We can almost see the bottom of the couch now, Sugar, H. just said to the dog. Bags and bags later, you can catch a glimpse of the greenish sofa cushions again.
I've found some wonderful things and some I'd rather forget about forever [tough times, family illness, endless medical receipts and bills, Dad dying]. I like the way a friend from boot camp recently said It's behind us when someone asked her about a health problem in her family. I know it's not always the case that you can close the door and move on, but it is true that many hurdles are behind us, and I am deeply grateful for that. And the trials do turn into tiaras, if you will. I am stronger and have earned glittering diamonds--even if you can't see them--for the dark storms I've weathered. I can stand taller, be more helpful, be wiser, calmer. It may sound corny, but I think it's true. I can be light and bright and hopeful.
Some notable finds:
- Driving directions to Cape Cod house, handwritten by Dad in his very neat, all-CAPS hand in blue ballpoint pen on lined paper. I now know the directions by heart but will cherish that paper. A father pointing his daughter on the right road, the safe road. [When I got my first car, a used tan Chrysler Champ, Dad gave me a picture of bearded Jesus guarding drivers, to keep in the glove compartment. I miss Dad so much.]
- Figgy's drawings of girls, which progressed over the years from big-eyed little cuties to serious and sometimes sharp-edged ladies.
- List of colleges we thought Fig should consider. But she didn't waver from the ones she wanted.
- Daunting notes about fertility attempts before Punch came into our lives long ago.
- A photo of me at a work dinner with an associate. It must have been in 1998 or 99. I look so much younger and more vibrant--slimmer, too, of course. Is there a way to grow and learn from that photo rather than think I can never slim down and get healthy again? That's a tough call. You cannot recapture your youth.
- Business card of my second and very long-time therapist in NYC.
- A list of the generous, generous gifts my boot camp friends gave me when the tree fell through our roof and we had to move out in March 2010. They filled a workout bag with bottles of wine and gift cards for a pedicure/manicure; Sports Authority; Italian restaurant; movie theater; Starbucks; and more. I almost burst into tears when Patsy gave it to me after a class. My family was uprooted from our home for what would be eight months but I was deeply rooted in such a wonderful group of friends.
- Cards from Fritch, my friend since kindergarten, with whom I've lost touch. This troubles me.
- Note from Pat, my mother's cousin, who lives in Connecticut. She looked so much like my mother when I saw her last. I want to reconnect with her.
- Support group.
- Long talk with Lisa and Jane.
- Ate some kale salad. And for block party tomorrow, instead of bringing chocolate chip cookies and apple crisp [Punch requested both], I got pretty red and blue berries to pile in a bowl. Am still going to make the Neiman Marcus cookies in the morning.