Lost Day

Is a day lost if you basically did bumpkus? It is a Saturday, after all. It's not like I have big projects [book proposal, insurance claim forms, piles of paper and mail, major life changes toward better health] to take on or anything. Yeah, right.

H. worked at two parties writing 60-Second Novels--one in the day, one right now in White Plains--so he has the car. Figgy was at our stripped-down house, where our good friend John Werner*, a filmmaker and scriptwriter [in addition to master griller I wrote about on Memorial Day] was making a movie for a contest. The category is film noir. You have a weekend to film and edit. He has to deliver it to NYC by tomorrow at 7 P.M. Figgy was there for about 9 hours, helped take pictures, and said it was really cool. Now she went to a friend's in Montclair. H. has been brainstorming with John and our close friend Michael on the film a couple nights this week. Michael, a brilliant attorney by day, had a role.

Kudos to them--and I mean that sincerely. But that previous graph is just a preface to the fact that I was here at the condo alone since 9 A.M. I had planned to: Take a bike ride, take Sug for nice long walk, start working on my book proposal, research/send out article pitches, submit research backup for another article I did, call State Farm. I chose not to go to Montclair, to the fun and camaraderie of film making. Probably not wise--if I spent a day alone when we lived at our house in Montclair, I could always walk 25 minutes into town, to the cute shops and the Starbucks. Here in Clifton, the closest and pretty much only things I can walk to are the TickTock Diner or the Catholic church.

Not in the mood to seek solace in disco fries [with melted cheese and brown gravy, $5.95] or prayers, I fell flat and deflated.

Today's Great Accomplishments

1. Got Sug down the stairs and out the door three times so she could empty her bladder. But no walk for the furball, sadly.

2. Ate a bowl of organic granola.

3. Took my multivitamin and calcium pill, plus my medicine.

4. Slept. And figured that sleep is not such a bad drug of choice and instrument of escape. Was I depressed? Maybe. Could it have to do with back taxes owed to the IRS after H.'s two years of writing a book and how overwhelming that feels, even though H. acts like no problem, here's how we will be able to pay that? Yes. Or with the "dark truths" I faced yesterday? Also yes. Contemplated Edna St. Vincent Millay [pictured above, 1914], a writer from beautiful Camden, Maine whose poetry I love....she ended up addicted to morphine...her husband had to give her regular injections....sleep is safer than that, for sure. The view from Mount Battie in Camden is so stunning, I love it best of all. And on the castle-like lookout you see a plaque with Millay's words from "Renascence," said to be inspired by the view: All I could see from where I stood / Was three long mountains and a wood; / I turned and looked the other way, / And saw three islands in a bay.

5. Channel-surfed and found the last half of the 1995 Sabrina remake. Enjoyed it, never saw it before. But then learned on imdb.com that there was a part about Sabrina working at Vogue Magazine--wish I hadn't missed that. Would have loved it even more in the original Sabrina, with Audrey Hepburn.

6. Threw out the dead, leggy yellow pansies and planted nasturtium seeds in H.'s garden gnome [the one Figgy and I bought him on Cape Cod; it's holding two little flowerpots] and in some other planters on our terrace.

7. Had a turkey burger and some quinoa--sitting at the table, thinking of Geneen Roth's book title, When You Eat at the Refrigerator, Pull up a Chair.

8. Had some delicious maple bacon on whole-wheat bread with sea-salted butter. Sug had some bacon too.

9. Managed to put away the bag of soft, pure white, sink-your-teeth-and-your-problems-into-me marshmallows.

10. Drank refreshing ice water with a straw in a recycled Dunkin' Donuts cup.

11. Called State Farm insurance to face facts--again, just like with the IRS--about the time window we have to file personal property forms after the tree fell on our house. Again crystallized lesson: Break big overwhelming project into manageable parts to make it possible to complete. The young man on the phone said we can submit room by room, fax them in, so we don't have to do all the rooms at once. That sounds better, gives us an option.

12. Talked to my friend Anne, and to Barbara. Moey has a busy weekend.

13. Tried to reassure Dad about diapers he needed me to get tomorrow. But then H. went over between his two jobs and ended up getting them for him. When you feel bad, hard to help others who need you, and so you feel worse.

14. Saw the sunset, though against my will. Sug really had to go out.

It's 9:29 P.M., I still have a chance to turn this day around. Am about to take a shower, brush and floss teeth, gargle with Arctic Mint Listerine, make a to-do list for today/tomorrow, get dressed, put my rings on. Yes, I know that sounds strange.

I'm about to get dressed for the day at 9:29 P.M. Now I am reminded of my pretty niece, Leah, who lives in NYC, Upper West Side--not that she doesn't get up and get dressed before then, but she goes out for dinner starting at like 10 P.M. Those hip city girls.

Thank you for being there to listen.

Note: John Werner produced, directed and edited PROFILES OF THE PACIFIC, a series of short documentaries about the real-life marines featured in the HBO mini-series THE PACIFIC. The docus are airing on HBO and OnDemand, with special editions to be released on the DVD. Check his website: http://howlatthemoon.net.