Last night was ugly. I lost my temper, after a long and busy day. I think I have found it. But you can't take back the ugly words you say in rage and anger. It's too personal for me to elaborate on here, but let's just say it has to do with the unfair division of domestic labor in our household, and other things.
I regret my rage, I truly do, but I am grateful that I am clear-eyed enough to see it now and recognize it and take steps to avoid it. I did not bury it under frosting or cookies. I can see clearly now. And I don't want to get lost in a cycle of shame. I can only step forward.
If only I could believe that if I put that rage into calm words the people around me would hear me. That I don't have to shout and scream and curse.
Hope we all have a good Monday.
I regret my rage, I truly do, but I am grateful that I am clear-eyed enough to see it now and recognize it and take steps to avoid it. I did not bury it under frosting or cookies. I can see clearly now. And I don't want to get lost in a cycle of shame. I can only step forward.
If only I could believe that if I put that rage into calm words the people around me would hear me. That I don't have to shout and scream and curse.
Hope we all have a good Monday.
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Just wanted to drop a note because I know rage is so very lonely. Been there, been there, my friend. Calm words, especially when it sounds like you have a legitimate gripe, always works better in the end--or you become the story, not the thing you are trying to address. BUT it's SO HARD! I hear your plight and am thinking of you. xoxo
ReplyDeleteKim you hit the nail on the head. Yes, when you rage, you become the story and the original point is hugely overshadowed if not entirely lost. Thanks. :) brave smile
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