Magic Lamp [Shade]

TCOY

1. Healthy hot cereal for breakfast, with sliced almonds and a little fruit, a bit of brown sugar, some cream.
2. I've been determined to get back to both yoga and walking. Sunday was a yoga class and today I walked 20 minutes into town, then walked all the way home from Private Benjamin appointment on the other end of town. I left at 5:50 p.m. and got home by 7:20, but that counted about 10 minutes off to stop and chat with a nice mom I met when Fig was in elementary school with her son. Proud that I walked so far today.
3. The Private Benjamin appointment itself.
4. Nutritious food at Joyist.
5. For delicious dinner, made my friend Rachael's Quick Chicken Piccata. Heat some butter and EVOO [just eyeball it, enough to brown chicken] in skillet. Dredge cutlets in flour only. Brown on both sides, adding fresh-squeezed juice of one half lemon, salt and pepper. Slice lemon half and add slices to skillet. Pour in white wine to deglaze pan and, if you have them, add capers. I also ate with artichoke hearts on my dinner plate. Punch prefers classic breaded cutlets, so I made some that way, too.

$ MONEY SPENT OUT OF POCKET

• Aerin, adorable + beautiful Liberty of London* lamp shade. I love Liberty of London--though I've never been to the store, Sis brought me back a jewelry roll in pretty fabric once. I've admired this petite lamp shade before, but it was too expensive. Now it is half off. I already have a tiny lamp that I bought at a thrift shop on Cape Cod last summer for about $3. Shade + shipping, $33.06. 

  

  The cotton shade is only 7 1/4 inches  high.
  I can't wait to put it on my
  tiny thrift-shop lamp. Check the LINK.

• Kings, 2 packs chicken cutlets, a lemon and fancy dish soap that was 50 percent off, $18.99.
• Joyist, The Greg blend [with Java Love coffee] and avocado toast, $17.
• Uber to Private Benjamin appt. + $2 tip, $10.05.

DAILY TOTAL: $79.10.

RUNNING TOTAL FOR MONTH AS OF MARCH 26: $3809.22.

SO FAR, THAT'S AN AVERAGE DAILY SPEND OF: $146.50.
MONEY THOUGHT: That little lamp of mine, I'm gonna let it shine--probably balanced on a stack of favorite books on my grandparents' old mahogany table by the living room window. I remember that table in their garden apartment in Dumont, remember my grandmother making lamb and mint jelly one Easter. It was Sis's favorite.

*Per Wikipedia:

$$$$ Department store in London, England

Description

Address: Regent St, Soho, London 

Opened: 1875
Liberty is a department store on Great Marlborough Street in the West End of London. It sells luxury goods including women's, men's and children's fashion, cosmetics and fragrances, jewellery, accessories, homeware, furniture, stationery and gifts, and is known for its floral and graphic prints. 

Jittery

When I was a young woman, an editorial assistant at a women's magazine, my editor wrote "able to shift gears quickly" in my annual review. That was the first time I had seen the term--a car reference used to describe the ability to multitask. [My Dad taught me to drive on a stick shift, and it was hard--but that's another story.]

I need to multitask today, right now, but am feeling jittery instead. I need to move the gear shift between:

1. Writing pots and pans marketing copy [and gadget copy].
2. Supervising Punchy's homework. Trying to be better about keeping her focused. She is supposed to review both math and vocabulary tonight for quiz/test. She did both already, but I'm not sure it was enough. I have taken too much of a hands-off approach with her in the past, so trying to find a balance. And she is hell-bent on canvassing the neighborhood to get little kids to sign up for a soccer club/lessons she just cooked up today. She has her coat on and is about to go ring bells and hand out flyers.
3. Setting up interviews for the summer [June] issue of ASPIRE DESIGN AND HOME MAGAZINE. My editor is eager; deadlines looming.
4. Making dinner. I bought two bunches of crisp romaine, good Caesar dressing, nice Parmigiana shavings. I'm going to heat thawed shrimp in garlic, a little butter, olive oil and wine and also pan-toast croutons with the white bread Dan baked. Vegan Figgy is heading out with a painting to an art show, so I guess I won't worry about another option. I got her some tofu to pan brown.
5. Exercise. Since Friday, I have MOVED my body every day. I want to take a walk, but it will have to be after dinner when Dan can watch Punchy. It will be cold. I think I will drive to the park and do a few loops.

Work. Parenting. Eating right. Grocery shopping, doing dishes. Exercising. Self-care. It all takes time. I am doing my best to move in a healthy direction.

TCOY

1. Took a nice long bath with the heavenly scented Key to My Heart Bath Bomb, a beautiful bright pink heart shape from DollyMoo in Montclair.
2. Did my makeup.
3. Trying hard to walk tonight.
4. Wrote this post to help sort out #goals.

Day 2: [Re]building a Healthy Life Takes Time

So many steps, seems to take almost a Herculean effort to get my life on a healthy track.

Glad I am not working full-time now/yet so I can tweak my life and do all this. Seriously.

Check out these positive steps for today:

1. Walked and talked with Rachael [my friend and nutrition support pixie] for almost 50 minutes in park. Pretty, sunny day.
2. Went to Whole Foods, again, this time for the ingredients to make spaghetti squash with Bolognese sauce [with white wine, ground turkey, etc. etc.] for dinner. I kept half of it meatless. Dan was out working--I saved him a bowl--but Figgy  and her friend loved it. I mean really loved it. Punch a bit pickier.  But even with help, making the dinner and doing the dishes took a couple hours. I do have a nice amount of sauce left over, so just need to roast another big squash.
3. It was 2:30 and all I had eaten so far was a piece of Ezekiel sprouted grain toast w almond butter. So I bought some prepared foods at Whole Foods and sat down at the counter and ate them; 4 oz. Sonoma chicken salad; kale salad; a few brown rice sushi.
4. Rachael is about the French women way of eating--a little real butter, real milk, half and half in coffee, a little heavy cream on berries, all okay. I ran into her at Whole Foods! She was making the Bolognese, too. I got a wedge of excellent Parmigiano-Reggiano to grate on top. Yum.
5. Other healthy things I bought: steel-cut oats; walnuts; Wallaby whole milk Greek yogurt; blueberries; raspberries.

I am grateful. Talk to you tomorrow. [At 9:45 a.m., I'm going to a free indoor cycling class at the Cycle Bar in Montclair with Rachael. See what I mean? I have to carve out time for my work! But I'm trying to get these healthy building blocks in place.]

Job Applicant

Doing my freelance magazine assignments—two that are stylish and fun. In between those and parenting tasks and dog groomer and dishes and dr and dentist appts, I’m applying for full-time staff positions. It feels promising. Some dreamy jobs out there in the publishing arena. It is also positive to take stock of your work history, and take pride in your skills.

Good night; Cheerio, as my brother Will might say.

TCOY

1. Today was International Walk & Bike to School Day. Punch and I biked around 30 min to get there. Dan met us at school to put her small pink bike in the trunk and drive home. He also brought her backpack, heavy w lunchbox inside, because it would have made us wobble in morning traffic. I biked back home.
2. Ate small apple; they were giving them out on the school lawn. Also had some apple slices and baby carrots in lunch box from Starbucks. Let’s not get into the star-bar "curated” choice from Starbucks  —an excellent 2.65 oz. dark Toffee Coffee Bar from Charles Chocolates in San Francisco. I had a dark choc craving.
3. Job applicant, eye on future.
4. Going to bed early, setting alarm for 8 a.m. yoga class.

Good Night

Rainy day, school doesn't start till Sept. 7 for Punch, doin' my best. Smooth sailing for us all.

TCOY

1. Walked to and from town, 50 min, with groceries on way back.
2. Private Benjamin. But sometimes, I find therapy scary and challenging and I leave with a basket of fear. I think my therapist thinks I'm in denial about some issues but I don't think I am. That's a quandary.
3. Falafel w vegs in pita.

Signing off

I walked an hour in the park today, from 9:48 to 10:48. I want to get back to walking an hour a day, as I did when Figgy was a baby. I am getting stiff and sore and while yoga definitely has its grace and strength points, I need to cover some ground for my lungs and bones.

I worked on a few projects today, including a cool phone interview with someone who had a pivotal, personal job in the Obama White House, but now I must hit the hay and set alarm early to write about cooking tools.

Good night to you.

TCOY

1. The walk.
2. Cooked chard and later, broccolini, and ate some of both. Also: Salmon and a baked potato.
3. Afternoon nap.
4. Day 10 no sugar with a few slip-ups.

TCOY Day

A lot of TCOY--I was catching up! But now I will be catching up on work the next two days.

1. Set alarm early, started day with Mario Badescu Seaweed Cleansing Lotion, which smells fresh and good, and warm bath w Bobbi Brown Beach Shower Gel for bubbles.
2. Good dental care.
3. Rinsed the 3 quarts of fragrant strawberries bought last evening at Kings and piled on a pretty platter to bring to Veterans Day event in Punchy's third grade classroom. In the past, I would have signed up for the sweet treats, baked them, and eaten a lot of them. This was a big step toward better health--plus, no bowls and pans to wash. And: The kids seem to enjoy the berries.
4. Caught up w Moey on phone chat.
5. Took walk in Edgemont Park for 30 minutes. Beautiful day. Switched out of pumps, put on Peds and sneakers.
6. Got a pedicure! Hadn't since August. Chose Valentino Red by Essie. Feel much better now.
7. Blowout right after! At Salon 212 in Montclair, a blowout is usually $35 or more. But on Tuesdays and Wednesdays, you can get one by a junior stylist for $25. Thank you, Brian. While there, made appt. for pre-Thanksgiving blowout on Tuesday.
8. Falafel on pita. Wanted fries, got in to-go box so could bring some home for other people.
9. Went to dentist to make monthly payment on our HUGE family dental bill. Feels good to keep a promise.
10. Organized household bills.
11. Iced coffee from Gina's Bakery.
12. Hungry now, think I will grab some peanuts.

Good night to you.

 Strawberry surprise.

 Walk in park.

Stepping It Up

Punch and I are co-running the block party with another family September 25. [H. has a work gig in California.] Today we attempted to hand-deliver a flyer to every house around the block. That turned into ringing dozens of doorbells and trying a zip line, an old-time wooden tree swing, petting cats, meeting and greeting dogs and toddlers. I hit 12,790 steps on my Fitbit, 5.68 miles. Must rest. Good night to you.

TCOY

1. Tonia's gentle yoga class. After not going since mid? August, I felt stiff. Grateful that I got there. Would love to do yoga twice a week.

2. All that walking up and down hilly streets with Punch.

3. Hot bubble bath.

4. Lots of ice water to drink.

All This TCOY Is Exhausting

H. took car to Boston to write 60-Sec Novels at an event. Back tomorrow. I rode his bike to the dentist and back; bad news re a cavity beyond repair. At least it's an upper tooth way back, but still.

Then I biked 30 minutes each way to Private Benjamin [my blog name for therapy]. Then I made a healthy dinner--chicken, asparagus, baked yams. 

Now I've been hunting for a work notebook I need.

On a bright note, talked on fone to Patsy and Moey.

Good night.

Getting Back on My Fitbit Game

I just didn't feel like wearing my Fitbit bracelet up on the Cape Cod vacation. Go figure. Then I couldn't find my bracelet and charger but as of Friday, I'm in the game again. That day, I walked in and out of town twice for appts [50 min round trip 2x, one round trip w Punch to dr. appt.]; our car was at the shop. 

But the data wasn't syncing properly to show me a proud 10,000-plus steps. 

Back in the game. Starbucks and weeding and housework brought me 6,885 steps today and I'm not finished doing chores yet. My goal is still 10 thou a day.

Good night to you.

Weeding, Walking, Working Out

Busy day. Tired now. Good night to you.

Mall Walking

Mall walking really did push up my fitbit numbers today. No wonder we get so thirsty and hungry and tired from Christmas shopping!

Black merino wool cardigan with mismatched sparkly buttons.

A lot of good things happened today, including a trip to the Mall at Short Hills. I had ordered a sweater on sale from ToryBurch.com with my $50 birthday gift card [yes, they finally cleared that up for me] but didn't like it on me nearly as much as I did on the lanky, slender model on the website. But the best part was, it was 30 percent off sale prices in the Tory store. So I returned that sweater and got a gorgeous black cardigan with jeweled buttons, originally $395, marked down to $111.

It's Ash Wednesday, too, and I found it interesting that there were so many soot-marked foreheads among the well-heeled Short Hills shoppers. I don't know why that surprised me, since I am Catholic and am as materialistic as the next shopper. It's such a high-end mall; I just didn't expect it. Meanwhile, I don't know what I'm giving up or changing for the 40 days of Lent. Sometimes I try to do proactive things, like I used to write to my grandmother weekly. Not sure.....

I need to take a nice bath. Good night.

TCOY

1. Boot camp in Gary's studio. There were 14 of us at class.
2. Healthy green juice with kale, plus shrimp salad and cauliflower in tahini sauce.
3. Walked Sug around block plus did that mall walking. Altogether, I topped 13,000 steps today.
4. The impending bath.

Have to Hit the Hay, Montclair Doughnut Run Tomorrow

H., Punchy and I have our great blue race shirts. H. is jogging and Punchy and I and my friend Sue are walking the 5K course. At the end: The famous Montclair Bread Company doughnuts. We are supposed to arrive by 7:15 a.m. to park for the popular 8 a.m. race. All proceeds go to food pantry in town.

Good night to you.

TCOY

1. Walked from town, doing errands. Topped 10,000 steps on my fitbit.
2. Delicious nap. I mean, I really sunk right into it.

Doin' My Best

TCOY

1. Boot camp in the park. This involved going up the stadium steps many times, push-ups, sit-ups and more.
2. Walked Sug around block and over to Potter Court.
3. Did not eat healthfully today, but am trying to grab a lesson from that, a consolation prize. For example, cannot buy foil-wrapped snowmen and Santas for other people's stockings until, perhaps, Christmas Eve--even though they did survive in their hiding place for a week or more. Lucky for Punchy, several snowmen and one Santa made it to her room as early Christmas treats.
4. Haircut and salon care, long overdue. Seriously! I get my $20 blowouts but have not had a haircut since the summer.
5. Had an interesting talk in the car with Figgy about feminism. She was home for a dr. appt. Shared with her that my Italian immigrant grandma, Rose, already had a young son, I think, by the time women were granted voting rights. Did I mention that Fig is set to move back home from NYC by Jan. 1 and is enrolled at Montclair State University, which is just up the block, for the spring semester? She is planning to take biology and other courses. Parsons was not for her for various reasons, but we are grateful that 24 credits are transferring. It is a fine and respected design school but did not offer any sciences, and science has long intrigued her. One day at a time, one step at a time. I am entering this new chapter with my eyes, and my heart, and my mind, wide open.

Death Wish?

Warning: This topic is heavy and might be disturbing. Many people I hold close read my blog. I don't want to worry you. I want to face facts myself by writing this.

You already know I am one big paradox wrapped up in ribbons and bows. I try not overeating on sweets, but I adore baking and have an arsenal of the very best baking books. I have loved to bake since girlhood, and to give treats to family and friends. I am overweight and I exercise but still struggle with a big Santa belly.

Well, H. was away in the San Francisco area for two nights. I have sleep apnea, as confirmed maybe 8 years ago in an overnight sleep study in a hospital. It was one of the most horrendous experiences I have ever endured. Wires and electrodes all over and a mask that frightened me and a promise from the nurse that I could get her if I felt I could not breathe. But then she did not come, at least once. A medical supply company came to deliver a mask and a machine after that study and I would not accept it. The thought of being tied to having to use a machine every night, especially since I love to travel on road trips, was terrifying. My doctor encouraged me to use a machine, but I declined. He also said that losing some weight would improve my sleep apnea, so I grabbed onto that hope.

Fast forward to last night. Going to bed, reviewing the sweets I had eaten in a single Thursday, below. Praying to God, again. Holding my belly, again. Dear God, what is the answer?

• 1 smallish chocolate cupcake from Little Daisy Bake Shop when walking back from town.
• 1 mini chocolate cupcake from Little Daisy, when Punch wanted to go in on our way to jewelry holiday party at 7:45 p.m.
• 1 small cookie at the party.
• 1 thick slice of the world's best gingerbread loaf, buttery and fragrant--Punch chose it at Little Daisy, took one bite. I put it in freezer to save for her and then ate it with a glass of cold milk at 11 p.m.
• 1 of the foil-wrapped Rocher chocolates Punchy proudly bought with her own money and has been doling out carefully [to herself and her pal Rowan].

Fast forward to about 3 a.m. I woke up struggling to breathe. I could not get any air in. Thank God I woke up, sat up and struggled, finally able to get some air into my lungs. Thoughts of a classmate's older brother who died so young, in his sleep, at a hotel, I think. Something about a breathing problem or obstruction. Little Punch was sleeping soundly right across the hall; Sug was curled up in donut position on our bed. H. was not by my side. He tells me that I have bad apnea and he has to tell me to roll over, etc.

Is this God's answer? 

I am willing to give up sweet treats in moderation so that I will be healthier. I am not willing to give them up entirely. It is December, and I am planning certain days to bake and give.

I hope and pray, pray and hope. But this was very, very scary. I think my apnea is worse when I eat sweets and milk right before bed, so maybe I could at least not do that?

Thank you for listening to my tapped words.

I would love to know what you think, but even that frightens me. If I would have to endure another sleep study in order to get the equipment, I'm not sure that I can. Not unless H. or someone else spends the night there with me.

Signing off,
Frightened to Death? 

TCOY

1. Boot camp in the park.
2. Walked Sug.
3. Hot tea.

It Ain't Heavy; It's My Burdens

I've been giving some thought to my slow pace at boot camp. Number one, I joined 7 or 8? years ago, when Pats first started it. I am 54, so I was about 46/47. Older now. Older joints. [But my pretty friend Cathy is over 60 and kicks ass at boot camp and in half marathons!]

And number two, since that January, a lot of psychological weight has piled up on my shoulders. Burdens. They weigh me down as I jog at a turtle's pace at the track or in the dome while my fit friends are in great form. Stream of consciousness:

Dad weakened. Strong Dad, who cleaned the gutters, painted the house, tarred the driveway. First, independent living. Drove him to appts, for Rxs. Went over to visit. Then tiny, tidy apartment ready in assisted living wing. Name plaque on door, JOHN GARBARINI. Never moved in. Bed sore infection worsened while in place for physical rehab. Didn't recover. Sneaky mini strokes. Towering tulip tree fell on our house. Rough March rainstorm. Saturday night. Crashed through roof. We lived but had to move out for 8 months. Into condo in Clifton. Uprooted. Frazzled. Tried to hold my family together when Figgy also fell ill. No easy cure. Dashed hopes. Struggles. Sadness. Darkness. Watched my dear Dad struggle. Felt pain. Hard to witness. Met with teen compassion but also snark, secrets. Not prepared. Too trusting. Head in sand. Didn't read manual. Missed my Figgy. Illness moved in. Through it all, saw Punchy when possible. Drove her over for visits. Pool, zoo, block party. Fretted about her small self. Thought Figgy was better, only to watch her weather a relapse or two. We weathered it with her. Keenly painful. Roadblocks. Sought help, sought and sought it. No stone unturned. Ran from appointment to appointment. Couldn't we fix our child's problems? Couldn't I be there for my Dad, after all the love he had given me all my life? My 50th birthday. Pink tiara and wand at lunch with boot camp friends. Party at home on snowy night with chocolate cake Fig baked. Two months later, had to let Dad go. The day I dreaded came. He always told me I was born in the middle of a big blizzard, and he had to keep going out to shovel the driveway so he would be ready to drive my Mom. That March morning, rushed to hospital with H., seeing that life left my Daddy. I had just been there the night before. Sis, too. He suffered. I'm still sorry. Then Figgy had good times. Nice boyfriend. Still blessed with true friends. Prom dress. She applied for art/fashion design schools. Scholarship. Smart. Talented. NYC. The day after she left, we got a call. Punchy needed a home. She came to live with us, start school. A kindergartner. Then Fig's freshman year didn't work. She took gap year. Came back home. Then started again. Stopped again after two semesters. Still not smooth. I'm feeling closer to H. Slowly, slowly losing some of my stubbornness and starting to see his tougher wisdom. And he starts to see some of my softer views. And sometimes, vice versa. I'm learning to listen. It's not all my way or the highway. Life isn't all smooth. It isn't all beautiful. But rays of light, always. Always. Old friends, dear friends. New friends. Women who make me laugh. Walk with me. Read books and chat with me. Do boot camp with me. Listen. Go to Cape Cod! I see my Sis. Love my doggy. Go to church. Reach for peace. Cobble together family dinners. Hold H's hand. Tend my garden. Put flowers in vases, on birthday cakes. Go for help. Keep eye on horizon. Write when possible, pray, nap or read when not. Face darkness, seek sun. Ocean, mountain, ponds. Fine coffee, pink lipstick, nice sweaters, good tights.

But when I schlep across that field holding a heavy medicine ball, wearing my pink and white sneakers from Nordstrom, I am aware of holding this weighty past, this present imperfect, on my shoulders. It is part of me. I try to leave it behind, to focus on the exercise. I watch my friends kick it into gear and fly across the field. No one's life is perfect, I know. But I'm weighed down with worries about Figgy, sometimes about Punch. Or about bills. What my doctor said yesterday is that I have to take care of myself.

Good advice. I am not Atlas, with the world on my shoulders. I think my Tuesday morning yoga & meditation class is also helping.

Thanks for listening.

TCOY

1. Good dental care.
2. Support group.
3. This writing just now.
4. Lots of ice water.
5. About to take hot bath, yay!

Into Bed Early, Grateful to Have a Parenting Partner

Someone small refused to take a shower, would not brush her teeth and accidentally knocked over a tumbler of ice water on the wooden floor in the hallway for the third night in a row. H. took over. Still no shower but yes, clean teeth.

Good night, sleep tight.

TCOY 

1. Boot camp in park. Preferred to sleep after busy weekend. Texted Pats out in Colorado, who said I'd feel good after. She was right! 

2. Weeded and watered.

3. Made salad and salmon for dinner.

4. Hit 10,000 steps on my fitbit.

5. Picked up, mooned over and put pack a single packaged chocolate Cronut at ShopRite--it's a combination of donut and croissant, with chocolate cream filling. Victory over Cronut! What helped me put it back was the thought that eating treats like that frequently will slowly kill me. 

6. About to take a bubble bath. 

A Walk in the Park

Moey and I had been trying to take a walk for a week! We made it today. We walked on a trail in Saddle River County Park from about 2:15 to 3:45. My fitbit shows the fruit of that! The park even had a duck pond.

It was good to catch up with my Moey. It's been too long. After our walk, we went to the diner for an early dinner. Felt good to be back in Bergen County again.

Good night.

TCOY

1. My fitbit hit 17,046 steps and 7.56 miles today! Personal best--thanks, Moey.
2. In addition to park walk, also walked Puffball twice.
3. About to take cool bubble bath.

Wheels--and a Call for Prayers

Yesterday it was bike trouble, today it was the car. It wouldn't start again when I had to pick Punchy up from school. I popped the hood and was looking for the radiator to add some water. Asked my neighbor Julie if she knew where the radiator was.

She was in a hurry, too; mother of two young kids.

Alice, do you want to just use our car? 

Lifesaver. So I drove the approx. 30-min round trip to get Punch in Julie's great, immaculate, comfortable car and then when I got back, our dinosaur started. Took it to Jason at the shop.

Had to do some quick thinking. I had signed up for one night of a dinner chain to bring family meals to a friend who had surgery today. She is gluten- and dairy-free. She loves the food from Manhattan Juice Bar in Montclair, but they couldn't deliver tonight. 

Remembered friend talking about gluten-free pizza from Panzano on Walnut Street, so had three personal pies delivered, one with just sauce and veggies on it. 

Had wanted to bring watermelon and dark chocolate for dessert but the car gods interfered.

Prayers for amazing grace. Important court date regarding Punchy tomorrow. We may have to take an Uber car to courthouse in Newark if our Honda [with 222,000 miles on it] is not ready. 

Feels like Murphy's law. Please say prayers for all of us--H., Figgy, me and Punch. We are muddling through, some of us better than others. Thank you.

I don't like the arrows life slings sometimes. And I freely admit I succumbed to a chocolate cupcake and a cookie today as I ricocheted down the road of my messy life.

Good night.

TCOY

1. Rained during boot camp; walked 45 minutes on track.

2. Nice sweet corn on cob and rotisserie chicken.

3. Short nap.

4. Texted with Sis.

5. With all that other walking, hit 14,570 steps on my fitbit today.

6. Prayers. Thy kingdom come, thy will be done.
7. Went to Watchung Booksellers, indie bookstore in town, to get Cheryl Strayed's Tiny Beautiful Things [thanks, Kim] and Go Ask Alice, which I want to reread.

Good Night Bikers

Above: Parked by the tree outside church.

Got my pink bike on the road but almost got seriously hurt right down our hill because my brakes didn't work. Terrifying. Like a bad dream, but in my nightmares, it's malfunctioning car brakes. 

If car came round the bend at the bottom of the hill, I would have had no choice but to crash into it. Fortunately, no car came and I was able to drag my sneaker to stop the bike.

Lucky not in hospital tonight. 

After church, went to Sir Isaac bike shop with Punchy. Have my eye on new bike. Love this pink one bc it's pink and retro and H. got it for me, but have tried to have brakes fixed before to no avail. Justin at shop said it's not worth trying to fix again.

The rest of the ride to church [Norwood Avenue] is flat, so I carried on.

Good night.