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Tuesday, April 2, 2019

Tough Beauty, April 2, Part 2

I blogged already [see previous post]. But it’s 10:07 p.m. and I’m aware of rugged beauty around me. The legal guardian dad, just back from ShopRite w a new lunch box for Punch--Star Wars themed--milk for most of us, nut milk for Fig, bananas and apples, which vanish so fast. Coffee. We were out of coffee.
It’s 10:10 and the legal guardian dad is briefly testing the girl for her history test, as he said he would.
The college student is dutifully cleaning the hamster’s cage and accessories with Chlorox, to kill any possible ringworm spores. She is loudly singing to "Bennie & The Jets" and Billy Joel’s "Big Shot" as the bathtub faucet goes on and off, loudly.
The family has just one bathroom.
How can it be that a song her mother loved as a high schooler, sitting in front of a portable record player and watching the LP spin, is on the daughter’s smartphone playlist now, a full 40 years later? Coincidence, or genetic coding?
The little sister is tired, wearing her new black Adidas shin guards though she didn’t have soccer today. She just ate some neon-colored cheesy, crunchy snacks from a bag and now says she might throw up. [A friend or two at school has brought them in at lunch and shared them, so she asked legal guardian dad to get some.] College girl takes a break from cage cleaning so Punch can pee and brush her teeth.
Junior Sis's blanket is missing, because the older Sis, proud to watch out for her, put it in the wash in case of stray ringworm spores. The tiny hamster was on the blanket the other day when the sisters applied a home remedy of brewed thyme tea with a Q-tip.
I don’t go to sleep like this, the little girl said. Her words are heard. The family members are her witnesses to feelings voiced. But her blanket, only just remembered, is still damp in the washer. The legal guardian mom gives her the soft pink Irish wool blanket they all love. It's so cozy.
The legal guardian mom is tired and ready to sleep. The old white shag doggy is tired, too. Someone will have to take her out once more.
There is rugged beauty all around. Sometimes just showing up is strong and beautiful. The legal guardian mom just watched the season finale of "This Is Us" and found the last image--a flash forward--stark and scary.
This is us, indeed. Freeze the photo frame. Life will not always be like this, so busy at 10:21 p.m. on a Tuesday night in March. Fifth graders grow up, guardian angels get old. College students move on to pursue dreams. All we have to hold is now.
Good night.

2 comments:

  1. Wonderful reading about how you find the beauty in your life. And you are very brave with your full accounting. I wouldn’t do it.

    Peter rarely buys anyone anything. It sounds bad, but he just is not a shopper. I did not mean to make materialistic fiends, but I am the one who buys stuff in general. And compared to my own pretty modest upbringing, the boys are the princes of Silver Spring. I unfairly get mad at them about it. Middle class boys of this millennia don’t have the same attitude to money as blue collar girls of the 70s, and that is it.

    Having said all that, there are deep waters ahead if P starts associating money and clothes with caring and self worth, or thinks every duty done results in reward. But you know that. And I totally get that parenting is exhausting and sometimes you will buy a smile and some peace. Been there, done that. But like I said and you know, not good for them.

    Think of your strengths - you give them love of nature and beauty and cooking and good times together, and you will super empower the girls if you can give them options for having those things without a lot of money. You have done a lot of the work, so yay!

    Liz

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    1. Wow, Liz, between you and Kim, I have a lot to be accountable and grateful for. I mean that. I am often painfully honest in my posts and you and K keep me on the high road with your honest opinions. I do thank you. As my favorite yoga teacher says at the end of class, "Take a moment to thank anyone who has taught you, even if it was hard." When you said: There are deep waters ahead if P starts associating money and clothes with caring and self worth" that stopped me in my tracks. I do not want to create that kind of situation. Now, to some degree, I think many fifth grade girls are into their Adidas sneakers this year. Punchy's Mimi bought hers for her last spring. But I like that you and K are keeping me on my toes, my eye is keen now for avoiding a materialistic fiend in my mist. Dan and I surely do add nature, taking girls on hikes, to sky-high hawk watch, etc. Sunday, he drove to Central Park w P and two pals and spent nothing except for parking. [I stayed back to handle other things.] Sending love. Alice
      I like what you said: "Think of your strengths - you give them love of nature and beauty and cooking and good times together, and you will super empower the girls if you can give them options for having those things without a lot of money. You have done a lot of the work, so yay!"

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