BTW, I love the little girl who made the big belly comment [previous post]. Don't get me wrong. I do. I do not think her mom, a friend I treasure, reads my blog regularly. But if she does: I LOVE YOU AND YOUR DAUGHTER.
But kids say what the rest of us are thinking sometimes.
So now I have been thinking, do all of these fashion and beauty flowers in my life do nothing to detract from a big Santa belly? Do these sleight-of-hand tricks do nothing to fool anyone?
But kids say what the rest of us are thinking sometimes.
So now I have been thinking, do all of these fashion and beauty flowers in my life do nothing to detract from a big Santa belly? Do these sleight-of-hand tricks do nothing to fool anyone?
- The feminine bell sleeves on the black Julie Brown dress [sixe XL] I recently bought on sale at STITCH. I love that dress. I just do.
- The beautiful blue earrings Dan got me for Christmas.
- My wonderful, swingy, long Mary Marino necklaces, with pearls and tassel.
- Chanel black mascara.
- The soft black wrap sweater [OS, one size, amazingly] from STITCH. Wow, I see there's a lot of black here.
- The cute Julie Brown sweater Dan bought me in Cape May for my January birthday.
- My jar of DollyMoo Lunar Love Body Butter Blessing.
Food for thought.
Posts
this is such hard territory for us all. I, too, have had similar experiences. I'm trying very hard for myself to walk the line between wanting to better my body for health (of course),but also because I am vain and I do want to look better. So that's one side, the wanting to aspire to a better body. And then there's the body positive side. I don't want to hide anything. I am who I am. The body, she works pretty darn well and she's done some amazing things (hello babies). I don't want to hide it or feel ashamed. This isn't easy work. It feels contrary at times. But maybe the thing to do for all of us is to go into this with some kindness for our bodies and bellies and butts. Not shame, not wanting to trick others eyes, but frame the body in the best way possible, knowing we aren't teh bikini models, or the dewey 25-year-olds. I dunno. tough stuff, but I do feel your writhing pain and shame. I really do. I have been there and still am often here. I just don't want to be anymore.
ReplyDeleteHi Kim. You and Liz offer such thoughtful comments. I am too tired to write a worthy response but I look forward to doing so tomorrow. Punchy is still awake. Rough surf. Love Alice
DeleteHi Kim. Yes, the contrary feeling....the idea that we should love ourselves as we are, that we are beautiful...that trips me up....if I think, "I'm beautiful as I am, so why do I have to lose weight?" Of course, I don't have to lose weight. I could choose to die young instead....be out of breath, get a stroke, high BP, cancer, etc. etc. I also think I am afraid to be slim, that I might want to cushion myself from being attractive and getting too much attention. It is such a catch 22 situation, I want to be pretty and fashionable yet don't want attention? Sometimes the whole thing is crazymaking, truly. And Dan worries about me, too, and my health. Sending love.......thanks for writing. Alice
DeleteI think the body acceptance is not letting your self esteem ride on a less than perfect body. I don’t think it’s thinking it’s ok to be overweight. For some people, it’s the best alternative - meds dictate weight, etc. But I can both think I should be tested respectfully as an overweight person and that I should lose weight.
ReplyDeleteLiz
"I think the body acceptance is not letting your self esteem ride on a less than perfect body." wow, I tell you, Liz, I love your insights. Happy heart day. Love Alice
ReplyDeleteLove that insight, too, Liz. Also, love that acknowledgement, Alice: "also think I am afraid to be slim, that I might want to cushion myself from being attractive and getting too much attention." I know this to be true. It makes me feel queasy to think this, but I know it to be true about myself. when I have a passing attraction to someone outside my marriage (like really harmless stuff, but there nevertheless), my mind immediately and with great comfort trips to, well, that would never happen anyway...too heavy. Sigh, I HATE that a piece of my struggle is encased (no pun intended) in not trusting my fidelity. Because truly and intellectually, I do trust my passion and commitment to my marriage, but somewhere in me is a maladapted piece that thinks, ooh, just as well I got some "cushioning" here to keep me and this union safe. Yikes. heavy stuff. And that is the last of the freaking puns I' doing!
ReplyDeleteOh boy. I’m loving that we are having this discussion. So many thoughts. So many things we have perhaps carried since girlhood....happy heart day Kim.
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