Lucky 7 List: Tuesday’s Child Is Full of Grace

Showy pink lady’s slipper, or slipper orchid. 

Wow. Do we really exist in a world 

with wild, slipper-shaped flowers? 

That’s lucky. Image and info link here. 

I started writing here in February 2010, when Figgy was 14, a high school freshman, and Punchy was 3 and back living with her birth mom. (My smart, long-time friend Kim’s blog set me on this blogging path.) 

I have seen darkness and light, and charted it here. Click for a few examples of posts about sadness and sunshine of the spirit.

Today I see graces around me. But facing life on life’s terms also brings an awareness that we all meet up with challenges, and trying days. It won’t just be the gentle wind at our backs every day. Sometimes the road will be rocky and slippery. (Yesterday was hard. From 3 to 5 p.m., a certain young someone had great difficulty regulating her emotions and holding a boundary. It was ugly and scary, I won’t lie. But it must have been ugly and scary for the young one, too.)

Graces, midday on Tuesday, March 21, 2023:

1. Child. Punchy started at a new out-of-district high school last week. I am so very very very very very very grateful. So is Dan, and the extended family that supports our Punch. They know who they are.
2. Beauty. I got my hair cut last week--a trim and shape-up by talented Linda at 212 Salon and Day Spa in Montclair. I’m grateful to have moderate funds for pampering: regular pedicures, special-day blowouts and, when I can no longer ignore the gray, single-process hair color. Then, every few months, if the stars are in their courses and the pennies in the purse, the big kahuna, the ultimate glow-up: Highlights by Chrystina at Boho Hair Salon. (I put live links here not because I earn money if you click on them. I don’t. But I want you to know of these places, too.)
3. Notes. Writing notes (mostly thank you notes, or letters to Figgy in Florida) is very important to me. When I’m not in a good mental state, I do not mail notes. I cannot muster up the energy or find the space for the process: pen to paper, good thoughts, Love, Alice or Love, Mima, lick the envelope, address it, press on a Forever postage stamp, put in our mail basket for carrier, David T., to send on its way. “This should get to her in three days,” David says when I put a card there for Figgy. If something is more urgent, I go to the Post Office, and I love that, too.
4. Fat cat. I adore that Nina, who just turned two. She is a storybook kitty, pretty green eyes and a playful spirit. Like Sugar Maureen, our Bichon Frise, Nina is my baby.
5. Skin. Less acne. My darn CPAP machine mask irritates my skin. I need the mask and machine so I keep breathing at night, but I pay for it with breakouts and redness. CeraVe Acne Control Cleanser, bought on impulse at CVS, seems to help. My dermatologist could not. Don’t ask.
6. Young adult. Figgy is doing well as far as I can see, and my heart lifts for that. It’s a fact mothers share: If one of your kids is suffering psychologically, physically, heartwise or in any other way, you are far less lighthearted and hence, less likely to count your graces. But I think counting our graces anyway on any day is a skill worth acquiring. When we do that, we don’t fall apart with our kids in their tough times. I have been prone to falling apart and losing my footing with a daughter or two, as though one sad, scared young person is not enough at any given time in a household.
7. Health care. Coverage is paid up to date. Years back, I had to call many times because our monthly payment was very high and hard to keep up with, and our coverage had been terminated. Thank you, Obamacare*. 

Graces are not just big things but also small ones, like a tiny daffodil raising its head in a ruffled bonnet or two adorable little sisters in the neighborhood walking their cute dog, who just happens to be wearing a sweater. 

May all of our days be sprinkled with graces. 

*Per Wikipedia: HealthCare.gov is a health insurance exchange website operated by the United States federal government under the provisions of the Affordable Care Act or ACA, commonly referred to as “Obamacare”, which currently serves the residents of the U.S. states which have opted not to create their own state exchanges.^{[1][better source needed]} The exchange facilitates the sale of private health insurance plans to residents of the United States^[2] and offers subsidies to those who earn between one and four times the federal poverty line, but not to those earning less than the federal poverty line.^[3] The website also assists those persons who are eligible to sign up for Medicaid, and has a separate marketplace for small businesses.

Rough Morning

Punch is pushing buttons and this has been hard.

Very hard. Even though we were only together yesterday from 4 p.m. on and then again this morning before school.

My therapist says Punch is in tremendous pain and I am the safest person to take it out on because she knows I'm not going anywhere--but that I should try not to take the bait when she pushes buttons.

Again, hard.

Today I had an appointment for 12:30 for a blowout by Rachel at Gumdrop Hairdressing on Church Street. I had been looking forward to my smoothing, softening treat.

4 factors converged to prevent it:

1. Needed to get cash at Chase Bank. No parking spots nearby. Had to walk a bit.
2. Bank system down. Minutes ticked on.
3. No metered parking spots open near salon. Found one in front of Salvation Army and parallel parked about 2 feet from curb. Quickly fed nickels, dimes and quarters into meter.
4. Ten steps from salon, hurrying in my black Tory Burch wedge heels, heard my phone ring. The appointment booker said Rachel couldn't take me. It was 12:45 and she had a client at 1:15. Could I come back at 4? I just found a parking spot, I pleaded. Can she do it quickly? But Rachel is a pro and perfectionist, so that wouldn't work. Instead, a young woman named Fallon, with pretty, long, gently twirled silver-blue hair, shampooed my hair and styled it. I was grateful for every knead of my scalp, the gentle rush of water, the lovely, fresh scent of the lather. The round brush, the dryer, the hairspray.

TCOY

1. Caught up with Punchy's Mimi. She was a helpful and supportive sounding board with a firm boundary idea for Punch. I also asked her if she can go back to taking P one weekend a month. Things got off course w Mimi's and our travel plans, P's soccer and activities, etc. But as I told Mimi today, I need her support. Dan and I both do.
2. Made important phone call, left message.
3. Walked my fur ball.
4. The blowout!
5. Green salad and iced coffee from Cafe Giotto.
6. Lit candle on mantel.
7. With Dan traveling and P at Mimi's til Sunday, Figgy and I got to talk. I missed her!
8. About to wash face, get in bed and read book group book.

$ MONEY SPENT OUT OF POCKET

• Parking near bank, 50 cents.
• Parking near salon, about $1.50.
• Blowout plus tip, $48.
• Cafe Giotto, green salad with apple and walnuts, iced coffee, bag of freshly baked mini chocolate biscotti [$10] to bring next-door to Rachel as a thank you [she lost the appt. and the tip], plus $3 in cafe tips, $26.45. 

TOTAL DAILY SPEND: $76.45.
RUNNING TOTAL FOR MONTH AS OF MAY 17: $1,359.10.
MAY AVERAGE DAILY SPEND: $79.94.

Punchy's 10-Day School Break Begins Tomorrow

Ten days is a long time and I'm hoping we get away for one or two nights to maybe Philly, Boston, Catskills, somewhere....for a change of pace and because I have always liked widening my girls'--and my own--horizons during school vacations.

And because the thought of keeping P busy without the structure of 6 schooldays is a bit daunting.
But such is the life of two freelance writers who do not use credit cards. We are both waiting on paychecks. I even cancelled my blowout for tomorrow to save the $40 plus tips. [Friday was the closest appointment I could get to Easter Sunday.]

We shall see what the mail carrier--and direct deposit payments--brings. [Should that be bring or brings?]

Good night.

TCOY

1. 7 a.m. support group.
2. Walked Sug around the block.
3. Nap on couch.
4. Bath with fizzy.
5. Walked in and out of town [about 40 min. round trip] with my laptop, to work and write.
6. Ate healthy food.
7. From 5 to 6 p.m., I watched an episode of the original "Charlie's Angels" show on MeTv. [I had dropped P. at soccer practice in the park at 4:45 and asked Dan to get her at 5:45.] I loved it, even though I can see that the beautiful leading actresses were objectified to some degree in clothes like the sailor-collar midriff on Jaclyn Smith in final scene. But I love Charlie's voice over the intercom, Farrah's truly sunny beauty, the bell-bottom jeans, all the details.

$ MONEY SPENT OUT OF POCKET

• Joyist, clean, healthy space with no piles of dead backyard leaves begging [through my home office window] to be raked, bagged and hauled to curb. Big Buddha Bowl with beets, squash, kale, hard-cooked egg and tahini dressing, plus hazelnut energy bites, $23.
• Joyist, large organic cappuccino in tall to-stay cup. Delicious treat, $6.

TOTAL DAILY SPEND: $29.

MONTHLY SPEND AS OF APRIL 18: $2,442.28.
AVERAGE DAILY SPEND SO FAR THIS MONTH: $135.68.

Big-ticket April spends so far, 18 days into the month:

Lamp, $79; luxe hand cream, $55; Giotto dinner to go + jar of imported Italian artichokes, $46; dog groomer/beauty salon, $75; vet for hamster, $157; necklace repair, $128; blowout, $55; Over the Moon, bday gifts for Punch friend + book for me, $60; Kings groceries, $132; liquor store, $32; bra/underwear/tights, $126; Joyist, $39 one day while working on assignments there; second blowout w service tips, $52; Punchy, Lululemon, $28; Justice, bday gifts and gift bag/pink tissue for Punch friend + shorts for Punch + $2 donation at register, $58; Kings groceries, $63; Joyist, $25 one day while working on deadlines; bike delivery, $35; Whole Foods, $69; CVS & Kings, Easter gifts/basket treats [counting lemon curd for tarts], $97. Steep subtotal of $1,411.

MONEY THOUGHTS: The money monster comes to bite; didn't want to cancel my blowout. Will try and blow-dry hair myself tomorrow but my feeble attempts can never hold a candle to professional smoothing. Glad I got the Easter cards/candy/gifts in case checks don't come before Sunday....we still have to get rest of the meal and should have enough cash to be covered for that.

MY TOTAL MARCH SPEND OUT OF POCKET: $4,128.41.
COMPARE TO TOTAL FEBRUARY SPEND OUT OF POCKET: $3,159.25.

Best-Dressed Parents at the [Fire]ball 🔥🔥

I have a lot of work to do but can't resist a quick post about last night's Fireball, the fundraiser that happens every three years for Nishuane and Hillside Schools in Montclair. [Nishuane is grades K to 2; Hillside, the feeder school, is grades 3 to 5. Punchy went to both and is in her last year. We have loved these schools.]

The big-ticket fundraiser was held this year at The Grove, a gilded catering hall in Cedar Grove. The event raises money to buy computers and other important things for the two public schools. 

The night features a silent auction, live auction [winning bid for your child/children to ride to school in a police car, nearly $1,000], raffle baskets and more. Dan and I were drawn to a table with a wine bottle pull and gift card pull. [Sis did the wine bottle pull when we went to an event in Connecticut. You pay a flat flee and choose a gift-bagged bottle, ranging from ordinary good to high-end $$ excellent.] We each paid $20 and chose a sealed envelope from a selection that included gift cards valued at up to $50. My lavender envelope revealed a $25 Target gift card! Dan pulled a $15 Fandango [movies] gift card.

As I've mentioned, our early-bird tix were $90 each; full price was $125. Dan put on a nice Ted Baker suit and dressy black shirt. I wore a vintage black knit dress I found at a thrift store in Princeton back when Figgy was sick and attending a day program near there.....actually, I bought it for Dad's funeral [it was March 2011], since he died right in the midst of her illness. The dress is feminine and pretty with an open neckline and a Missoni knitwear look near the hem, which hits several inches above the knee.

But the young[er] moms! Wow! 💄👩🏻‍🎤 💅🏻💍👗👗👠👡 Here's where I feel the fanning flame of mothering a fifth grader at age 58. Now, some of these parents, like a couple we know, were there to support the K to 2 school, Nishuane....they have two children, 5 and 3 years old, so they are just starting out in the school system, with a kindergartner.....I swear, the mom reminded me a lot of Moey’s daughter, Laura, who is 23 and gorgeous.

Check these looks, some on mothers closer to my age than to 30:

• Off-the-shoulder evening gowns, the better to see soft, youthful skin and arms toned from the gym, lifting babies or both.
• White bodice/black bottom above-knee cocktail dress with full skirt and high silver sandals on dedicated, hardworking & charming PTA President Leslie Wade, who has a daughter in Punchy's grade. The sleeveless dress was so pretty, with a fabric rose perfectly perched on the left shoulder seam. [I had time to observe the dress details closely because Leslie was leading the ceremony.]
• Black lace top, skinny tapered pants and high heels on one mom friend--she also had some strands of beautiful "fairy hair," a trend in town. I forget the fairy hairstylist's name, but she comes to Montclair and charges about $40 to put strands of fairy color/glitter in your hair and it lasts for months! It started with the daughters but then the moms wanted it. It looks so pretty in mom C's long brunette hair with highlights and in other mom C's long and lovely curly blonde hair. I want fairy hair, too, and plan on getting it. [Mom, these are things that rich people do, Figgy just said when I told her. I offered to treat her to fairy hair, too. But my two friends who have it are hardworking, not rich, I told her. You have to stop being chronically irresponsible with your money, Fig said. It doesn't make you a bad person, it's just something you have to keep working on. I don't know if she reads my blog, with $pending details.]
• Short, bright, feminine and sleeveless Lilly Pulitzer-style print [but not LP brand] dress. So alluring. [I have a pretty pink and blue print Lilly faux-wrap dress with 3/4 sleeves that I could have worn, but my belly felt bloated, so preferred my reliable black. Maybe Lilly for Easter Sunday. Hope so.]
• Perfect hot pink short dress with tulip sleeves [aka bell sleeves]. I love the bell sleeve trend. All the better for showing off charm bracelets and Swarovski crystal wrist wraps. #smooch 💋
• Flirty wrap dress with side-tie belt in really cute colorful print. Didn't recognize brand.
• Long black dress that hit mid-shin, with spaghetti straps.
• Slim floor-length gown with black lace accents on my new friend; we just met this year through our girls.
• It did look like some moms came straight off the bus or train from work in NYC, but even they were stylin' in skirts, tops and heels [some booties]. Likewise, many dads were in suits. 👔👞
• Black leather or faux leather jackets over dresses. I had one, too.
• Flowery dresses.
• And other hair notes: I was not the only woman who sprang for a blowout. Long hair blowouts are especially in, with soft twirls at the bottom, no tight curls. 
• Me? I was the one in black who temporarily lost her husband, who was getting us drinks, because seats at the little round cocktail tables were so hard to find, and I sat down when I could, with four strangers, to cut the slice of lamb on my plate. :)

I have to get to work and life.

Signing off with your PTA fashion report,

Alice

Cost of Excellent Blowout? Priceless

$ MONEY SPENT OUT OF POCKET

It was another Uber-heavy day, since Dan needed the car. I usually go to a salon I can walk to in 20 minutes, but I went back to Rachel, a stylist I loved years back. She is now at Gumdrop, on the other end of Montclair--which is too long a walk. Gumdrop is right next to Cafe Giotto on Church Street. I'm not happy about wasting that $21 for wheels, but...

I think I'm going back to weekly blowouts. I stopped to save money and to try to embrace my curls, but you know what? I really miss them. The polish and glamour.  I will have to trim back somewhere else, though, if I splurge on this pampering/TCOY again.

• Whole Foods, quart of sweet organic strawberries, bag organic lemons, pasta, romaine hearts, cucumber, crumbled feta, bananas and long baguette. I realize I will have to add a flowers/garden category starting this month. I love blossoms, indoors and out, and so do the bees and hummingbirds [in garden]. Flowers/garden, 2 huge bags composted organic soil, on sale for $10 vs. $16.99 each; hyacinths in pot for Fig, $5; 2 white tulip pots for us, $1.99 each; and box of bulbs to plant in garden, 75 cents. Also single-issue magazine, America's Test Kitchen Best-Ever Lost Recipes, looks fabulous, $9.95 + tax.  Total, $70.14.
• Repaired windshield wiper, cost $0, thanks to our amazing, kind-hearted mechanic.
• Uber to Gumdrop with Patrice [a man], including $1 tip, $10.42.
• Gumdrop, impeccable blowout by Rachel, $40. Shampoo/condition by Bre, who told me all about the Oribe [nice high-end!] products she was using at the sink. Generous tips for both since first time there, and I didn’t have single bills. Total, $55.
• Cafe Giotto, small, made-from-scratch potato gnocchi Bolognese to go, with tip, and jar of imported artichokes in oil, total $23.85. [I was short on cash, offered to put jar back in pantry but nice woman said I can just give $5 next time.]
• Uber from Gumdrop with Maurice, including $1.50 tip, $10.68.

• I FORGOT TO PUT THE COST OF GROOMER THURSDAY FOR SUG'S BATH AND HAIR STYLING. ADDING TWO DAYS LATER, $65 + tip, $75. BUMMER. NOW ALL NUMBERS UP FOR APRIL. I'M GOING TO ADD A PETS/VET $ BREAKDOWN STARTING AT END OF MONTH.

TOTAL DAILY SPEND: $170.09.
MONTHLY SPEND AS OF APRIL 5 $775.73.
AVERAGE DAILY SPEND SO FAR THIS MONTH: $151.14.

It's 6:25 p.m. and I'm signing off here, have other writing to do. But instead of ballooning today's spend even more by ordering takeout on this rainy Friday, am going to make that romaine salad [with my friend Rach's homemade dressing] and turkey meatballs, using meat in fridge.