I think I'm making positive changes, then I fall on my face again. I would really like to get this erratic eating under control. It's causing me pain and making me scared. Today I stared down a lot of tempting things at Whole Foods--boxes of chocolate sandwich cookies, buttery crackers, Dancing Deer Molasses Clove Cookies [on a deep sale], fancy chocolate peanut-butter Easter eggs, rounds of rich, creamy cheese--and, along with the groceries I went in for, got a pack of seaweed rice crackers and one treat square from the bakery department.
I sat at the picnic table outside the store--to be public, not secretive or hidden in my car--and, sunglasses on, ate a couple of olives, some excellent ham, some rice crackers and the treat square. All the while thinking Betty Draper, Betty Draper, because her pretty blonde character had a big weight gain in the "Mad Men" series, and also I have to get to CVS for Fig's medicine and then get home to make dinner for Figgy, H. and Charlotte. But then, I ate the rest of the rice crackers in the car, feeling out of control. True, the whole package weighed less than 4 ounces, but I couldn't stop. Crunch, crunch, crunch. I thought the man in the car behind me on Valley Road must have thought me strange, as I mechanically stuffed crackers into my mouth at every red light.
So now here I am back home. Fig and Charlotte already ate bowls of leftover chili and H. isn't hungry yet. My plan for a healthy meal and steamed zucchini is out the window. I'm too full anyway to make room for virtuous veggies. I feel defeated but I know deep down that slipping up is part of the process. Tonight and tomorrow lie ahead. I think I better trust a Higher Power. I don't seem to be doing too well on my own. Click here to see what I mean--the painful Fritos post from over two years ago.
Higher Power, bring it on.
Good night, I think--though I have to work a few hours first.
TCOY
I sat at the picnic table outside the store--to be public, not secretive or hidden in my car--and, sunglasses on, ate a couple of olives, some excellent ham, some rice crackers and the treat square. All the while thinking Betty Draper, Betty Draper, because her pretty blonde character had a big weight gain in the "Mad Men" series, and also I have to get to CVS for Fig's medicine and then get home to make dinner for Figgy, H. and Charlotte. But then, I ate the rest of the rice crackers in the car, feeling out of control. True, the whole package weighed less than 4 ounces, but I couldn't stop. Crunch, crunch, crunch. I thought the man in the car behind me on Valley Road must have thought me strange, as I mechanically stuffed crackers into my mouth at every red light.
So now here I am back home. Fig and Charlotte already ate bowls of leftover chili and H. isn't hungry yet. My plan for a healthy meal and steamed zucchini is out the window. I'm too full anyway to make room for virtuous veggies. I feel defeated but I know deep down that slipping up is part of the process. Tonight and tomorrow lie ahead. I think I better trust a Higher Power. I don't seem to be doing too well on my own. Click here to see what I mean--the painful Fritos post from over two years ago.
Higher Power, bring it on.
Good night, I think--though I have to work a few hours first.
TCOY
- Nice shampoo, rare good hair day.
- Ice water in car, twice.
Posts
Rice cakes instead of fritos- surely that's progress. My latest incident involved chocolate donuts that weren't even good. Just remember, if you had a fender bender, you wouldn't drive the rest of the day as if accidents didn't matter. Every single time you consider eating you have the opportunity to get back on track.
ReplyDeleteAnd sometimes it's just too hard and you need to fill up.
Nan, thank you for your wise comment...again...especially this part: "Just remember, if you had a fender bender, you wouldn't drive the rest of the day as if accidents didn't matter." Wow. I like that a lot. Thank you, Nan. alice
ReplyDelete