Malibu

I've been busy writing (remotely, with a phone interview and photographs) about a Southern California home overlooking rocky cliffs and a sandy cove. The owners can see Malibu. I love Malibu. And it's not just because my first Barbie of my very own, not Sis's hand-me-down, was Malibu Barbie (blonde, suntanned, and I think she came with a tiny beach towel, not sure). She even had the bendable leg joints.

It's also because I've been to Malibu twice, briefly, once with Moey/Debbie/Annie when we were in our 20s and had our first jobs and once by myself when I flew to California for a work trip several years back.

Very pretty. Paradise.

In other news, I started weeding the gardens, and Dan started sowing his pumpkin patch, and that feels good.

Good night.  

Sunday-Night Tired

The color of the year, Peach Fuzz, makes me think of Mrs. C's pretty kitchen in Dumont. When I saw peach taper candles at Van Hook, I scooped up a pair.

Full day....instead of turning off my alarm at 7:45 a.m. and going back to sleep, I got up and went to 9 a.m. support group. Good people there, and it meets at a conference room in a nicely renovated local hospital.

I'm not too often in that part of town. I walked partway home so I could stop at nearbly Van Hook Cheese + Grocery (especially for pretty taper candles in peach* and yellow, reasonably priced) and smooth 100 percent dark chocolate that somehow carries it off without any sugar. Dan found it too bitter but I like the midnight dark Cacao Sampaka bar from Barcelona. Luxury priced at $10 for 2.64 oz. They make coffee and cappuccino chocolate "tablets," too. Also grabbed a half-gallon of whole milk from a farm, wedge of Brie for Dan/Punch/me, nice round wheat crackers.

The Jones Road (Bobbi Brown makeup) shop is right around the corner, so I also stopped there because my brow pencil is down to a stump and I wanted to try a new tinted lip balm.

Later, Dan and I gardened. He planted bulbs and I raked the lawn and around the shrubs and potted pretty pink-and-white-striped dahlias. In that regard, we are a good team. I made spaghetti squash with turkey bolognese sauce. I think there are leftovers for Punch's lunch tomorrow. 

Good night.

*Pantone's Color of the Year for 2024 is Peach Fuzz. I thought of that when I plucked a pair of peach tapers off the rack at Van Hook.

White Easter Lilies and Little Girls in Dresses

Daff photo from Holland Bulb Farms in Milwaukee.

Easter Mass at 9:30 was nice, with banks of pure white lilies, purple hydrangeas and pink azaleas. A branch with flowering white buds was behind me where I stood (I was too late, so standing room only) and at one point, I got my hair caught in it. The little girls were there--sporting tiny white shoes with bows, hairbands, gingham and floral print dresses, sparkly ballet slippers. I thought back to my two little girls, and smiled. To these new little girls, though, I was just a stranger in a pink dress wearing lipstick and why was I smiling at them? One mini miss clung closer to her mother's coat hem.

A packed church, as happens on Christmas and Easter. 

It saddens me that Dan and Punch and Figgy don't join me for church anymore, except rarely. That's a separate story, or three. But I still enjoyed the quiet prayer. Somehow, there was a bit less pomp and circumstance this year. I don't know why. A bit less magic. Father Marc, our young pastor of many years, was recently transferred, and we miss him. Change is a bump, or a spike. And in the Catholic church, transferring priests happens a lot. (Often because they are needed somewhere else but as you have likely read in news reports, sadly, sometimes, it turns out, to cover up a trail of abuse*.)

Then a simple midday meal at home. Sis brought ham, Easter bread, homemade cookies made from dough tinted pink. I enjoyed filling the Easter baskets and I roasted lamb, browned baby potatoes, steamed spring asparagus.

I walked all the way back, along Norwood. I passed that pretty Tudor, the little cottage that was built up into a bigger house, the house that has clutches and clutches of daffodils on the hill every year, their faces, in ruffled bonnets, turned to the sun. The house where the man was an expert gardener and a rose whisperer. The house where little Figgy went to Paulina's bday party with our nanny, since I was working full-time in NYC. And she made a point of telling me about it, as though it was important for her Mommy to know about the big thing she was doing without me. 

"That's Paulina's house," she said. 

"What? Whose house?" I couldn't understand the word in her raspy three-year-old voice. I didn't know anyone in that house on Norwood.

"Paulina," Figgy said. Maria, our Nanny, told me the name later.

Somehow, I felt the significance of Figgy's report. A bridge to her life while I was away.

It took me a LONG time to get home today, almost  twice as long as it used to. I haven't been exercising, between pandemic nesting and Punchy stress. I'm older and stiffer. But I'm turning a corner, I hope. I'm glad I made it.

I'm going to rest a little and go to bed early. Punch has spring break this week. Good night.

*I've been a Catholic all my life, 63 years. I feel disloyal to the church and my family writing about sexual abuse accusations (and convictions) in this public blog. You better not write that here. Don't say something against the church. The priests you knew didn't do this, not those two tall priests from Saint Mary's. Mommy and Daddy and your grandparents, your aunts and uncles, Jim/Gloria, Jack/Mary, Malachy/Peggy, Anthony/Claire, Aldo/Edith (all gone now, on both the Irish and Italian sides, and you miss them) would not like that you wrote that here. If the last of the 10, Aunt Gloria, your godmother, had not just died, maybe you would not even write that here. To put it out in the light. Did they keep those secrets for decades, stories from their own childhood Catholic parishes? But keeping secrets, that is why the sexual abuse progressed. Such buried whispers are cloaked in shame, darkness and denial and caused irreparable, cutting damage to victims in the parishes. They can't get their innocence and trust back, trust in men who were supposed to be holy. I am not implying anything about the priests I have known in my home parishes in Dumont or Montclair. And there you go again, participating in a cover-up. You know someone who was part of a group that went to court against a priest formerly in Montclair. And a priest you and your young girlfriends knew for a while at Saint Mary's (neither of the two nice tall ones) was on the published list of sexual abusers who were transferred. You found his name there. And look at that. Just like that, you do not want to write his name here. Perpetuating the sickness, the cloaked crimes.

Sad + Scared

These fragile, pale pink roses return every year, 

on branches that weather the grip of winter frost.

The rosebush, a gift from my Girl Scout troop in 2007, 

has thorns but produces delicate buds that seek the sun and unfurl. 

(Dan puts fencing around our 

flower and veggie gardens because deer ravage them.)

Do I need fencing around my garden of life? Yes. 

I try every day to keep healthy boundaries in the face of mental health issues in my home. Many mornings, I wake up feeling scared and sad. I'm working on that with my DBT-trained therapist. Day by day, I try to remember I can protect and distance myself in a calm and mindful way. I am separate from the person with the mental health trauma and from the trauma itself. I do not own it, cannot fix it, though we keep hoping we can, trying many supports and interventions.

I try to practice "radical acceptance," a DBT term.

I prayed today, and sobbed at the kitchen table. (Awkwardly, my cell phone pocket-dialed a Montclair friend, and IDK if my sobbing and praying aloud was recorded.) I felt alone. Fearful. I saw signs today of seriously unhealthy and unsafe interpersonal behaviors, and I am shaken. They are ways NOT to cope with life, with fear, anger, abandonment or love. I did lift myself up off the couch and walk around the block, though my heart was in my sneakers. I picked up a plastic water bottle and glass Starbucks bottle along the way, to recycle. 

How to face the wrath of these dangerous thorns on someone's branches? These things can jab and stab, stopping us from reaching and enjoying the gift of flowers, the blooms that other parents may take for granted. Maybe they see roses, a flush of youth in their daughters' cheeks instead of too much drugstore blush and the rise of fury.

Diseases and fungus can prevent the rosebush itself from blooming. The leaves might get spotted and lacy, from mites or another illness, things that consume its beauty. The rosebush might die. We plant it in the sun, water when needed, fertilize sometimes and try our best to protect it from pests, but in the end, a rosebush is a present on loan from the lords of nature and life and we may not be able to save it. Radical acceptance.

***

Dan is supposed to drive me in two hours, at 7 p.m., to Sis's in Connecticut so she and I can leave in the morning for a long-planned trip to the Cape with friends Meg and Greg from Vermont. 

But I am worried. All the worry in the world won't change a thing, my mother used to say. I guess I was a worrier as a young woman, since she left us for the heavens when I was 20.

I need to take a shower and shampoo my hair. I have to gather up the bath towels and sheets for the Cape house. I look upset, and I am.

To the one who watches from above, to God, or the goddess of the stars, or the power and beauty of the sea, or the fairies who fly over flowers, please, show me the next right thing to do. This pain is raw and deep. I am one person, and I try very hard.

I have to get in the shower now. I pray I won't get overwhelmed with worry. I will pray and I will trust.

Thank you for listening.

I wanted to write a post about my four-day solo visit to Florida to see our Figgy last Saturday through Tuesday, but I didn't get around to it. Here is a photo of us from Monday 

at a beach on Amelia Island. It was a lovely time 

to bond and immerse ourselves in birdwatching and nature.

Lucky 7 List: Tuesday’s Child Is Full of Grace

Showy pink lady’s slipper, or slipper orchid. 

Wow. Do we really exist in a world 

with wild, slipper-shaped flowers? 

That’s lucky. Image and info link here. 

I started writing here in February 2010, when Figgy was 14, a high school freshman, and Punchy was 3 and back living with her birth mom. (My smart, long-time friend Kim’s blog set me on this blogging path.) 

I have seen darkness and light, and charted it here. Click for a few examples of posts about sadness and sunshine of the spirit.

Today I see graces around me. But facing life on life’s terms also brings an awareness that we all meet up with challenges, and trying days. It won’t just be the gentle wind at our backs every day. Sometimes the road will be rocky and slippery. (Yesterday was hard. From 3 to 5 p.m., a certain young someone had great difficulty regulating her emotions and holding a boundary. It was ugly and scary, I won’t lie. But it must have been ugly and scary for the young one, too.)

Graces, midday on Tuesday, March 21, 2023:

1. Child. Punchy started at a new out-of-district high school last week. I am so very very very very very very grateful. So is Dan, and the extended family that supports our Punch. They know who they are.
2. Beauty. I got my hair cut last week--a trim and shape-up by talented Linda at 212 Salon and Day Spa in Montclair. I’m grateful to have moderate funds for pampering: regular pedicures, special-day blowouts and, when I can no longer ignore the gray, single-process hair color. Then, every few months, if the stars are in their courses and the pennies in the purse, the big kahuna, the ultimate glow-up: Highlights by Chrystina at Boho Hair Salon. (I put live links here not because I earn money if you click on them. I don’t. But I want you to know of these places, too.)
3. Notes. Writing notes (mostly thank you notes, or letters to Figgy in Florida) is very important to me. When I’m not in a good mental state, I do not mail notes. I cannot muster up the energy or find the space for the process: pen to paper, good thoughts, Love, Alice or Love, Mima, lick the envelope, address it, press on a Forever postage stamp, put in our mail basket for carrier, David T., to send on its way. “This should get to her in three days,” David says when I put a card there for Figgy. If something is more urgent, I go to the Post Office, and I love that, too.
4. Fat cat. I adore that Nina, who just turned two. She is a storybook kitty, pretty green eyes and a playful spirit. Like Sugar Maureen, our Bichon Frise, Nina is my baby.
5. Skin. Less acne. My darn CPAP machine mask irritates my skin. I need the mask and machine so I keep breathing at night, but I pay for it with breakouts and redness. CeraVe Acne Control Cleanser, bought on impulse at CVS, seems to help. My dermatologist could not. Don’t ask.
6. Young adult. Figgy is doing well as far as I can see, and my heart lifts for that. It’s a fact mothers share: If one of your kids is suffering psychologically, physically, heartwise or in any other way, you are far less lighthearted and hence, less likely to count your graces. But I think counting our graces anyway on any day is a skill worth acquiring. When we do that, we don’t fall apart with our kids in their tough times. I have been prone to falling apart and losing my footing with a daughter or two, as though one sad, scared young person is not enough at any given time in a household.
7. Health care. Coverage is paid up to date. Years back, I had to call many times because our monthly payment was very high and hard to keep up with, and our coverage had been terminated. Thank you, Obamacare*. 

Graces are not just big things but also small ones, like a tiny daffodil raising its head in a ruffled bonnet or two adorable little sisters in the neighborhood walking their cute dog, who just happens to be wearing a sweater. 

May all of our days be sprinkled with graces. 

*Per Wikipedia: HealthCare.gov is a health insurance exchange website operated by the United States federal government under the provisions of the Affordable Care Act or ACA, commonly referred to as “Obamacare”, which currently serves the residents of the U.S. states which have opted not to create their own state exchanges.^{[1][better source needed]} The exchange facilitates the sale of private health insurance plans to residents of the United States^[2] and offers subsidies to those who earn between one and four times the federal poverty line, but not to those earning less than the federal poverty line.^[3] The website also assists those persons who are eligible to sign up for Medicaid, and has a separate marketplace for small businesses.

The Gift of Restorative Yoga

Lily of the valley image from Longfield Gardens in Lakewood, New Jersey.

I asked Dan to get me five classes to the beautiful studio Yoga Mechanics for my birthday, January 21.

“You know, that’s a hundred and twenty-five dollars,” he said. “I could get you something that lasts, like a piece of jewelry or something, for that amount of money.”

I said something like “I know, and you have given me such pretty jewelry over the years. But these classes really help me."

It has taken me til now--February 22--to use the first one. Life, bad behavior/stress in the house, which threw me off course, or wintry weather kept intervening. Or low Uber funds, since Dan and Punch drive to a DBT adolescent group therapy program Wednesday evenings, and I have to Uber to the yoga studio, then Dan picks me up. (Tonight, the ride cost $9.94 plus $2 tip.) 

My favorite class is Wednesday night Restorative Yoga, taught by Krystal. It runs from 7:30 to 8:30 p.m., so I didn’t eat dinner until about 8:45. I don’t like doing yoga after a full meal.

I loved the music. Krystal told me it’s her “Restore” playlist on Spotify. I found it and am playing it, especially “Be Here Now.”

I am very grateful that I got to class tonight. It was indeed restorative. I used a bolster, two blocks, a strap and two blankets for extra support.

Good night.

P.S. One more reason I love this yoga studio: co-owners Hana and Annette. You know me, I like to style watch in life. Hana is not only smart and lovely but her hair looked SO GREAT that I asked her where she got it done. Boho Hair Salon, "Chrystina with a y,” she said. (Boho also has an attached cafe.) So now I try to go there every few months for investment highlights.

#2 Petite Knock Out Roses: A Letter to My Daughters

 Petite Knock Out* image from here. Tiny but tough in the pursuit of beauty.

Dreamy Apricot Drift** roses. On my garden bucket list. And I like the word “drift,” since many of us drift on our journeys.

Dear Carlie and Punch,

It’s been a while since I’ve written you two a letter together. 

I've switched to the blog name Carlie from Figgy. The names evolve as the daughters do. Carlie is one of my top real-life pet names for you, my first baby girl, the once rumpled redhead with the raspy voice and mirthful spirit. (Your middle name is Caroline. So, Carlie.) 

And Punch--well, I was calling you Skipper/Skippy in stories for a while but times are tough for you and I am going back to Punch because you, like a Petite Knock Out* Rose, have to somehow summon up the power to knock out beauty, to bloom through extreme weather, in the face of pests, thorns and nursery diseases* that can kill you, eat away your leaves in a lacy pattern. For now, rather than Skipper (Barbie’s sporty little sister, in a red swimsuit), Punch it is.

We are all only human. We can only do our best with the life unfurling before us, with the tightly wrapped rosebud we are given at birth.

I cannot go into details in this public space. But I can speak softly, and toughly, of a mother’s love. Carlie, so proud of you down on the Florida coast, researching algae and cyanobacteria in a master’s program. So happy for your passions and joys, your brain, your beauty, those sky-blue eyes from my Irish grandfather, your gardening and friendships, your love and kindness as you navigate life’s road as a confident young woman.

Punch, so concerned for you at age 15.  As you know, Carlie had some rough, churning seas in high school, too. I guess a lot of teenagers do. Oh, you have beauty and brains aplenty --that shiny hair, the green eyes, the way you captivate people, your smart mind, capable skills--but you have much to face and much to work through. I love you, we love you, so much. Mr. Danay, Carlie, me and Nina, the sweet kitten you chose--your nuclear family. 

This is just a letter to say how much I love you both at this juncture on life’s path.

Love always, Mima (to Carlie)/Alice (to Punch).

__________________________________________________________________________

*Petite Knock Out® is the first-ever, miniature Knock Out® Rose, offering more versatility than any other member in The Family! This small plant makes a big impact with fire-engine-red blooms and flower power, easy care, and disease resistance true of Knock Out® Roses. Plant in containers or in the garden for season-long blooms. Available at select garden retailers.  

**Double apricot coloured flowers begin flowering in spring and display a season-long show of colour. It is just as tough and disease resistant as others in the Drift® series.

Another Letter to My Daughters here (from five years and two months ago). 

Repotting Daffodils

FYI, links to my last two flower-titled stories about sugar/overeating addiction recovery on Medium:

Addiction Recovery Story #20, Beach Rose/Salt-Spray Rose: Slip-Sliding, Clinging to the Dunes
https://alicegarbarinihurley.medium.com/addiction-recovery-story-20-beach-rose-salt-spray-rose-slip-sliding-clinging-to-the-dunes-991eaa898d42

Addiction Recovery Story #19, Virginia Bluebell: Fences Help a Garden Grow
https://alicegarbarinihurley.medium.com/addiction-recovery-story-19-virginia-bluebell-fences-help-a-garden-grow-1f1a4f79fc16

Update: Yesterday I ordered the Virginia Bluebell tubers? (on sale) from the Tennessee nursery. Can’t wait to plant, but hope they work here in NJ.

The best thing about today so far--and it's already 3:32 p.m.--is that I repotted the tall daffodils I bought last night at Whole Foods. They look so good in the handsome pot my family gave me for Mother’s Day last year (from Moss & More, it arrived full of purple flowering plants). 

And the daffs were on sale for $5 (for the large bulbs in large container) and another 10 percent off with Amazon Prime.

Above: Beautiful (small) Kew Pottery pot. I didn’t see this cool (my favorite) color at the time I bought it in orange (reminds me of a Tory Burch orange). I have a pink African violet in mine. Here is the link on Moss & More site: PRETTY POT.

(Botanical Collections is the exclusive authorized American wholesaler of fine, handcrafted Kew pottery and Kew pots from London’s Royal Botanic Gardens, Kew adorned with their official seal.

It is available at select fine retailers throughout the United States.)

I’m hoping to take a relaxing bath soon and do some errands in town.

P.S. Did take a bath with salts and it was so relaxing and rejuvenating. Last night, Dan and I, who are on a Hitchcock kick, watched “Family Plot,” the director’s 1976 movie at Sofa Cinema. We enjoyed it.

A Fork in the Road

Image above from THIS LINK. Please see my PS.

I've been mulling over my very public money tracking here. I have a crisp memory of when I decided to start listing my spends/looking them in the eye--it was the very end of December 2018, after our Christmas trip to Maine. 

I had a separate rental car and stopped in Kennebunkport on my solo drive back--and then discovered all kinds of after-Christmas sales in Montclair. Mainly, luxuries I had eyed during the season but resisted. For example, a soft pink wool Irish throw blanket and 2 adorable, glittery, light-up Christmas cottages (each powered by a tiny bulb). Soon after, I started listing every penny. Here is a link to my first official money tracker post, January 3, 2019.

Now--I have not crunched all the numbers. I have learned a lot about myself. But it takes a LOT of time to track every cent spent (except medical co-pays, etc.).  It can be quite a responsibility. 

I think I'm going to take a break from committing to track daily here. Maybe I will just post $$ here when it's of interest for one reason or another. For instance, today I had a $20 budget and wanted beauty. I spent $18.11 total at Whole Foods and got really good stuff for the money:

• A multi-pack (maybe 9?) of fall pansies--orange, white and yellow.....mood booster for sure. Added to outdoor planters.
• Half-gallon Ronnybrook Farm whole milk in glass bottle. Includes $2 refundable bottle deposit. I love and talk about milk so much, I think I should have a MILK MONEY daily header. LOL.
• Medium box of almond milk.
• 3 chocolate-covered pretzels for Punch, safely wrapped in their own bag. 

TCOY

1. Walked around block w. Sug and down to stream, to take in its beauty from the sidewalk.
2. Important phone call and texting with friend S.
3. Planted the pansies, watered the garden, filled a tall lawn and leaf bag for pickup.
4. Healthy foods eaten: nice berry bowl; cantaloupe wedge; nuts (measured portion); good coffee; Ezekiel English muffin with butter; baby spinach; rosy radishes.
5. About to take bath.
6. Then read the first French memoir/recipe book, Kim. 
7. Listening to peaceful Elvis gospel music.

I'm tired. I rose at 6 am.

Good night.

P.S. A chipmunk has been in our house since yesterday. It's very unsettling. IDK what to do. I laid out a path of pecans leading to the front door but then was afraid that would ATTRACT more chipmunks. We have so many outside this year, building their very efficient tunnels. Ugh.

per Wikipedia: The Tale of Timmy Tiptoes is a children's book written and illustrated by Beatrix Potter, and published by Frederick Warne & Co. in October 1911. Timmy Tiptoes is a squirrel believed to be a nut-thief by his fellows, and imprisoned by them in a hollow tree with the expectation that he will confess under confinement. Timmy is tended by Chippy Hackee, a friendly, mischievous chipmunk who has run away from his wife and is camping-out in the tree. 

Come on, Come on, Kalanchoe

Meet kalanchoe (pronounced kal-un-KOH-ee). Until just now--when I checked the online dictionary and clicked the speaker button so I could hear a woman pronounce the word, I said KALANCHA. So now I know. Anyway, it's perky and cheery, and I was craving beauty and color today. You can keep it outdoors or in--just give it shelter in the house before the first frost. Kalanchoe tales:

• When Figgy was born 25 years ago this August 24, my brother Will and Kelly, who live in Manhattan, came to the NYC hospital with a large pink kalanchoe plant--pink since we had a girl. I kept it blooming for a while (much to Will's amazement), but then it was spent.
• At the end of July, when Moey and I went to Spring Lake for one overnight, I finally checked out the pocket-sized Flowers by Colleen on the town's main shopping street and got us each a pink kalanchoe. I put mine in a pretty pink and yellow cachepot in the kitchen--the plant is a reminder of my first trip to stay by the rolling sea since last summer, before COVID-19.. A reminder of adventures, ocean air, packing a suitcase--and friendship.
• Today I popped into an enchanted Montclair shop--Moss & More. Figgy, Punch and I all adore this carefully edited plant lover's paradise. Amy, the owner, doesn't carry many flowering plants, but I found a sunny yellow kalanchoe (technically, a succulent) for about $7 and. planted it in a beautiful terracotta planter from her selection. I also had my bottle refilled with teatree all-purpose household cleaning spray. Best of all, since I was walking home more than 30 minutes with groceries etc., Amy offered to drop it all on my doorstep. Lovely. Tomorrow, I'm putting this beauty outside. 

I must update $pending soon. Good night, flowers, and friends.

Spendthrift, Clotheshorse, Hostess, Foodie, Helper, Meal Maker, Mother, House Cleaner, Gardener--and Dream Weaver

A trusted friend pointed out to me that if I continued to blog here daily about what I ate, I would not be able to rein it in. Because it was colorful, detailed, entertaining, even--but it was not helping me clean up my act. So I now generally just list good eating steps in my TCOY...fruits or vegs I ate, healthy recipes I made.

Yet I'm hesitant to stop listing my spending here. It, too, is detailed and maybe colorful, but the numbers add up to a flat, concrete, black-and-white sum, a figure to average by day and compare month to month. The moving parts are FACTS, DATA. So for now, what I started on January 3, 2019 [after spending a lot in December 2018] is ongoing. Here is that first $ post.

Here is my spend, my first monthly tally, from February 2019, and it is high: https://insearchoftruthandbeauty.blogspot.com/2019/03/staring-down-spend_4.html

Anyway, June is almost over. Let me catch up on this month. Stores in town are reopening, and I'm reopening my wallet to support them. Even my beauty salon is finally open, with very careful safety protocols in place.

$ MONEY SPENT OUT OF POCKET, TUESDAY, 6/23 THROUGH MONDAY, 6/29

• Slice of pizza and diet Snapple and tip, $7.
• SLA Thai, my brother-in-law Mike stopped by on his drive back to Maine and we treated for Thai pickup. Dinner, appetizers and Thai iced teas for 4 plus big tip, $122.
• 212 Salon, blowout plus tips, $47.
• 212 Salon, pedicure, the first since December, with tip, $45.
• Lunch in town with Fig and Punch at bagel shop, with beverages and big tip, $40.
• Sunday, The General Store, "I choose happy" calendar pad for Punch, plus drink for her, $16.
• Sunday, Falafel Hut lunch to bring Figgy at work, plus 2 diet Snapples and tip, $24.58. [Fig won't always live here; she has her eye on grad school. She had a serious eating disorder. So when I can, I like to drop off lunch or snack.]
• Vesta Chocolate, jar of homemade hazelnut spread [healthier than Nutella, and less sugar] plus treats for Punch and tip, about $36.
• Vesta Chocolate, $10 for Punch treats.
• Java Love, drinks/snacks for me, my friend Sue and Punch, $19.57.
• Moss & More, beautiful flower pot with saucer, reusable floral tote bag, Common Good refillable cleaning spray and dish soap, $88.71.
• Kings in person, $98. Included pink rose to plant in flower pot; 2 half-gallons milk; coffee creamer; chicken; 2 packs sliced cheese; 1 lb. sweet cherries; good rye bread; Enlightened frozen bars; flan cups for Punch; firecracker popper things for her; $17 donation bag of groceries for Montclair Food Pantry; and fancy coffee from Anaheim, CA.
• Kings in person, laundry detergent; fresh broccoli; head of lettuce; dog food x2; 88 percent dark chocolate bar; and more, $38.78.
• Sparo's Deli sandwich with tip, $15.25.
• Williams-Sonoma, two good jarred sauces on deep sale, $13.98.
• Barbara Eclectic, 2 more adult masks and one cute flamingo-patterned youth mask, $29.86. They are made from swimsuit material and breathable--just rinse out with soap and water and they air-dry quickly.
• New Hermès refillable lipstick, I love the mod color and case, with free overnight shipping. The regular shades are $67 but the limited edition ones are $72.  Plus tax, $76.77.
• Uber to hair salon in town Saturday [girls caught a ride with me] plus tip, $13.28.
• Round trip Uber to town Friday morning to pick Punch up when her bike tire popped, plus tip, $12.80. 
• CVS, 2 bags Dr. Teal's lavender Epsom salts, $13.93.
• Nordstrom, Wacoal bra in beautiful lace pattern, used $10 Nordstrom reward note so $28 with free shipping.
• Amazon, stress/fidget toys, pens, journals for Punch to use as she works through this ongoing therapy program, with $8 shipping, $76.
• Kings on bike just now, 1/2 gallon 2 percent milk; bunch of organic bananas; and marshmallows, graham crackers and a milk chocolate bar for s'mores [for others, not me], $19.67.

Total spend for 7 days: $892.08.

Ongoing monthly spend as of June 29: $3,259.22.

Avg daily spend: $112.39.

até amanhã

According to Google translate, that title means until tomorrow in Portuguese.
It was a busy 🇺🇸 Memorial Day but fruitful. We weeded, raked and bagged leaves, had 2 close friends and their teen over for distance bbq. We set a separate table far enough from ours.
Last night, Dan and I saw Moey and Ted on their deck at a distance. They have both recovered from Covid--Ted is a dedicated doctor.
Good night.
TCOY

1. Seeing dear pals after long dry spell.
2. Excellent coffee.
3. Healthy choices included corn on cob, veg burger, cherries, ice water, berries.
4. Important phone calls.

$ MONEY SPENT OUT OF POCKET, Sunday & Monday

• Instacart, Kings, brioche burger rolls, sauerkraut, Van’s waffles, raspberries x4, blueberries, blackberries x2, frozen vegan spring rolls x2, pint cream, kosher pickles, ketchup, bacon, liverwurst, green beans and forget what else, with 10 percent tip, $107.33.

Will crunch May numbers tomorrow.

Pruning Dead Wood

TCOY

1. Spent a lot of time clipping back the wild forsythia and then pruning the decades-old lilac a bit. Fig helped. Rusty old clippers in hand, I cut and cut. It was satisfying. Things were out of control. Snip, snip. Reminded me of editing, cutting out extra words, dead wood. And also of my first women's magazine job, where another young editor, who came from Missouri I think, said things about old editors like "They're going to put her out to pasture" or "They're cutting off the dead wood." I think she might have grown up on a farm? I wasn't familiar with those terms back then. They were kind of shocking to me, especially the pasture one--and hearing them, I felt sad.
2. Fig took me and Punch out for a ride. We opened the sun roof on our old blue Toyota. Fig treated our family to Falafel Hut dinner to go and iced coffees for me and Punch at Cucina 98--we have missed iced coffees to go.

FOOD

• Coffee with whole milk.
• 1 toasted Van's waffle with butter.
• 5 pm, salad with grilled chicken from falafel place, ice water, my iced coffee with half and half, and about half of one order of fries. I forgot to ask for feta on the salad. Fortunately, we had some at home to add.
• I don't know how I skipped lunch.
• One spoon of the tiramisu Fig got Punch at Cucina.
• I think I will have a clementine before bed, and small bowl Grape-Nuts with splash of cream.
• Ice water.

$ MONEY SPENT OUT OF POCKET

• Last night in bed, before I fell asleep, I placed an online order with Montclair Bread Co. You have to order days ahead because they sell out quickly. My pickup is Friday, May 8 at 12:30 pm and it includes light dinner for that nite. And though they say the tips are not required, there are boxes to click to add them, and I added $4 for that. My order includes 1 sourdough loaf; 1 brioche sandwich loaf; 2 chocolate croissants for Punch and perhaps to share with Dan; 1 dozen brown eggs; 2 half-gallons whole milk; and 1 DIY French bread pizza kit. Total $53. I hope the sourdough is vegan; I think so?

total spend: $53.

ongoing monthly spend as of May 3: $83.

avg daily spend:  $27.66.

Cobbling Together a Sweet Peach Treat 🍑🍑🍑

Dan's peach tree yielded plenty of golden globes this year! A lot fell to the ground, too--that low-hanging fruit, plump, ripe and sweet. The squirrels have taken many a bite, and even the two cats next door seem curious.

Dan plans to make preserves this weekend, but meanwhile, I used up aprons full of slightly marred or spotted fruit in this simple Peach Cobbler recipe from Erin McDowell, a high priestess of pie, cake and everything baking. I saw her roll piecrust in person at a Food52 event in NYC. Many cobblers have heavy country biscuit tops but this one has a golden crown of streusel-like crumbs.

Don't let the length of the recipe scare you. It's really easy. I think the secret is ripe peaches.

I loved listening to Simon & Garfunkel on Spotify as I sliced pounds of peaches with a sharp knife, trimming off dents, bruises and skin that was too spotted.

Here is the link to Erin's recipe on finecooking.com, also my top site for all-butter piecrust.

https://www.finecooking.com/recipe/peach-vanilla-cobbler

I tweaked some things here and there--see below--and had enough filling for three shallow dishes. Please see my notes in blue. BTW, to be truthful, I sure do miss baking gooey, rich chocolate-chip cookies, dense cocoa brownies and moist layer and loaf cakes. I do, I do. But I am avoiding that because most contain a lot of sugar and calories and more importantly, I cannot meter out consumption of the sweets. I generally do not overdo it on fruit in any form [unless it's buttery apple cake or glazed lemon tea loaf]. 

I won't lie, we thought it was delicious.

Peach-Vanilla Cobbler
By Erin McDowell June/July 2017 Issue of Fine Cooking Magazine
Servings: 8 to 10

The unusual, crumbly topping for this cobbler completely covers the peach-vanilla filling. Though it looks like streusel, it still has a tender biscuit texture.

Ingredients 
For the topping 
11 oz. (2-1/3 cups) all-purpose flour [I used 2 cups white flour and 1 cup whole-wheat pastry flour; I wanted more topping, to cover three pans, though one was a mini pie dish.]
1/2 cup granulated sugar
I threw in about 3 Tbs. light brown sugar, too
1 Tbs. baking powder
3/4 tsp. table salt
4 oz. (8 Tbs.) cold unsalted butter, cut into 1/2-inch cubes
2/3 cup heavy cream

For the filling
1/2 cup granulated sugar; more to taste [cut down to 3 Tbs.]
1 Tbs. cornstarch; more as needed
4 lb. ripe peaches, pitted and cut into 1/4-inch-thick slices [best part: no peeling, yay!]
1 tsp. pure vanilla extract [I carefully toted my bottle of extract, like the pricey elixir it is, to the Cape and back. But I had turned the cap so tight, I couldn't open it. So I subbed in pure almond extract.]

For assembly and baking 
1 Tbs. unsalted butter, at room temperature

Make the topping In the bowl of a food processor, pulse the flour, sugar, baking powder, and salt to combine, 15 to 30 seconds. Add the butter and pulse until the mixture resembles coarse meal with pieces no larger than the size of a pea, 1 to 2 minutes more. Transfer to a medium bowl. Make a well in the center of the bowl, pour in the cream, and toss well to combine. Gently combine the mixture into a dough, being careful not to overmix (the mixture will form large streusel-like crumbs). Cover the bowl with plastic wrap and refrigerate while you make the filling. (The biscuit crumb topping can be made up to 1 day ahead; keep covered in the refrigerator.)  I don't have a food processor at the moment. I just used a silicone whisk. It was fine. 

Make the filling
In a small bowl, combine the sugar and cornstarch (if your fruit is especially juicy, add an additional 1 or 2 tsp. of cornstarch). In a large bowl, toss the peaches with the sugar mixture. Add the vanilla, and toss well to combine.

Assemble and bake the cobbler
Position a rack in the center of the oven and heat to 400°F. Butter a shallow 3-quart baking dish (or individual dishes; see tip). Pour the fruit into the prepared dish. Crumble the dough over the fruit in an even layer. Transfer the cobbler to the oven, and bake until the topping is evenly golden and the fruit filling is bubbly in the center of the dish, 30 to 35 minutes. Rotate the cobbler halfway through baking time for even browning. If browning too quickly, reduce the oven temperature to 375°F and tent the baking dish with foil. Let the cobbler cool for at least 45 minutes before serving warm.

© 2019 The Taunton Press, Inc. All rights reserved. Fine Cooking may receive a percentage of sales for items purchased through links.

TCOY

1. Morning support group.
2. Long walk with Sug, down by the creek and over by the Hobbit houses.
3. Tuna on rye with kale leaves, made by Dan.
4. Ordered a side of vegs with dinner.

$ MONEY SPENT OUT OF POCKET

• Parking meter, 35 cents.
• Joyist, the TYNE sourdough toast with goat cheese, sliced apple, walnuts and a drizzle of honey, $8. [Used my free reward-card punch on a nice big bowl for Figgy, with a fresh mango and coconut base, tahini granola, blueberries and more. Looked yum. Might get one tomorrow.]
• La Couronne, old-school/new-school Italian restaurant, picked up food to go and Dan and I watched a movie. Figgy was out. Two entrees, two sides of vegs, bread, plus $3 tip, $66.

TOTAL DAILY SPEND: $74.35.
TOTAL MONTHLY SPEND AS OF AUGUST 17: $2,069.67.

AVERAGE DAILY SPEND FOR MONTH SO FAR: $121.75.

[I added in all Cape and travel days now.]
Punch was on Cape for 10 days with us, but then followed by 10 days with Mimi in North Carolina,
Atlantic City etc. So I should try to bring our bill down until she returns Thursday. It is spiking high with Cape Cod spends.

Hot, big-money spends in August, or how I spent our bread:

🥖 La Couronne, Montclair, dinner to go for Dan and me while watching Saturday night movie, $66.
🥖 Cafe Giotto, Montclair, dinner w Elaine, $53.

🥖Fill gas tank twice on Cape Cod, $46 x 2= $92.
🥖Idle Times bike shop rental for Punch from noon Saturday until 5 p.m. Sunday, $31.
🥖T.J. Maxx, four designer dresses, Adidas sneakers, knock-off lightweight Burberry scarf, Olga bra, Lauren pillow, shorts, etc. etc., $338.

🥖Pizza+/fancyish restaurant dinner with Punch after swimming in pond in Brewster until after 7 p.m., $77.

🥖Mac's Market & Kitchen, lobster, clams, kale salad, mango salsa and other Sunday dinner ingredients, $53.

🥖Brewster bakery, including cookbook I somehow lost, maybe a message from God because it was packed with recipes for sweets, $25.
🥖2 Massachusetts mugs, one for Cape and one for home, $28.
🥖Commando.com, black half-slip, $65.
🥖Arnold's Lobster & Clam Bar, fried clam belly basket plus tip, $30.
🥖Pure Vita, the new CBD [not for me] and natural home care store with essential-oil bar and pretty pineapple throw pillow case for Cape house, votive candles, seaweed/lavender bath sachets, $52.
🥖Stop & Shop, Cape groceries, $29 + $40 + $52=$121.
🥖Lobster roll supper with P. at Adams Lodge in Wellfleet, $32.
🥖Eastham info booth, pink sweatshirt, $30.
🥖Mass Audubon annual family membership, $65.
🥖Sunbird breakfast sandwich w citrus mayonnaise on grilled ciabatta plus expensive coffee beans from, of all places, Portland, Maine, plus tip, $27.

🥖Audubon gift shop, small turtle rug for home; bird gift for Figgy; goat milk body wash; Bee Boss Body Balm, which I love for lips, too; small owl wall calendar for family, with member discount, $88. 
🥖Vineyard Vines, candy-pink gingham skort, orig $98, now on sale for $68.99, plus shipping, $79.
🥖Mac’s Market & Kitchen, lobster, scallops, salmon, lemon, cornbread square, crackers, $49.

COMPARISON SHOPPING. That long Cape Cod vacay in August really drove the numbers up so far.

TOTAL SPEND FOR MONTH OF JULY [STARTING JULY 5; I LOST A FEW DAYS THERE]: $1,610.81. 👛 🎯 ⬇️
JULY AVERAGE DAILY SPEND: $59.66!  👛 🎯 ⬇️

TOTAL SPEND FOR MONTH OF MAY: $2,348.24.

MAY AVERAGE DAILY SPEND: $75.75. 

TOTAL SPEND FOR MONTH OF APRIL: $3,634.28.

APRIL AVERAGE DAILY SPEND: $121.14.

Making It through Monday

I walked into town today in a shortish yoga dress and my Nike sneakers. Had checked weather and it said 58 degrees in Montclair. I hadn't noticed any wind advisory. Not such a pleasant 20-minute walk because I had to hold the skirt of my dress down, so windy.

Things are looking up a bit. A call from Punchy's Mimi this evening was also helpful in terms of perspective.

I still have to go over Punchy's math and geography homework tonight, and dig into an article I'm writing. But want to blog now and sign off here.

Good night, in advance.

TCOY

1. Important writing, important phone call.
2. Talked to Sis to catch up.
3. That walk into town, as uncomfortable as it was with the whipping wind.
4. Concealer, eye cream, eye shadow, mascara.
5. Good dental care.
6. Ate some veggies.

$ MONEY SPENT OUT OF POCKET

• Saunders hardware store, garden gloves [had none] and 2 packs Burpee nasturtium seeds, the easiest flowers to grow in containers--with pretty edible blossoms for your salads and cake tops. $17.03.
• Joyist, my healthy workspace, The Greg blend; avocado toast with greens; and coconut cacao energy bites, $25.
• Gasoline, $10.

TOTAL DAILY SPEND: $52.03.

MONTHLY SPEND AS OF APRIL 15: $2,028.74.
AVERAGE DAILY SPEND SO FAR THIS MONTH: $135.25.

Big-ticket April spends so far, 15 days into the month:

Lamp, $79; luxe hand cream, $55; Giotto dinner to go + jar of imported Italian artichokes, $46; dog groomer/beauty salon, $75; vet for hamster, $157; necklace repair, $128; blowout, $55; Over the Moon, bday gifts for Punch friend + book for me, $60; Kings groceries, $132; liquor store, $32; bra/underwear/tights, $126; Joyist, $39 one day while working on assignments there; second blowout w service tips, $52; Punchy, Lululemon, $28; Justice, bday gifts and gift bag/pink tissue for Punch friend + shorts for Punch + $2 donation at register, $58; Kings groceries, $63; Joyist, $25. Steep subtotal of $1,210.

MONEY THOUGHTS: It was really helpful when Kim suggested a while back that I keep a running total of money spent as I record my daily spends. Also key that I have listed my monthly big-ticket spends in yellow and repeat the list every day, adding any other new big spends. It helps to reread the item list. Oh, right! I bought nice underwear, paid for a hamster to see the vet [even though Fig paid part of bill], bought luxe hand cream, got my hair blown out twice, had my pretty necklace repaired. The inventory review is a good reminder.

The Fuchsia is Bright

I got my hands on a bag of real green moss and relined my metal planter,
then spooned in soil and popped in a pink impatiens.
The moss and the flowers are supposed to thrive in shade, but we shall see. 

Still avoiding flour, sugar and wheat for the most part--baked
these PB cookies with old-fashioned oats, some
whole and some whirred into oat flour. I can't lie, I did
miss the flour and sugar. But the cookies are filling, and
pretty good. Dan and Figgy liked them, too.

Today leaned heavily toward TCOY.  I did sell that new essay [about my hated CPAP machine], so I'm happy, but still struggling to complete kitchen tool copy.

Since I will be driving Punchy 1.5 hours south on the Parkway to see her birth mom for sleepover into Mother's Day, I decided I was long overdue for a pampering blowout. I have been avoiding them to save money, and have also been embracing my springy curls a bit more. Also had not had a pedicure in months, so got one w the Essie summer 2018 color THE FUCHSIA IS BRIGHT. LOL.

I'm tired now and have to rise early for a busy day but here is my TCOY list:

1. Weeded a little spot and inserted my dahlia bulbs. Felt my age down on knees, especially getting up; need gardener’s pad.
2. Freshened up my metal planter. #beautyaboveall
3. Baked the PB cookies. No sugar, flour or wheat except 1 T pure maple syrup.
4. Nap.
5. Beauty salon salvation.
6. Blueberries and yogurt.
7. Walked around block once and another 25 min. back from town.
8. Stopped on way home for coffee energy balls and a cashew milk from Juice Culture and day-boat scallops from Gus's Fish Market.
9. Had those day-boat scallops and a sweet potato.
10. Dan was working at a party tonight and Figgy and Punch were both out with friends. So I rented "California Typewriter," the documentary about a typewriter repair shop and typewriter collectors, including Tom Hanks. Dan, who owns many old typewriters as the 60-Second Novelist, saw the movie in theaters. I enjoyed it, though it was a bit long. It made me want to get out my old portables and spiff them up and use them. The red, blue, yellow and old floral-painted typewriters looked inviting. The collectors' passion was inspiring. We should get shelves to show off Dan's machines; these people have glassed-in cabinets. Also, my Danny should have been in this film!
11. Listened to my playlist on Spotify, including "Peace Train" by Yusuf/Cat Stevens. [Who would have thought when Sis drove me around in the white Ford Falcon in the 1970s and we listened to Cat on 8-track tapes that we would one day call him Yusuf?]

Good night, sleep well.

On a Wing and a Prayer

I have been writing about a food chopper and Santoku knives [Japanese name, sharp, etc. with ceramic, nonstick stainless-steel or regular stainless-steel blades of many different lengths].

I am ready to take a bath.

I am praying for someone dear to me. I believe in the power of prayer. I believe, I believe. Fly, baby prayers, fly. Alight on shoulder. Deliver a little pillow of comfort and small sparks of light.

Good night.

TCOY

1. Walked Butter and Sugar twice.
2. Planted pansies and seeds for morning glories, forget-me-nots and nasturtiums. I always have luck with the Ns; let's see about the other two. Ns are amazing--and produce edible orange colored blooms for salads and desserts.
3. Afternoon nap on couch. Didn't sleep well last night, so it was welcome. Sugar and Butter took naps nearby. We were all deep in slumber.
4. About to take bubble bath.
5. Spoke to wise friend.
6. Nice cup of coffee, homemade.
7. Cashew milk from Juice Culture. Salad. Brown rice. Scrambled eggs. Not in that order.
8. Faced music with a neighbor upset with Punchy. Listened, heard...again. In my living room. But also spoke my side on behalf of our Punch. I am growing up. Believe me, I am. I am not nearly as timid as I used to be. 

Article Archive: Ciao, Bella!

Garden magic. Photo from Aspire Magazine. Here is LINK.

From the last issue of Aspire, my Dinner Guest conversation with Lucia Panzetta, landscape designer from a small village in northern Italy. Our timing was funny, because I'd email my Qs to Lucia in the evening [Italy is 6 hours ahead, so she was sleeping] and she sent her answers back the next morning, when I was snoozing.

I am in awe of her command of the English language. If a reporter sent me interview questions in a foreign language, I would be at a loss.

Anyway, her garden designs are soothing and beautiful.

TCOY

1. Trying to get my Fitbit tracker to work! It's not charging.
2. Went to 8 a.m. yoga and mediation class.
3. Walked Sug around block.
4. Bath with soothing salt sachet Meggy sent from Vermont for my birthday!
5. Ate broccoli, brown rice, salad--among other things.
6. Private Benjamin.
7. Just got a new 10-class card for Yoga Montclair. Flash sale! Instead of paying $22 per class to drop in, I last got a 10-class card for $170. But with 48-hour flash sale, it was $144.50. Glad!

Down to the Land of Asparagus Farms

We drove way down south today to get Punchy from her grandma Hope's.....in a Jersey place where we heard asparagus grows high, tomatoes ripe and juicy, spaghetti squash fat and golden [we had the latter two for dinner].

Oh, so that's why it's named the Garden State. Right, one of my college friends at Rutgers called a peach orchard home, and Hope's husband told us all about his grandfather, who proudly grew "ground fruits" each year: strawberries, cantaloupe, watermelon, cantaloupe again and then pumpkins.

Before that, we went to see my good cousin Lin and her mom, my Aunt Edith, who live in another part of South Jersey....Aunt E. is 90 and faced with rougher and rougher times that require more and more assistance. We got to see Lin's nice family, too--seeing all of them was a good thing.

From old to young....Aunt Edith in a new wheelchair, Punchy in new sneakers....one losing the power to communicate what she wants and needs, the other never having really had it in the first place, though we're trying to empower her and understand that.

Good night.

TCOY

1. Had salad, unsweetened iced tea and applesauce with Lin [thanks, Lin], and Hope made spaghetti squash and salad.
2. About to track Weight Watchers Points.