I try and try to understand my Figgy. Things are complicated. Her road is not mine.
Was high school really hard for us? I asked Moey last night on the phone. She can be half my ears and mind, my eyes and heart, as she was by my side all through girlhood--on the track, the cross-country courses, at the dances, in the cafeteria, at CYO*. Yes, I do remember a broken heart or two, the way I pined for certain boys, some girls who were mean to us, Moey's steno pad, walking to school, the jeans we wore, learning to drive, movies, birthdays, lockers, awkward gym uniforms, and most of all, me dropping the mercury in chemistry class, which Moey never lets me forget. [It bounced all around the room.]
I pulled out my little green diary for hints about churning emotions, as I seem to have forgotten a lot. In studying the teen me, can I find insights into my beloved Fig? [I also need to eat more blueberries, which I hear are good for the memory.]
October 15, 1976 [age 15]: Senior Carnival was okay, but I missed the Haunted House. I wish I had a boyfriend so much...I'm so jealous of Jackie!
October 22, 1976 [age 15]: We got our school rings! Mine--purple on silver. I love it. It has to be turned 79 times since we graduate in 1979. I'm on 45. First is your best friend, 78th your enemy, 79th the boy you like. Irene will go in hospital Sun. for rib--hope she's ok. Charlie is staying over [Sis's friend].
I'd love to know--is your teen girl like you were as a teen? Do you understand her? Good night.
*Catholic Youth Organization--we had social nights and dances and trips.
TCOY
Was high school really hard for us? I asked Moey last night on the phone. She can be half my ears and mind, my eyes and heart, as she was by my side all through girlhood--on the track, the cross-country courses, at the dances, in the cafeteria, at CYO*. Yes, I do remember a broken heart or two, the way I pined for certain boys, some girls who were mean to us, Moey's steno pad, walking to school, the jeans we wore, learning to drive, movies, birthdays, lockers, awkward gym uniforms, and most of all, me dropping the mercury in chemistry class, which Moey never lets me forget. [It bounced all around the room.]
I pulled out my little green diary for hints about churning emotions, as I seem to have forgotten a lot. In studying the teen me, can I find insights into my beloved Fig? [I also need to eat more blueberries, which I hear are good for the memory.]
October 15, 1976 [age 15]: Senior Carnival was okay, but I missed the Haunted House. I wish I had a boyfriend so much...I'm so jealous of Jackie!
October 22, 1976 [age 15]: We got our school rings! Mine--purple on silver. I love it. It has to be turned 79 times since we graduate in 1979. I'm on 45. First is your best friend, 78th your enemy, 79th the boy you like. Irene will go in hospital Sun. for rib--hope she's ok. Charlie is staying over [Sis's friend].
I'd love to know--is your teen girl like you were as a teen? Do you understand her? Good night.
*Catholic Youth Organization--we had social nights and dances and trips.
TCOY
- Private Benjamin.
- Found OA meeting I hope to attend.
- Showered with nice shower cream.
Posts
that's a big question. I see my young self in both my girls in these ways:
ReplyDelete* The craving for love and romance.
* The complicated feelings around the body and beauty--both loving your bad sexy self and then in the next instant loathing the micro-problems you visciously detect.
* The sexual awakening.
* The negotiations around girlfriends of different personalities. Though I was more social than Y. with a wider circle of friends and less social than M. with a more intimate circle of friends.
* I recognize M.'s laziness with fashion -- really likes it, really doesn't feel like putting effort into it every day.
* Now that Y is getting older, I recognize that thrill and deep worry about where my life path is taking me. I also recognize the impatience for life to start happening. Of course, now I know that it was happening all the time...
Where there are profound differences:
* They are so much freer to articulate every little emotional shift in their hearts. In some ways, it is much healthier; in other ways, it is indulgent and wallowing.
* The whole social media thing is completely foreign, and completely compelling. I would have loved it as a teen but to write about all the ambivalence and envy I have on this part of their world would take way more time than I have here.
* Because of the omipresent media and their generation's lack of regard for privacy, addictive, often negative, trends are very powerful (cutting, eating disorders, substance abuse, sexual experimentation). If someone is doing something sketchy, it can get dangerously lauded and publicized, even if the person writing about it on her Tumblr blog is talking about the pain of it. I think this is part of why some of these dangerous trends catch like wildfire. And then, of course, they're not just a trend. Cutting, eating disorders, etc. have real habitual, addictive qualities. It's a very dangerous experimentation.
It's a dangerous time for them, in some ways more than ours, but I also think they're far more creative, more tolerant, and more worldly (in a good way) than I was. I don't know. It's a mixed bag comparing our youth to theirs. I think it always has been for mothers and daughters though.
That being said, I think it's very good to go back in time and find empathy for the young yearning girls we were once so as to better relate to the young yearning girls we are raising.
Honestly, Alice, I'd love to talk more about this. Do email me some days you might be in the city that we could grab a cuppa. xoxo
Kim, I really appreciate this thoughtful, insightful and wise response. I really do. I know, I want to talk to you in person. I will email you now.
ReplyDeletelove, alice