This moment, in my navy Lilly sweater dress, black leggings, amber crystal beaded belt, eating a poached egg with fresh chives and a sprinkle of sea salt; broccoli salad; wheat toast; and a little goat cheese at noon. Having a yogurt.
I'm like an alcoholic who has been struggling for years, this time ordering a seltzer with fresh lime...and enjoying it. The egg is my seltzer, the chives are my lime.
That moment. When I walked in the door after a long walk @ the park with Elly and wanted to reach for chocolate, but didn't....and I could easily have stopped for a mocha on my way home or had the one Hershey Bar left over from Christmas. [Let's face it, though; Chocolate lovers know that unless we're outdoors making smores over a fire, Hershey Bars taste waxy and fake.]
Right now, I'm eating healthfully. Proteins, veggies, fruits. I can't imagine how far I could go in life if I could keep myself on this higher road, out of the gutter and the cycle of self-loathing. How much I could accomplish. How much more energy I would have. How much more time.
I want to remember this moment.
- Walked 3 big laps with Elly @ the park.
- Healthy breakfast and lunch, both with whole grains and protein.
- At my desk working now. Just spoke out loud to my inner Negative Nancy in the kitchen. "Shut up!" I said. "That's not true. Stop hating yourself." Because somehow, an editor who had interviewed me for a job was being interviewed on NPR and instead of saying, "Yeah, the magazine ran out of money," I was starting to talk negatively to myself about not getting the job. That negative talk tape is directly related to my overeating and my inability--until now--to pull myself out of the cycle. Because if I start taking care of myself with food, the negative voice gets heard, rather than stuffed down. So it's tough.