Day 12, CPAP Doctor Visit

And...there's a Smashburger right next to his office. I usually get lunch after the appointment, before scooting on Route 80 West to the Parkway South to return to Montclair. Today I got a delicious mushroom Swiss truffle grilled chicken sandwich on small multigrain bun. No sides. In the past, I was greatly tempted and sometimes succumbed to the very good fries and milkshakes.

What's different by day 12 is that the cravings have decreased. I was not even tempted. That's a very big change.

I think my weight was a couple pounds down since my last visit to that doctor 6 months ago. [I subtracted for my Tory Burch silver sandals today.] Nearly two years in, my CPAP is working. It was a learning curve. But now my oxygen is good. I'm not tired all day. I no longer get up to pee during the night. Dan says I don't gasp for air and stop breathing anymore.

$ MONEY SPENT OUT OF POCKET

• Smashburger chicken sandwich and free cup of ice water, $8.95.
• Whole Foods Montclair again. I went for the lox, $19.99 per lb. I left with 18 items and a bill of $166.08. I also wanted to get Punch the Hydro Flask insulated water bottle she has wanted for school since August. When she and I were in this store the other day, there were only a few left, and today there were two. Fortunately, one was bright yellow, the color she wanted. Bottle, $29.95; good sourdough bread, $5.93; Boca vegan burgers, $5; half-gallon organic milk, $3.50; frozen toaster waffles, $3.50; chicken sausages, $7; pound of fresh figs!, $6; quart small local strawberries; 4-oz bag Hu Kitchen chocolate vanilla cashews, $7 [the 6 oz. bag online is $10 plus $10 shipping, so I figured this was good]; fancy cheese on sale, $6; lb. marinated salmon, $14; quart half and half, $3; big bag shelled walnuts, $7; and a splurge, but 3-pack of beautiful fall scented soy candles in jar, each burns 20+ hours, $32 [going for $35 + shipping at pfcandleco.com,]; feta cheese, $6; and 2 gallons water to use in my CPAP machine. But I think I better now stay out of Whole Foods for a while. PLANNED FAMILY DINNER FOR ALL OF US TONIGHT, MAKING BIG PLATTER WITH LOX, SOURDOUGH, GARDEN BASIL OLIVE OIL, CHEESES, NUTS, FRESH FIGS, THOSE SMALL STRAWBERRIES. I EVEN HAVE VEGAN "feta" CHEESE BUT IT'S NOT THAT GREAT.
• CPAP doctor/pulmonologist, specialist co-pay, $50.
• ATM bank fees, $7.
• Charity donation, Covenant House, $30.
• Java Love, Punch Love Child drink and a cookie plus tip, $7.47.

TOTAL DAILY SPEND: $269.50.

RUNNING TOTAL FOR MONTH AS OF SEPTEMBER 11: $992.42.

AVERAGE DAILY SPEND: $90.22.

Big-ticket 🎟🎟 September spends:

🎟 Citarella at Hudson Yards, dinner; plus fresh fruit, etc. to bring home, $35.

🎟 Whole Foods, groceries, including present for Fig and big yellow mum plant, $84.

🎟 Whole Foods, groceries, including salmon for dinner and an iced coffee from the barista, $63.

🎟 ShopRite, groceries, laundry detergent etc., $50.

🎟 Sky Zone [worth it, Punchy went with her nice friends], $25.

🎟 Joyist, $29.

🎟 Kings, groceries, $46.

🎟 Piazza della Sole, comfy, high-end shoes, half-price, $90.
🎟 Gasoline, twice, $52.
🎟 Chinese lunch with Sis, $33.
🎟 Grocery shopping in Connecticut w Sis, $48.
🎟 CPAP dr. co-pay, specialist, $50.
🎟 Whole Foods again, including 3-pack soy candle, pound smoked salmon and Hydro Flask, $166.

Better to Light Just One Little Candle

When I have enough cash with me, Punch and I light a candle or two in the back of the church after Mass. The suggested donation, to tuck into the metal box with the slit, is $4.

We have often lit one in memory of/in honor of:

• Her daddy.
• My daddy.
• Dan.
• My mommy.
• Her mommy.
• Figgy.
• Auntie/Don.

But today, after a hellish attempt at getting her to Mass, she stayed in the car. We were so late, I think I caught 10 minutes. It was long enough to pray, to breathe, to interact with another mom who is supportive.

And this time, I slipped a folded five dollar bill into that slot and lit one white pillar candle for Punchy. Just Punchy. She is acting out big time. It has been rough. Her birth mom had a baby girl a couple of weeks ago and Punch is dying to meet her. To have a role in her life. To hold her. To see her mom. To be important enough to be there. But we have been put off.

Our Punchy adores babies. She knows every baby on the block. She asks me if she is swaddling her [very realistic] baby doll properly, if I would have thought the clothes Baby is wearing would have been warm enough for Figgy when Fig was an infant.

She has a beautiful heart, arms eager to hold and catch that baby sister. She is earnest; she wants very much to be a role model. She is trying so hard to be worthy. Of course she is more than worthy!

Our Punchy’s little heart must be breaking. And that little baby's path may be unclear, too; I don't know.

God bless Alexa, I prayed as the flame caught and flickered. God, please bless Alexa. [I don't use the name Punchy when praying to God.]

Good night.

Off to Dreamland

I don't know if it's because darkness falls earlier now, but a highlight of my life is lighting a pretty Voluspa candle in Laguna scent [I bought it at Harney & Sons Tea Shop on Broome Street in SoHo] and drifting off to sleep. The days are busy and the evenings are, too, with homework for Punch, dishes, etc.

H. almost always falls asleep after me, so he blows the candle out. Right now, Punch is up late, but about to doze off to the sound of his reading Nancy Drew. They are right across the hall in our cozy little house.

We may have some dust bunnies and clutter, but I still love our home.

Good night.

TCOY

1. Walked around the block. I'm tellin you, I have to get back to more exercise! Have been busy, between work and travel.
2. Made a smoothie with banana, milk, ice, PB and La Maison du Chocolat Poudre de Cacao--deep, dark, delicious unsweetened cocoa powder from Paris, by way of the chocolatier's outpost at the Plaza Food Hall in NYC.
3. Nap to recharge while H. took Punch to a dr. checkup in afternoon.
4. Dinner at our friends' house. The Mernins! With red wine and fine cheese.