Influencing the Influencers

1. Yesterday I attended a virtual "lunch & learn." Writers/reporters/bloggers went to a 30-min presentation (1 to 1:30 p.m.) from Shaker Rawan, inventor of the Woddle, a futuristic AI diaper changing dock with built-in scale, warmer, night light, noise machine and touchscreen tracker to log diapers, feedings and sleep. Also, app syncing, so parents and caregivers can share the info. Cost, about $299. It's marketed as an AI parent coach: "Get instant answers and milestone reminders when you need them most." 

           

Naturally, Shaker is a father himself, with a son and a daughter. I've been invited to sessions where             organizers dangle a Starbucks card code so you can enjoy a coffee while you listen. And to info panels where the beauty products are sent to us ahead of time, the better to experience them. This is the first virtual lunch I attended with an Uber Eats code. That was smart, and a worthy investment when you consider the social media coverage an event like that can generate. Invite below. I think it's okay to share it here. 

2. Also yesterday: Three boxes of Bubbies mochi, the treats with a Hawaiian history, arrived at my door in a snug chest with dry ice. It worked: The individual ice cream portions were frozen solid. You have to let them soften a bit for pure enjoyment. The roster includes new flavors like Milk Tea, Churro, Matcha Green Tea and Raspberry Cheesecake. I requested samples of Cookies and Cream, Alphonso Mango (a creamy mango native to India) and Ube Purple Yam for mochi lover Punch. (I see they also make plant-based mochi, with oat milk, which I will find for Figgy.) 

I noticed this brand for decades in the Kings and Whole Foods freezers but now their profile is busting out of the boxes. They are even at Costco. The crayon-colored purple ube ones are inviting; 90 cals each, good portion control if you defrost one at a time. Fun to look at and eat. Celebratory.

Punch, 18, was most excited about that ube flavor, which vanished first. But mango is her favorite fruit. "They taste like real mango," she said. And we know real mango. We remember the one she had that Labor Day when we walked over the Brooklyn Bridge with me and Dan. A lady was selling cut mangos right before the bridge incline. For Easter, I asked Dan to get mango. I usually slice it myself but we got precut. "It's not ripe," was the first thing Punch and I said upon tasting. I wanted to bring it back to ShopRite and get a refund with the receipt, but it was Easter, and I didn't follow through.

"Bubbies was named after our founder Keith Robbins’s grandmother," says Eleni Fritz at Rachel Kay Finn Partners in NYC. "Keith started it as a scoop shop in 1985 on the island of Oahu, where he perfected ice cream and mochi recipes." In 2018, Bubbies moved from Hawaii to mainland USA.

Sign up for the newsletter at https://bubbiesicecream.com/ to get a BOGO store coupon. 

According to dictionary.com

mochi

[ moh-chee] noun

1. Cooked and pounded glutinous rice formed into various shapes and used to make traditional Japanese sweets and other dishes (often used attributively) mochi balls; mochi ice cream

2. Also called but·ter mo·chi. a sticky, spongy Hawaiian dessert whose principal ingredients are butter, sugar, eggs, rice flour, and coconut milk.

Private Eye

Private Room

Private (rank in the Marines or Army)

Private Practice

Private Dectective

Private Benjamin (my earlier blog code for therapy appointment)

Private Party

Private Conversation

Private Matter

Privacy

Things have been messy and hard and I am not at liberty to divulge here. Trying to remain standing in grace rather than lying in misery and fear.

Discomfort & Unease

That's what I feel, discomfort and unease. Over so much. So much. Jittery and sad and scared, things looking dreary, like the weather.

Punch is on spring break this week. Our car is on the fritz. When our girls were young, Dan and I (or just I, or with my friend Anne and her kids) would take them away, give them a change of scenery. To Cape Cod, or Cape May, at the sandy tip of New Jersey, or to see Sis for an overnight in Connecticut. To make the breaks meaningful, to get another perspective, to get out of town.

This week, if anything, without a car, I will take Punch on the train to NYC for a day. Dan is also being flown to Palm Springs, California to work at a party on Thursday. He will be back on Saturday. And I'm stuck here with these problems.

I'm sad, and scared. I don't like a lot of what's going on around here. I don't. But my work is good, and also, I plan to productively put stuff away, hang clothes up etc.

Thanks for listening.

Signing off sadly.

"Bye Bye Birdie"

Good and kitchy. Image from here.

Dan is working at a gig in NYC tonight and I toyed with watching an Oscar-nom movie I've missed, such as "American Fiction" or "Poor Things." But instead, I dove into a classic I've heard about but never seen: "Bye Bye Birdie" from 1963, all sixties pop color and dancing and high school. Ann-Margret, Janet Leigh, Dick Van Dyke, Ed Sullivan and Paul Lynde star. I rented it on Amazon for under $4.

Wikipedia says: The story was inspired by Elvis Presley being drafted into the United States Army in 1957. Jesse Pearson plays the role of teen idol Conrad Birdie, whose character name is a word play on country singer Conway Twitty, who was, at that time, a teen idol pop artist. 

Birdie is being drafted and appears on "Ed Sullivan" before he goes, so Bye Bye Birdie. Many swooning girls and grown women under his spell throughout the film.

In this 2024, post-pandemic teen world laced with vapes, weed, physical girl fights, vicious social media gossip and blackmail photos that can kill, I'm all in on a quiet, rainy Saturday night for over-the-top lore from 1963. Also, I see still innocent, timeless teen charms, like giggling, talking on the phone, asking which foundation color is right, hearing "Should I wear my hair like this?" on a video call upstairs, liking horse riding and new sneakers, having teachers and adults who see you and believe in you, even if you don't, and wearing a boy's initial on a chain, while he wears a bracelet you tied on his wrist. Birthday candles and friends, ice cream wishes. Lip gloss. And music you love, even if your parents don't.

Time to go watch the movie. Good night.

Update 11:45 p.m.: I love old zany movies, but this was too zany. Out of the park."Charming" and "joyous" are the descriptions on Amazon. But it is a "musical romantic comedy film," so--madcap dancing, etc. Maureen Stapleton as Dick Van Dyke's mother is...entertaining. She wears the same voluminous fur coat and sturdy black shoes in every scene.

Update morning after 11:23 a.m.: Car broke down on Dan's drive from NYC last night but he is fine (car is not). So I watched last 5 min this morning. The climax (Birdie on "Ed Sullivan") was redeeming but otherwise, it was too much dancing and silliness. Ann-Margret is so beautiful. I didn't know she was Swedish (Swedes are beautiful, like my friend Kim and her fam) or recall her Elvis fling. Also love 60s style: Ponytails, sneakers, shift tops, sherbet colors, wide belts cinching the waist, full skirts, low pumps, stockings. And "getting pinned." Wow, patriarchy, men branding women. It was a fraternity pin, but it's still a claim, like a diamond ring. 

Graces

I still believe in the power of a "Hail Mary" prayer, though did not say one today. 

It begins with "Hail Mary, full of grace." Do you pray? Image from here.

Grateful after school on this overcast March Thursday that:

• I talked calmly and openly to two teenagers, almost 17 and already 18, in my living room. (And BTW, I'm changing Punchy's boyfriend's blog name from GREAT SMILE DEEP THINKER, which is too long, to YOUNG ROMEO, shorter and more fitting.)
• I conveyed my observations and concerns about something involving Punchy that is possibly red-flag dangerous, but that both would be privy to, without my lip quivering, tears brimming in the back of my eyes or my voice wavering. In the past, I was less confident, would quake and shake when I addressed important issues of my heart and mind. My eyes still sprout tears when I make a toast to someone I love, because they mean so much to me, watch a graduation march or a funeral procession or walk back from Communion at a funeral Mass and pass the family in the front row of the church. When I asked for a raise at a magazine once, I fumbled, my heart raced, I said a prayer to my dead but dear grandmother Rosie--something along the lines of I want to make you proud, look at my job, and you came on a boat from Italy with little education--and knocked over the wastebasket on my way into my editor's paneled office.
• My heart didn't jump erratically due to sugar substances consumed in a frenzy of fear and anxiety. Of powerlessness. I didn't raise my voice, accuse or curse. For today, I did not need cookies, a brownie, donut, cake, candy, frosting or other sweets, the softer, the better--or salty, greasy Fritos--to fortify and arm myself against discomfort and worry. Or to soothe myself after the confrontation, which was much more this time like a rational discussion. A chance for all three of us to be seen and heard. To not hide. Although, I must say, teens can persist in their hiding. I am grateful for the exchange.
• I did not delay or procrastinate. I was proactive.
• I heard an observation from Figgy, her calm perspective when she returned from work on the campus. (The front door of our Dutch Colonial opens right into the living room.)
• I had prepared (pre being the key part) oatmeal and turkey chili and was able to grab a healthy, filling breakfast and lunch.
• I have a nice tall glass of ice water and am about to walk around the block. Two virtual appointments with Punch support team members today, plus this living room talk, required time, effort and energy. Water and walk should help replenish.

Have a good evening.

9:41 p.m. update: I once again did not walk, around the block or anywhere else. Tomorrow, tomorrow. But Dan and I went out for sushi, which was nice, and now we are watching The State of the Union on CNN.

This Mother Wants Bubble Wrap

DBT (dialectical behavior therapy*) "wise mind" model  from THIS SOURCE.

I want some cushioned wrap, maybe pink, to protect our teen girl, so she will not break when dropped or squeezed between hard places or bouncing on a horse on a rutted path. So she won't lose her way and enter an unsafe place, never to reverse her road again.

We can't wrap them in bubble wrap, our first DBT therapist said when I worried. She told me that in several conversations.

I've had fears and scares with our older daughter, Figgy, and met them with determined efforts to fix and cure mental health issues. As if. We parents can maybe help hold the reins when kids are young (after all, we have traveled unpaved roads ourselves), but we cannot clear away the bumps and rocks on the trail. We might help burnish the saddle for safer, more comfortable rides and hope the road rises with our girls and their hopes and dreams as they trot out of our sight. I held onto my cowboy hat as Fig's path circled dangerous dramas, veering toward and away from them. She is doing quite well now, thanks to grace, luck, fate, timing, a keen brain, artistic eye, genetics, loving family, true friends, professional mentors and hard work. And gradually, she/we have learned to face down bandits on life's trail rather than retreat.

So this is not my first rodeo, as they say, on this journey with Punch, who will turn 17 this Monday. 

And yet I am still surprised when I come upon a teen behavior that scares me. Many of her peers (I can't say "friends," because most truly are not) bring on and bring out the worst inclinations, unloved girls who are doing very unsafe things involving, for example, social media photography, running away from home, disrespect for themselves and adults and yes, even behavior that brings in the police at tender young ages. 

But I know now how to apply DBT "accepts" (a noun), to use my wise mind and not gallop with abandon in my emotional one. DBT tenets do help and so do distress tolerance skills, a nurturing school environment, trained therapists for both mother and child, Dan being present and involved, extended family and friends, perspective and smart doctors. I am grateful for all of those supports this morning. And also for boyfriend GREAT SMILE DEEP THINKER, who shares a lot of wise insights with Punch. But I remind myself that he has flaws, too, like the rest of the world. Wise mind. Acceptance.

Hope you have a good day.

*Defined on the internet as "evidence-based psychotherapy designed to help people with emotional dysregulation."

EVENING NEWS, 7:06 p.m. I want the bubble wrap even more based on this afternoon's events. But I took a warm bath, made a healthy salmon/sauteed mushrooms/polenta family dinner (that the teen might not touch, but vegan Fig will eat the last two) and am going to 7:30 restorative yoga class now. Booked it last week. 

I Might Have Written

It is Tuesday, July 18. I might have written of nice summer nights or plunges in the ocean. I took two plunges in the last two weeks—a Wednesday evening one week and a Thursday afternoon the next—playing in the waves at Spring Lake beach on the Jersey Shore, feeling like a girl again. Saltwater, frothy ride, watch what's coming. Swimsuit, the scent of pretty suntan lotion. Wet hair. When you're in the ocean, good bet you are there for fun.

But one, I'm trying to save essays for spaces where I can earn money for them. I have feelers out. 

And two, many of our summer nights are not so nice but rather challenging and stressful, laced with worry and fear.

Fear does nothing for anyone--not for the worrier, nor the object of the worrying--but still, our old foe jumps eagerly to our side, her head coiffed with jagged alarm wires, not soft, springy curls.  

I/we used to think that the adrenaline jolt prompted by fear of missing an article assignment deadline (and displeasing our editor, not being successful) was just a fact, part of the creative process, that we did our best work then. But that is not true. That kind of fear can feed unhealthy habits and erratic behavior, short tempers with family, money wasted on takeout because we are working through dinner times. Instead, we can be organized and trustworthy, do our best work and hand it in on time but not in a state of exhaustion and frenzy. 

We can count on ourselves to count on ourselves.

Still, if only everyone would do what we want in life. We have to meet the goals and character perimeters we set for ourselves, and that is enough to manage. 

Acceptance.

I might have written about the coneflowers (aka echinacea, a native wildflower that draws butterflies, bees, and songbirds), now that Figgy is here and helped us fill the garden. Or about the angel hair pasta with zucchini "cream" (SmittenKitchen.com) that I made at 9:30 tonight, after my support group. (The most involved things about the recipe were mincing garlic and shredding zucchini. I couldn't use my mini food processor, so I used a box grater, and the zucchini was browned, not fresh green like in the photo. Oh well. Acceptance.)

I might have remembered refreshing showers or blueberries from a farm share. On the flip side, I may have written about a call from a Montclair Police detective received on the drive to Spring Lake (this time, not about our child). Or about dashed hopes, dashed in the moment, for now. Stay present. 

I might have written a lot more but that will take pushing Alarm Curls to the side. 

I might have written. 

I plan to write.

Good night.

Money Maven?

Above, photo on SoFi.com for “23 Tips on Saving Money Daily."

Greetings from the same woman who, for months, tracked her daily spending out of pocket at the bottom of each blog post. Remember that? Here’s a refresher from 2019. Even I forgot how tedious that was.

Is it ironic for someone who spent $8 on a whim for a mini Magnolia Bakery cheesecake or too much money on a turquoise cashmere sweater (on sale) to be writing financial articles now? Yes, and no. 

Just as I learned to leave pretty floral heirloom china around the house (because why hide that beauty in a cupboard?) when I interviewed Shabby Chic founder Rachel Ashwell, and when I gathered that Italian rainbow cookies are labor-intensive in the course of writing a Good Housekeeping Christmas cookie feature, I now polish my penny with consumer financial writing. I learn about budget tools and savings goals. I write about how much it costs to get a pet and where to resell your clothing. I have done this kind of writing on and off for years; being immersed in it now feels healthy. 

Also, my life has true challenges at this point. I like being able to tune out, even briefly, use my skills, earn money, sit on the dark green sofa or at my parents’ old mahogany dining room table and WRITE, in between meetings, phone calls and appointments, in between bouts of worry, concern and fear.

Here are some new article links. Have a good day.  

Yours truly, 

Smarter Shopper

1. 23 Tips on Saving Money Daily 
2. Guide to Financially Downsizing Your Life and Saving Money 
3. 23 Easy Ideas to Pay It Forward 
4. Does Couponing Save You Money? 

41 Minutes by the Blue

Life can be scary. Nature is healing.

Today I drove Sis’s car, with Sirius XM radio and good A.C., to Sherwood Island State Park, exit 18 off Route 95 North. It’s a little beyond Westport, Connecticut (the town where Paul Newman and Joanne Woodward raised their family).

I had to get the car back in time so Sis could go to spin class. Traffic was bad. I had 41 minutes at the beach, 4:19 p.m. until 5. 

It was enough. Nature in my heart, my soul, my pocket. I took off my Peds and Nikes, minced my steps over a dense carpet of whole and jagged seashells, and walked into the Long Island Sound--ankle-deep. 

Many gifts if eyes open to see them:

• A sailboat, crisp white wing against June sky.
• Seaweed. 
• Shells in hand, an oyster shell for Sis.
• The promise of summer in my heart. Joy, sand, sunscreen, water, waves. Always and forever.
• Walking the path, which climaxes by the quiet "living" 911 Memorial, designed to change naturally with the seasons. It’s a beautiful pocket by a rocky coast. 
• A few Wednesday sun umbrellas and small beach tents.
• Beach roses, pink and promising white. Just like Cape Cod! (Dan even planted a hot candy-pink one in our backyard.) We can’t pick flowers in public places, so I plucked a single pink petal and held it to my nose.
• White clover in green grass. I remember that in the lawns and parks of my girlhood. Wildflowers. How pretty. Flowers that grow wild, whether we want them or not. Determined blooms. Rugged.
• Quick prayer.
• Lungs filled.

I asked the nice guy at the snack bar if they had iced coffee. Not today, but they will, come summer.

I was back in time for Sis to get to spin class. #grateful

Good night.

A Rolling Stone Gathers No Moss

No, that’s not really what I mean. That phrase refers to a stone that tumbles and moves along, not staying in one place long enough for moss--or a family of mosses--to cling and make a home. It may be propelled on its course by wind, water, earth shifts or even human hands or shovels.

Our family stone keeps rolling but not for lack of trying to get it settled, as in a calm brook or beautiful riverbed--in a nurturing, nourishing, steady state where a colony of pretty mosses (our Figgy is moss-obsessed, BTW) can flourish and thrive. 

Expectations and timeframes change. Good things happen. Worries pop up. A program start date shifts and the safety net is tweaked, to keep the rock safer longer even as one day rolls into another and another.

But Figgy is flying home from Florida over grad school break and will be here for Skippy’s 15th birthday in March.

Yay.

 

Y Not?

Our Skipper meeds more exercise, more planned fitness for her mental health, power and spirit.

Last February, I got her a teen membership at the Montclair YMCA* on Park Street. It’s a venerable old building. (Interesting juxtaposition, modern exercise steppers and treadmills against old wood paneling and fireplace with mantel.)  But the road got rougher, and though I signed her up for a swim class, she only attended one and we never got back. To some staffers or kids in the pool, maybe, if anyone noticed in our pandemic year, she was that girl you wonder about--what happened to Skipper? Where did she go? She vanished from attending weekly lessons. She had gone to stay with her young grandma, Mimi, and Mimi’s husband, Poppy, for what would turn out to be two months.

And then we reappeared at the Y today.

We toured the cardio room, the well-worn indoor track, pool etc. Whenever I’ see that small track, I think of all the people, boys and girls, men and women, who ran laps there, where they are now and how it helped strengthen them. 

She liked it all. I hope it empowers her.

Teen membership is a bargain. Under $18 per month and I /we plan to start getting her there often. She does seem to like the idea and she is a very good athlete.

Good night.

*Per Y website: The YMCA of Montclair has been making a positive impact in our community since 1891.

Sofa Cinema: Beatles Movie Tonight

Click here.

Oh, this empty nest feeling is so very, very different and peaceful, even if it might be/could be/likely will be? temporary.

Instead of wrangling someone to put down her cell phone and get into bed, we can do whatever we want.

It got to the point here where everything was a battle. 

Tonight, my choice: A Beatles movie. I don’t think I’ve ever seen one.

Possible picks:

• A Hard Day’s Night, 1964.
• Help!, 1965.
• Magical Mystery Tour, 1967.
• Yellow Submarine, 1968.

Today I wrote hard; attended a NextTribe (for women 45 and over) Zoom event with Cathie Black and other power authors about gendered ageism/power moms/re-entering the workforce; enjoyed Chinese dinner delivery with Dan; watched some episodes of "The Doris Day Show" on TV 1968 to 1973.

Good night.

Sign That It’s Bedtime

Above, image of French flag from HERE.

Bonne nuit, fromage. (Good night, cheese.)

I was just trying to finish another flower-titled sugar addiction story for Medium (#18; I published the first on 1.31.21). But it’s 10:25 p.m., today was quite bad with Skippy’s behavior and I just turned to the creamy French cheese and crackers in the kitchen.

So I know I am too tired to stay up and write. I am falling into my pattern of scrambling for fuel to stay awake.

I will finish the story tomorrow.

On a brief jaunt into town today, I popped into Grape Collective, a new wine and cheese, etc. shop. I was on a short trip with Skip, but sent Dan back to get a special Saturday night snack--that French cheese and the Rustic Bakery crackers. He got wine, too, but I passed on it.

Good night.

TCOY

1. Short walk with Buttercup and Sugar in rain.
2. Longer walk with Buttercup, Sugar and Sis in afternoon sun.
3. Support group.
4. Roast turkey Sis brought for dinner.
5. Stayed calm. Prayed.
6. Got a new birdhouse, so cute, felted wool.

Healing Huddles in a Mad, Mad World

I’m lucky to live in Montclair. Not lucky that our public schools haven’t opened their doors to us since March, but lucky that the MFEE (Montclair Fund for Educational Excellence) organized Healing Huddles for parents/caregivers in town....to help us get through this isolated pandemic and in turn, Ithink, help our children.From the website:

Community members can opt to join a Huddle based on a shared affinity or challenge (for example, single parents, parents of BIPOC children, parents of middle schoolers, parents with 2+ children)

I attend a Huddle on Wednesdays from 8 to 9 p.m. and the topic is self-care. We are seven women total, including two who skillfully facilitate the group (one is a therapist). At first, I felt tired at the thought of attending at 8 p.m., but now I look forward to it. I made sure we had our proper dinner and I hurried through the dishes to get on Google Meet tonight. 

The latest twist in town is that our school superintendent is suing the local teachers’ union (which includes staff and custodians) for refusal to open the schools.

We have three public middle schools here--that’s Skippy’s level--for grades 6, 7 and 8. Skip’s school alone has 700 kids.

We have a lot of kids with no out-of-home structure.

It’s a long haul. May angels watch over us all.

Good night.

A Letter to Skipper (aka Punch)

I just wrote this:

EVEN IF YOU HATE ME, I WILL STILL TRY TO LOVE YOU

I hope I didn't write or reveal too much, but I'm thinking of doing a series. LMK if you think I compromised Punch's privacy. I will listen to your input, but still do what I decide.

Good night.

TCOY 

1. Dan, Punch and I had a promising session with a new therapist for P, who came to our home. Thank you, God.
2. Listened to helpful podcast.
3. Talked to my cousin Lin.
4. Dashed to get groceries. Ate healthful foods, including Ezekiel toast; raspberries; asparagus; roast chicken; salad with my mother-in-law's great dressing; roasted lemon-garlic baby potatoes.

$ MONEY SPENT OUT OF POCKET Items of interest

• Applegate Farm, gallon of local whole milk, $5.
• Kings, roast chicken, large bag yellow baby potatoes, Ezekiel English muffins, rose body wash and half and half, $34. 

I have noticed that the more I write (pieces on Medium and more), the less I spend.

Laced up My Sneakers Again

Dan and I are trying to see that Punch gets physical exercise daily in this pandemic....while she was at Mimi's for 12 days, he cooked up a group with a few dads (including three of her kind soccer coaches past and present). A few days a week at about 5 pm, a handful of girls and their dads meet at a field in Montclair for a socially distanced activity for an hour or so....Frisbee, tennis, soccer, volleyball, lacrosse. So great. They wear face shields. I'm happy they are not in a vacuum.

No dads/daughters sports club today, so I walked in and out of town with Punch at 5:15 pm, tho it was hot as hell, I won't lie. I haven't exercised for several days (except for gardening)--it felt good to move. 

Sis tipped me off on the "Modern Love" TV series on Amazon Prime. It is soooooo good. Andy Garcia! Anne Hathaway! Dev Patel! Tina Fey! John Slattery! And of course, the stories are based on those brilliant New York Times "Modern Love" essays. My goal is to one day sell one. So far, I have submitted two.

In the episode with Tina Fey and John Slattery, this song--this song is amazing......watch. Listen.

DON'T MENTION THE WAR (lyrics)

PLAY (song)

Good night.

TCOY

1. Refreshing shower with Tone soap bar, which arrived on my stoop via Instacart yesterday.
2. Walked 50 min with Punch.
3. Nice iced coffee from Vesta Chocolate! Sipped in style.
4. Picked up Rxs at CVS, mask on.
5. Healthy foods enjoyed: oatmeal bowl, yum; moderate amount leftover Thai takeout with sheet-pan lemon broccoli; roast chicken, arugula salad.
6. Important phone calls to Jane and S. and Anne.

$ MONEY SPENT OUT OF POCKET

• Vesta, Punch and me, with tip. $16. Much rather spend money here at this elegant single-location shop than at Starbucks. We love the owners and artisans, Julia and Robert.
• CVS, 2 cans Amy's black bean soup, cleanser, 2 dried noodle bowls for girls, 5 Clif bars on sale for $1 each, Aveeno anti-itch cream (for bug bites, etc.) to pack for upcoming Cape Cod trip, $25.50.
• Rented old "Freaky Friday" movie with Jodie Foster the other night, $3.99. Best ever.
• Moss & More, such a sweet shop, The Common Good all-purpose tea tree spray cleanser, refillable plastic bottle to take to Cape house, with tax, $10.66. My brother, who owns the house, is a clean freak. I like the idea of this lovely essential oil spray. I am trying hard to stop buying dishwashing liquid bottles and cleaning sprays and just refill.....but Dan has to get on board. 

Total daily spend: $56.15.

Ongoing monthly spend as of July 23:$2,226.37.

Avg daily spend: $96.80.

SOS--Save Our Ship

SOS is a Morse code distress signal, used internationally, that was originally established for maritime use. en.wikipedia.org

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/SOS

Although SOS officially is just a distinctive Morse code sequence that is not an abbreviation for anything, in popular usage it is associated with phrases such as "Save Our Souls" and "Save Our Ship". Moreover, due to its high profile use in emergencies, the phrase "SOS" has entered general usage to informally indicate a crisis or the need for action.

You would not believe how rough the waters have been.
Today, God bless her, Mimi drove up 2 hours and took Punch for the holiday week.
We are so very grateful.

TCOY

1. Kept important doctor's appt; Ubered there and back since we have no car and need a new one.
2. Private Benjamin appt. today. Helpful.
3. Keeping in touch with Sis, Moey, prayer and my inner strength whenever possible.
4. We will rest.
5. Ate some fresh cherries.

Catch up on money soon. I won't lie, I bought a couple books.

Good night, world.

Thank You, God, for Power + Grace

Punch started the support program today. So far, so good. It is online because of the pandemic, but there's a chance that could change.

I am very impressed with the skilled staff. I am going to draw support and smarts and empathy from this program, too. So will Dan and Figgy. I trust and pray that we will all emerge with more tools for dealing with life's challenges and stresses. I will stop blogging about this now, because it is personal to this young lady's life path. Just know it looks helpful. Very.

To be sure she wasn't being left behind at a milestone moment, Sugar came into the sunroom and pooed on the floor while we were in the early appointment. Remember, her nickname in this house is "Baby Nurse" because she always ran up to the crib with me when a coo or cry came over Punchy's baby monitor.

I am thankful for clarity, power and grace.

TCOY

1. Listened to the most beautiful song: "Be More Kind" by Frank Turner [above]. Go ahead, enlarge to full screen.
2. Wearing my small "watermelon slice" tourmaline pendant from artisan silversmith and friend Andrea Schettino, from my hometown. Like a talisman for a scary day. I love it. Last night was awful. We were all up past 1 am, discord.
3. Homemade oatmeal w banana, sliced almonds, cacao nibs and a little PB. Yum.
4. Plan to walk at least around the block later.

$ MONEY SPENT OUT OF POCKET

• Uber from home to dr office in Montclair for routine bloodwork, $13.36 and back home, $25.07. I was surprised by how much the rate went up between 3:42 pm and 4:27 pm. Guess it was because it was closer to end of workday and dinnertime. $38.43.
• Sunday, biked to Kings for groceries. Biggest splurges: Vogue June/July [combined!!!!] issue, $7.99, yikes; Lily's dark chocolate no-sugar baking chips, $7.99; fancy Father's Day card, $7.95. Other items included half-gallon organic milk; half-gallon oat milk; six-pack brioche burger rolls, buy one, get one free; sliced mozzarella; raspberry preserves; blueberries, raspberries, local buttermilk, butter, sliced almonds, sugar and cream to make individual Father's Day berry shortcakes [with biscuits]; thin-sliced bread; mushrooms; 1 lb. flounder; creamy cucumber/dill sauce and a lemon to have with it; 2 half-pound packs sliced roast turkey from deli; head of lettuce; 1 pack cookies for Punch; scented votive candle; 3/4 lb. grass-fed ground beef; 3 oz. 88 percent dark chocolate bar; huge can of coffee; 3 lb. bag of clementines; and a second Father's Day card, $153.
• Rented Bill Cunningham documentary online, $4.99.
• 3 Lilly Pulitzer masks [the limit was 3], shipping from Anchored in Pink in Newport, Rhode Island, free shipping, $45.

total spend: $241.42.

ongoing monthly spend as of June 23: $2,367.04.

avg daily spend: $102.91.

Keep an eye on/compare to previous months:

April 2020: Total monthly spend: $2,143.19.
Avg daily spend: $71.44.

March 2020--the effect of coronavirus quarantine and not working in NYC for now

Total monthly spend as of March 31: $1,916.15.

Avg daily spend: $61.81.

February 2020

Total monthly spend as of Feb. 29: $2,480.34.
Avg daily spend: $85.53.

TOTAL SPEND FOR MAY 2019: $2,348.24.

MAY AVERAGE DAILY SPEND: $75.75. 

TOTAL SPEND FOR APRIL 2019: $3,634.28.

APRIL AVERAGE DAILY SPEND: $121.14.

The People in the Park Who Sensed My Pain

I had to remove myself today.  I got in the car and drove to Yantacaw Brook Road in Montclair. The yellow caution tape marking the sweet park at the end of the road was gone. The little park was open, with its pond, running brook, rolling paths, flowering trees, ducks and meditative fountain.

This is what I think Heaven will look like, I told my family just two Sundays ago when we walked by the park.

This afternoon, I sat alone on a bench for a long time, waiting for my heart to stop beating so fast. Many people walked by; it was the first sunny day after a couple of dark ones. They tried to catch my eye. They tried to make me smile.

I think we can sense when someone is in pain.

Here are the people I remember smiling or saying hi. There were others, too.

I wanted to be alone and meditate and think and calm down, but they wanted to engage me in small talk, make me feel better. I understand that.

1. Older Indian woman. It's beautiful weather, she said.
2. Older Indian man [her companion, though lagging behind].
3. Pretty blonde mom around my age, walking with her pretty blonde twentysomething daughter.
4. Woman in hat with husband. Aren't they adorable? she said to me, pointing to two can-do little boys, maybe brothers, biking around the park again and again. I thought maybe she was a therapist.
5. Thirtysomething man who biked by.
6. Dad at park with wife and preteen daughter.

I don't know what else to say. I came home and took Sugar for a walk around the block and gave her a saucer of white-meat chicken scraps for dinner.

FOOD

• Breakfast, 8:30, test a lemon panna cotta. Also, 1 coffee with whole milk.
• 1 mini sugar-free Reese's PB cup.
• 3 oz. everything bagel seasoned cashews.
• Lunch, deli sliced chicken on roll with 2 slices reduced-fat Swiss and Grey Poupon.
• 2nd coffee with whole milk.
• Dinner, 6 pm, some steak, baked sweet potato w butter, 2 slices feta cheese.
• Dessert, Lemon Panna Cotta with All the Summer Berries--in a wedding china teacup.
• And here is where you meet the true compulsive overeater. I felt lonely and sad and P betrayed us in a big, hurtful way that I can’t get into. It hurts deeply, and that was her intent. So before I finally went to sleep at 11:15, I compulsively ate another small panna cotta w berries; rest of cashews; some cold pizza: cold steak P didn’t eat; Grape-nuts w whole milk and splash of cream; walnuts and raisins; last Cadbury egg from her basket; 2 glasses whole milk, one w NesQuik stirred in. Tomorrow is another day. Clean slate. It is hard to be honest here.

TCOY

1. Removed myself, sat on bench, thought.
2. Hot bubble bath.
3. Made the All the Summer Berries part of the dessert from the Prune cookbook. I did enjoy piling strawberries, blackberries, raspberries and a little sugar into a pan, letting them break down with little stirring for maybe 5 to 7 minutes and then putting the pan in an ice bath to stop the cooking.
4. Ate some of that fruit.

$ MONEY SPENT OUT OF POCKET

ZERO.

Friday-Morning Quarterbacking--& Dan’s Work on NewYorker.com

DAN'S ARTICLE
Hi. Please click link above for Dan’s report on how child abuse deaths are not accurately tracked. It’s important data to see the light. Proud of him [can’t lie, also wish I could write for them some day in some way].
I know this is a grim, very grim topic for this glitter-and-eggnog time of year. My list is filled with items like fresh white ice skates for Punch [unless her friend gives her a hand-me-down pair today] and perfume and art supplies for Figgy. But darkness in families, especially around Christmastime, is tangible and real. Dangerous and painful, sharp and caustic.
I say this from experience, and I know I’m not alone.
A prayer for peace this Christmas. My team [the tight-knit one I work on] "adopted" two NYC families--each consisting of a single mom and a teen girl--to gift with winter coats, hats, scarves, gloves, PJs. We are all going shopping for the items at lunchtime today. The $75 Dan and I are giving to that is the most meaningful gift on my long list.
Writing again what vanished last night:

TCOY

1. Ate a clementine at my desk. Tiny but mighty delicious and fragrant.
2. Ice water.
3. No donut when box at office.

$ MONEY SPENT OUT OF POCKET

• Bus, about $7.85.
• MetroCard, $3.
• Cathedral High School Christmas fair raffle tix, $20.
• Cafeteria lunch, $6.50.

Total daily spend:  $37.35.
Ongoing spend as of Dec. 12: $1,882.13.
Avg daily spend: $156.84.