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Monday, February 4, 2019

My Heart Feels Small

But these things happened:
  • Dan brought me a bouquet of red and white roses.
  • I took a hot bath.
  • Applied a few drops of Detox Balancing Facial Oil to my cheeks, chin and forehead, and it felt good and looked even better. [The little bottle with dropper arrived in a box in the mail basket Saturday.]
  • Started raking leaf-carpeted backyard.
  • My dear friend/sitter Elaine delivered a big tray of homemade manicotti and a loaf of bread from an Italian bakery. She does this as a birthday gift every year. She makes the crepes by hand. Tastes so good. Angel.
  • I ate some broccoli.
  • I did not get a cupcake.
  • Had some ice water.
  • Read Travels with Alice by Calvin Trillin.
  • Reached out to pursue a job opportunity.
It is /is it? entirely possible that my heart feels small because I miss fine dark chocolate, marshmallows, cake, cake pops, cookies and pie. I did not make a Little Daisy Bake Shop stop, as I might have in the past if I felt low. Change is hard. I say fashion softens life--fluffy sweaters, smooth suede pumps are an asset to help you ease on down the road.

For a sugar addict, a pillowy donut or tender butter cookie holds the same allure. But the bitter truth is that the white stuff may feel like armor when life is hard but it really is not. For me, it tends to lead to the next bar, the next cake pop....and then I'm in a battle, a struggle to be free.

I can roll in a huge Trojan horse, Twinkies golden sponge cakes and Devil Dogs concealed inside, but in the end it's just me facing the sugar force. I cannot hide in a fake structure, a decoy. If so, I'm a moving target.

My ticker might also feel small--like a hardened Necco sweetheart/conversation heart--because of trying times with the short person to whom we are legal guardians. Tough times, some sweet messages in between. BE MINE.

  • Java Love, 5:15 p.m., large decaf latte; slender, crunchy chocolate biscotti; $3 Valentine's Day donation to help a group that supports adolescents in need; and $1.11 in tip jar. $11.11.
  • CVS w Punch for cough drops since her throat hurts a little and I also let her choose a candy bar [Payday]. $2.85.
TOTAL: $13.96.

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