cents per stamp], $12.30.
• Sandwich Theory, bag of salt & vinegar potato chips [300 cal]; smoked turkey, pear, Brie and fig jam pressed on multigrain bread [hot]; medium container of egg salad for still recovering Dan to have with Saltines; and $1 jar tip, about $15.
• Everything Dance, short-sleeve black leo, footless black tights, two Capezio dance skirts, $61.
• Whole Foods, large bunch bananas, pink hyacinths, daffodils, Ezekiel bread and sesame burger buns, half & half, $24.54.
• Partial payment to babysitter/friend, $40. [We usually run up a large bill and pay all at once, which is fine with Elaine and with us, but I like to keep making a dent in it.]
• Paid parking ticket from Feb. 9 online, including $1 convenience fee, $31.
• Tumble Techs Gymnastics, hourlong drop-in class for Punchy, $16.
• At gymnastics, vending machine snacks for Punch and pal, plus one bottle water, $4.

TOTAL: $230.74.

School Library Lens

I helped out at the school library again today, from 9:45 to 12:30.

Big Nate and Harry Potter books move fast. Sometimes I want to stop, flip through and read--today, a biography of Steven Spielberg [I didn't know he lived in NJ as a child!] and a cookbook of Mexican recipes. [Punch loves flan, has had it in restaurants, and the recipe in this book called for just 1/2 cup sugar, not too bad. Didn't have time to make a copy; will Google for something similar.]

Hell, I would love to sit there a whole day or a few days with good lighting and a comfy chair and just read.

I give the kids the benefit of the doubt if the system says they have an overdue book--or they can't take out a new one.

It says you took out Ivy + Bean in December 2018. You will return that, right?

Then the child either says earnestly I returned that already, it's in the box or I think it's home on my book shelf. 

I understand, because Punchy was often in the same situation, and then I would find a book at home stamped with the school library name in black.

This morning, a cute boy with freckles said he had returned a book.

His pal, a boy about a head taller, with floppy brown hair, standing close by his side, said, He reads a lot. He reads all the time.

It was touching, the friendship, the way the one boy vouched for the other. So sweet. Boyhood. And sure enough, the librarian found the missing book.

Have a good night.

$ MONEY OUT OF POCKET

• We let Punch put in a Starbucks mobile order that she picked up on the drive to school. She also got a lunch box, with fruit, sandwich, raw vegs. $14.55.
• Convenience store to get 3 bananas, milk and small, 50-cent bag of Dipsy Doodles. $6.60.
• Starbucks, walking distance from school, for lunch, snacks, grande drink--I was hungry after library, had money on Starbucks app and was going back to school at 2:10 for early dismissal due to snow. $22.66.
• Received email from Glendarragh Lavender Farm in Maine, with SPRINGCLEAN free shipping code, which saved $12. Glass bottle of liquid hand soap and glass refill bottle with twice that amount. That farm, and the products, are beautiful --and glass tops plastic, of course. $31.

DAILY $ TOTAL: $74.81.

Come In, Saint Anthony

He is the patron saint you call when you lost something and need to find it.

I lost the pet, the tiny Russian hamster, Mochi.

He's only been here since early January, when Fig's friend moved to Chicago and needed a home for Moch. Punchy was delighted.

I woke around 2:30 a.m. to go to the bathroom. As I often do if I'm up in the dark, I went into Punch's room to be sure she had enough covers on. I added the striped fleece one on top. As we all heard on the news, the temp was dropping to single digits overnight.

Mochi's cage is near a window, and I often pull it away a little because drafts can come through.

This time, I pulled the whole little table from the window, afraid Moch might somehow freeze.

A piece of that colorful plastic cage tubing fell off. I put it back on the table, not wanting to turn the light on and wake Punch. I didn't realize it was part of the maze Moch lives/lived in. Fig & Punch have separate treat sacks, balls, etc. that they put the hamster in temporarily, when cleaning his cage, etc. Plus, I was blurry-eyed and exhausted.

Punch woke up calling, Annie, come up right now. Mochi is gone. Annie!

I screwed up big time, but with good intentions. I was trying to keep Punch and Mochi warm on a frigid night, and now we don't know where he is.

Mom, he could literally be anywhere in the house, Fig said.

She set a few of those safe mouse traps with his treats in Punchy's bedroom, but I don't have high hopes. I feel terrible.

Oh, and I also lost something else this morning. My patience in the face of a fifth grader's defiance to wear her college sister's adult-cut shirt to school--and my ability to be present.

Good luck to us all. Two-hour school delay due to cold.