Dear Dad,
Once again, I don't know what to say except that I miss you, and the world seems a lot less lively without you in it. It's not as funny, or as safe and sure.
So, what's it like? Where are you? Can you see my pain? My struggles? Improvements? Can you see our Figgy? Sissy? Or is assuming you see that making you into God? Is it just a Higher Power who can see those things?
It's hard to be without parents. It's like suddenly, you have to make even more of an effort to take care of yourself, watch out for yourself, because the two people who did that the most are gone. The hard thing is that this will never change. You will never be back. It's final. For the rest of my life, I am without my parents. Boom, that's it. It's not like when you're hoping to have a baby, and then it works out, that beautiful baby is born. No, this is a death, so there's really nothing to look forward to about it. It ain't budging.
Oh, I know, for years, I've heard statements like "You'll see him again in Heaven" or "he's with your mom now." But really? Doubt it. What, are there a trillion couples up in the sky? Do the clouds roll back and room upon room upon auditorium appears? Is there a red carpet--a star-sprinkled blue one? And what if someone was a bad husband, a rat? When the wife dies, will she be forced to see him again, beyond heaven's gates?
Well, Dad, we're heading back to Cape Cod within a week for our family vacation. I'm really looking forward to it, and trying to get some story pitches out before I go. I know you always checked in on my work. Thank you for that.
I love you, Dad, wherever you are. Please send me a sign.
Love always,
Al
TCOY
Once again, I don't know what to say except that I miss you, and the world seems a lot less lively without you in it. It's not as funny, or as safe and sure.
So, what's it like? Where are you? Can you see my pain? My struggles? Improvements? Can you see our Figgy? Sissy? Or is assuming you see that making you into God? Is it just a Higher Power who can see those things?
It's hard to be without parents. It's like suddenly, you have to make even more of an effort to take care of yourself, watch out for yourself, because the two people who did that the most are gone. The hard thing is that this will never change. You will never be back. It's final. For the rest of my life, I am without my parents. Boom, that's it. It's not like when you're hoping to have a baby, and then it works out, that beautiful baby is born. No, this is a death, so there's really nothing to look forward to about it. It ain't budging.
Oh, I know, for years, I've heard statements like "You'll see him again in Heaven" or "he's with your mom now." But really? Doubt it. What, are there a trillion couples up in the sky? Do the clouds roll back and room upon room upon auditorium appears? Is there a red carpet--a star-sprinkled blue one? And what if someone was a bad husband, a rat? When the wife dies, will she be forced to see him again, beyond heaven's gates?
Well, Dad, we're heading back to Cape Cod within a week for our family vacation. I'm really looking forward to it, and trying to get some story pitches out before I go. I know you always checked in on my work. Thank you for that.
I love you, Dad, wherever you are. Please send me a sign.
Love always,
Al
TCOY
- Boot camp in the soccer dome.
- Short walk with Sug.
- Healthy dinner with vegs.
Posts
Well Alice, once more your work shines with a little inspiration from Dad. It makes me think he must have indeed been very special and will continue to inspire you from above.
ReplyDeleteThe rest is all about faith.
In the end, I imagine your Dad would say: 'It's about believing in all love teaches you'! (And you must have been loved to feel such loss!)
One day you will understand!
God bless,
Hi Noelle...thank you for the note...yes, my dad was very special....i hope all is well with you....i appreciate your thoughts...best, alice
ReplyDelete