The Good, the Bad & the Ugly

Good

1. Waffles made from whole-grain mix. 
2. A piece of palm from Palm Sunday Mass.
3. A supportive phone message.
4. Meeting Elly @ the track.
5. Figgy doing my hair and makeup and picking out my outfit--my Fig has a good eye. Says I wear the same things every day. Kind of true. Even though what she picked out for me was my high-heeled gold Coach sandals [on a rainy day] with my Gap black pants and Burberry shirt. ;) Heels got mired in mud. I really liked the way Figgy rolled up the sleeves of my blazer so the pink paisley lining showed.
6. Wine and supper with my friend Anne. We miss each other--we've both been pulled in other directions. It was so nice to catch up with my friend. So good to talk. Lovely. Anne's friendship is a nosegay of hope and love.
7. Skillet cornbread from NY Times Magazine.
8. How our spring flowers look in the drizzle.
9. "Desperate Housewives" and "Mad Men."
10. Delicate wash with Woolite.
    

Bad

1.  Missing Dad.

Ugly

1. Overeating. Too much, too soon. Must find a way to feel it, see it, skirt it, stop it. One Triscuit led to another, one granola bar led to a second. One small dish of ice cream led to a Klondike Bar. And this was all part of a late lunch at 2:30. Realize I can't let myself get overhungry because then I overcompensate. Not a nice way to treat my body and heart and lungs. I felt exhausted and disappointed in myself afterward, not nourished. Felt like a green one-eyed monster with warts. Don't want to hate myself or beat myself up. But that's how I felt. Maybe next time I won't want to feel that way, you know?
2. Fear of change. What will happen if I get better?
3. Fear of facing lifelong ally for various reasons, including anger.
4. People who never grew up. Want to shout: Go back in time! Fix it! Do over! But I am trying hard to be adult. Ugly road, full of potholes. Nails that can sink into your tires. Broken glass. No soft shoulder. Oil spills that can cause swerving.
5. Fear and uncertainty on a new path. Fear of being too hopeful, or too hopeless. Need to find balance. Fear of unknown.

Don't let this list fool you. Though Good list outweighs Ugly 3:1, I head to bed with a heavy heart. The ugly items weigh a lot and tip the scales. But listing and facing them may help a little. There they are in all their ugliness. So be it. And here Dad isn't. Good night.